I am loved...

How do you know you are loved on your birthday?
By awesome birthday surprises like this!



 

No birthday is complete until your toilet is covered in toast.

 

 

They love me in strategically placed toast.

Totally made my day.

 

I love you guys!

And just because you may be wondering...

Compliments of Jaysen.

Thanks, buddy. ;)

 

Got math?

I'm sensing a theme here.
You all know my math skills suck.  I could try to sugar coat it, but really...they just suck.
And I'm okay with that, because I am able to conjugate verbs, spell, and grammarize (yes, grammarize) circles around most people. That being said...

I work for the CFO of my company.
He's actually pretty awesome, but he's a "numbers" guy. I swear there are times we have full conversations and neither one of us understands the other.
He also likes to tease me about my lack of mathematical skill, and purposely asks me questions he knows I don't know the answer to because he finds some kind of sadistic joy in it, I imagine.

Anyway....
In helping Jaysen in his math homework last night, I realize yet again, that my kid rocks.

Example: Jaysen is working on converting fractions, to decimals, to percentages.

 He explains how he has to divide 70 by 100 to get the decimal.

 

And then...

 

 

 

 Me: Awesome job! Now how did you make the decimal a percent?

Jaysen: I butthundred it.

Me: You...what?
Jaysen: I butt-hundred it.
Me: Butt-hundred it?
Jaysen: Yes, you have to butt-hundred it!
Me: Hahahaha! What in the world is butt-hundred?
Jaysen: Look...

 



And there you go.
My boss will be so proud of me.

Lookout Ron Popeil!

 Yes!  You can now own a little bit of The Quirk Factor for your very own! 
This Zazzle-store-thing was hilariously fun.  You should try it too.

Granted, they pulled a bunch of stuff I made like this...

Something about not having Samuel L Jackson's permission to use his image....grumblegrumble.  Samuel L Jackson would totally support this, yo.  Me and Sam are *likethis*.  Kind of.  Okay, whatever.

Anyway.... Click here to go to The Quirk Factory

That's mah store.  The Quirk Factory.  Get it?  Bwahaha...sometimes I kill myself with cleverness.
There's a bunch more hilarity there, and if you're a longtime follower here, you may even think it's hilarious too.   Including, but not limited to: Autism humor, blog quotes, artwork, and shameless self promotion.

You know you want an ornament designed by Jaysen, hanging from your tree this year!
And even if you don't, someone else probably does.  They make great presents. 
And I'll even take requests.

I may not be as good a marketer as Vince Offer:

But I'm also not going to beat up any hookers, either. 

So there you have it. 

No hookers were harmed in the making of my products.  

Go check it out and let me know whatcha think.

Summer lovin'....

Starting to stress about the summer already. There's 9 inches of snow outside, but I am stressing about the summer.
The kids are going to have to go to camp, so I'm starting the research process to find one that fits.

Jaysen came with me to visit the first one...








Will keep looking.

I always feel like, somebody's waaatching meeee....

Jaysen loves to google.
If you look at his left hand in the above pic, you can actually see him stimming.
He will google anything on his mind... ad nauseam.
Usually it's something to do with Mario, or Baby Einstein.

I was really hoping we were getting out of the Baby Einstein thing, but he seems to have revisited it in full force lately. But that's not the point of this post.

Jaysen recently learned how to create folders on his computer. 'Cuz he's a geek like that. He made one for Baby Einstein, so he was googling pictures of Baby Einstein VHS tapes to archive, when he came across the muthaload.

His eyes bugged out at this picture:




I thought that pic looked reeeeally familiar, so I swooped in for a closer look.
Guess where he found it?
Yep- here at The Quirk Factor.

My son had pulled up my own blog in a Google search.
How's that for some tweakiness? I totally felt like I was staring straight down the rabbit hole.

Once I pointed it out, he recognized my Lenore girl (upper left corner) and wanted to see all the pictures I had on the blog (once he realized there was not a whole lot of exciting information about Baby Einstein). I showed him how to browse by category, and we spent about an hour just looking at the pictures and revisiting memory lane. We reminisced about family vacations, and the unfabulous times when "Mom cried" because of the loss of beloved furballs like Gacy and Tiki. He also busted me on some profane language- does that say crap? Crap?!? Uh, yeah. Sorry.

This wasn't the first time he's ever seen my blog, but it's the first time he's ever found it on his own, and taken any time actually going through it. It was different, because there was a sincere interest. Despite the fact I was "outed" by my own son, we had a really good time. Now I'm thinking of how I can get him to guest post.

A whole other reason to blog.

How To Gross Your Mom Out In 4 Easy Steps

Step 1:
Rummage through the fridge and try to look innocent, when you expression totally says you're clearly up to something.

Step 2:

Concoct your evil plan and mix really well.

Divert Mom's attention by feigning bravery while facing not only tactile aversions, but also the barrage on your olfactory system.

Step 3: Voila! Laugh maniacally as it is confirmed you have officially reached Barf-o-Rama status.

Step 4: Try to get her to taste it.

**I don't know why it's doing that weird chipmunk fast-forward thing, but apparently I'm having some technical difficulties. Turn the volume off- you can still see the sheer joy in his face as he terrorizes me. If anyone knows how to remedy this, please let me know!**

Unreasonable fears.

Last night at bedtime, Jaysen insisted that he wanted to sleep in his jeans.
After much goading, he finally told me why.

"Don't take my pants off because ladybugs will crawl in my butt!"

Ladybugs.
Seriously? Ladybugs???

Erp?

Best Mother's Day Evar.

So geeked.
I had the absolute best Mother's Day.

I woke up to breakfast in bed-
Companion cooked, but told me Jaysen had full charge of the menu.
An egg sammich with cheese, bacon, and coffee.

On the tray was also a small wrapped present, a plant, and a card from Jaysen and Rylan.
I read the cards, so sweet... Jaysen had asked Rylan what he wanted on his card- Ry chose an airplane, so Jaysen drew it for him.

I unwrapped the present to find a gorgeous heart-shaped bread warmer

(which is on my mantle, and will NOT be warming any bread, thank you).





My question of why there was a plant on the tray (plant is the new flower?), was answered when I was instructed to unwrap it...




For real? It's gorgeous! Look at the time that was put into that baby!

I didn't really get a chance to eat my breakfast-
I was lead out into the hallway, where Jaysen turned back to Companion and said,

"She's gonna cry."

And...
Of course, he was right.

I also got this awesome picture

And accolades galore...

For those with vertigo, a translation:

1. She is beautiful. (he's so observant)
2. My mom is nice.
3. My mom is a good cook. (coming from a kid who never eats...I must make a mean cheese-it)
4. My mom plays games with me. (faith healer?)
5. My mom teaches me euerything (everything).
6. My mom is a good mom.
7. My mom is my helper.
8. My mom takes no cigarettes. (he's proud I quit smoking)
9. My mom is super very smart. (apparently, so is he)
10. My mom reads books to me.

Awwww!

Companion explained that Jaysen had done such a good job keeping his secrets- not giving me my present(s) before Mother's Day, and keeping their plans under wraps.
For the past week, Jaysen would intermittently say to Companion "I want something to say to you" and would pull Companion in his bedroom and close the door.
They were totally conspiring!

Jaysen was so proud of himself.
He was so excited that he pulled everything off and it made me so happy.
I was absolutely overwhelmed.

My boys-
Rock.

What What

As a supplement to yesterday's post...

Trust me- you must watch.

Number 9, no MSG.

*DISCLAIMER*

If you are my father, stop reading here. Really.
Click the little red " X " in the upper corner, and go look up nekkid boobies or something else. Thank you and I love you!

Now that he's gone... you are gone, right Dad?
Okay. I've been thinking of getting another tattoo.
My problem is, I can't seem to find a kanji symbol for Autism.

Understand that you cannot just go online and trust whatever picture pops up. The best way to get an accurate character is from your favorite Chinese restaurant. My encounters have not gone too well.

Me: Hi, I'll have the #9 with hot mustard. I also have a question for you.
Chinese Restaurant Lady (CRL): Okay!
Me: Is there a Chinese symbol for "Autism"?
CRL: Symbol? What you mean?
Me: Y'know, um... character. A Chinese character. For Autism.
CRL: Carater? I don know what you mean?
Me: Chinese character. A Symbol. Writing? Kanji?
CRL: Ah, writing for...
Me: My son. He has a disability called Autism. It's where... (CRL eyes become vacant... second lady comes out of the back room. I asked her last week)
CRL2: Can I help?
Me: No thank you, I'm asking about the character for Autism.
CRL2: No, no Autizz. #9 ready. See you nex week!

So, I haven't been able to get very far.

I did, however, learn an interesting tidbit in my searching.
Although in China Autism is known as "Lonely Syndrome", if you do a Google image search for Chinese + Autism, you will find a lot of images for the characters "love" and "courage". There was even one for "family".
I thought that was cool.

If anyone is able to find a Chinese or Japanese character for Autism, I would be hugely appreciative. Hugely. Like I would give you my last stick of gum kind of grateful.
If I use the character you send, I will give you a big fat prize once I get my tattoo.

My only stipulation is you have to be able to authenticate/verify that it is indeed a translation of Autism. I do NOT need a tattoo that looks cool, but actually says "My peanuts are spoiled", "Looks good in tubetop" or even worse, "I heart Jenny McCarthy".

*shiver*

Thank you, and Dad? You've only been out for a couple of minutes.
Drink some water and you'll feel better.


.

Grilled cheese - Momzilla style

Step 1:
Obtain 2 pieces of "acceptable" bread.

Step 2:
Butter bread on outsides, and place butter-side down on a paper plate.

Step 3:
While you are getting the "acceptable" cheese out of the fridge, hone your ninja skills and sneak the jar of mixed vegetables baby food out of the fridge at the same time. Hide jar behind bananas on counter.

Step 4:
Open the cheese wrapper - note this is the only time where if the cheese does not come out as a perfect square, it won't matter. As long as child does not witness any cheese mistakes.

Step 5:
At this point, start singing loudly- as this will usually deter child from entering kitchen.

Step 6:
Agility counts. Use dull knife to spread baby food onto bread. Wait a few seconds as the orange glop begins to soak in. Be careful not to overspread onto the crust of the bread, as this will surely send off a red flag. Likewise, do not get overzealous about the baby food. If you use too much, you may lose grilled cheese forever.

Step 7:
Assemble sandwich onto heated pan. Butter sides on the outside, baby food sides on the inside, and cheese in the middle. You may stop singing now.

Step 8:
While sandwich is sufficiently heating, throw out paper plate before child sees it and goes into convulsions.

Step 9:
Sandwich done, remove it from pan and place on pristine plate. Let it cool just a bit so the cheese does not drip out and stick to the plate. Cut the sandwich in a diagonal.

Step 10:
Inspect and admire how nicely the melted cheese masks the baby food.

Step 11:
Present to child and walk away. Do not watch as he looks at it, sniffs it, takes just a nibble, and finally determines it is acceptable to eat.


And that... is how we do in my house.
Wanna come over for grilled cheese???
It's yummy...

Psssst....

I'm going to let you in on a secret...

I want to tell you about this super cool blog.
It's called Spectrum Siblings, and if you are a parent of a child with Autism, or even are looking to understand it a bit better-

You have got to check this out!

Cale, the author of Spectrum Siblings, does a phenomenal job of describing what it is like to be on the Spectrum, as well as has a treasure chest of information, tips, and tricks- that he himself, has Autie-approved.

Why else is Spectrum Siblings the awesomest???

Because I'm guest blogging there today.

Longtime followers may have already heard our story, but I do have some newbies.

(Hi newbies!)

Go and check it out. Now.

Hallowe'en 2008

It's the po'lice.

Isn't it cute how my little doll just looks so real?!?

Did you ever get the feeling that the killer is *gasp* right behind you?

Officer Jaysen... candy inspection.

I'm Chucky, biatches!

I feel a healin' coming on.

I have tried so hard to suppress what I am about to post, but it's just not working.

*Disclaimer- I truly mean no offense to anyone here. If you are easily offended by religious parody, please stop reading not and come back another day.*

Barbara at TherExtras is hosting a blog carnival on October 6th- the topic is Healing. I cannot resist. I have a game that I play with my kids.

We call it Faith Healer.

How do you play?
I'm so glad you asked, fellow heathen. Checkitout.

First- position child of choice standing on bed. If child is tall enough, they may stand in front of bed or couch.

Raise your hand high in the air and announce child's affliction. Use your best Television Evangelist voice.
Example: If yooou have a dirty face... and are suffering from did-not-use-my-napkin-at-dinner-tonight... and are covered in ketchupy crumbity eeeee-vile... come forth to me now.

Deliver your message.
Example: My son. I can seeeee that you are afflicted. I can seeee that you have... the dirty face. Can I get a witness?

Arch back and raise hand into air, hooting and hollering a bit.

You: Okay child, now repeat after me (bonus if child has echolalic tendencies)
Don't forget to raise your arm, shimmy hand around and undulate (yes, undulate) into the air with each exclamation.

You: Hallelujah!
Child: Halla-loola!

You: I said Hallelujah!
Child: Halla-yoola!

You: Glory Be!
Child: Glory Be!

You: Mekka-lekka-hi-mekka-heiney-ho!
Child: Mekka-lucky-mucky-mo!

You: Hal-le-luuuu-jah!
Child: Ha-lay-looooooooola!

You: Can I get a what-what?!
Child: Can I what!

You: I feel it child! I feel...(quietly) a healin'.

Blasphemous child is laughing hysterically by now.
Continue shaking your hand, bringing it closer to your victim, er child.

You: By the Holy waters of the Holiest Bathtub... and all that is soapy and good... walk with me in the beauty of all that is clean. I condemn that dirty face-ed-ness of eeeee-vile, and you...will be...(dramatic pause)...HEALED!

Smack said child in forehead and send them backward onto the bed.
Be prepared to do this repeatedly.

I started this as a joke when Jaysen was 2 years old (and often afflicted with "stinky-diaper-pants). He still loves to play it to this day. Nowadays, i just have to raise my hand and give him that "I feel a healin' " look, and he runs and jumps on my bed laughing. I also ask him what his affliction is since he's a big boy now and can think of what he needs cleansing of. usually it's "I stink" or "My unnerwear is tight" or something like that.

I do have to caution you though, when the kids try to heal you. Especially the younger ones- they'll often try to heal you with things like firetrucks and sippy cups.

I have tried this game with adults too, but they just don't get into it like the kids. Go figure.

And just to clear up any misconceptions-
this isn't the only thing I'm probably going to hell for.

Two days.

That's about how long Jaysen was able to pull off this ohmigod-my-leg-is-broken-and-I'm-gonna-gimp-around-if-you-make-me-go-to-school charade. I have to admit- the boy is good. He's tried to pull off less than crafty attempts before, but this time, he stepped it up to a whole different level.

For over two days, he gimped around, at home and at school- sometimes with his leg bent, sometimes with it stiff as a board. He never broke character, even when he thought he was alone. He didn't break character when enticed with super-fun things like riding on the zip line. He sat out for recess. He has refused baths due to the pain level. He screamed and cried real tears anytime anyone touched it.

I think it actually got to the point where he believed he really couldn't move his leg, and that it was hurt. I told him that if his leg still hurt that much, he would have to take some medicine. He clamped a hand over his mouth and started bawling how his leg was better. It was fine, he could move it, and look! He did these jumping around moves and things to show me he was once again mobile- with his leg still stiff. But he really looked like he was trying!

Fast forward to last night.

"Baaaaath time!"
Kids magically show up in doorway of bathroom- I swear, I don't know how they do this.

"Okay, you guys are going to have to take a bath together tonight."
I undress both kids and Jaysen gets into the tub.

Wait for it, Mom...

I scoop up Rylan the Red One, who likes nothing better than to run around nekkid, and plop his chubbiness into the tub.

"Jaysen, Rylan's scared of the faucet. Could you switch places with him?"
Jaysen obliges.

Waaaait for it...

The kids play around for a bit- hair washing and body scrubbing ensue, and I enlist Jaysen to assist me in the washing of the fidgety Red One. Again he obliges.

Waaaaait for it...not just yet...

I get Rylan out of the tub and start to drain the water. When the water's almost gone, Jaysen pulls up the stopper again and launches himself from one end of the tub to the other (he loves to do this despite the several times he's hit a body part on the soap holder).

Now!!! Do it now! Go in for the kill!

"Oh wow, Jaysen! I am SO glad your leg is better!" (this has to be done as nonchalantly as possible, as over-enthusiasm is unacceptable)

"Yeah! (sort of shocked himself) My leg is all better!" Jaysen steps out of tub.

Okay- now reinforce it!

"Would you like a treat for your leg being all better?"

"Yes! Can I have a gumball?"

Abso-freakin-lutely.

Faces of Autism

Once upon a time, the lovely Casdok had an idea. "What would be a creative way to showcase our children- our beautiful children- our beautiful children with Autism? I think I'll start a blog that does just that". And so Faces of Autism was born.

Okay, well maybe it didn't happen quite like that, but really, this is a super-cool blog.

Faces of Autism

You should check it out. Like now. Go on, click the linky thing.

Was I right? Of course I was. It's awesome.

Since it is a super-cool blog, Mr. Super-cool Jaysen had to get his cuteness in there somewhere, so here is his post.

If you would like to contribute, email a picture and link (if you have one) to Casdok at motherofshrek@hotmail.co.uk. You do not need a blog to participate.



.

Lookout Bruce Lee!

Jaysen's pretty far behind when it comes to social interests. Sure, he's social in the friendly sort of way, but his interests are still very immature. The words "age appropriate" make me cringe. Needless to say, I am thrilled anytime he exhibits even the most remote spark of interest in anything superhero-ish, sporty-ish, or just rough-housing-ness. Last night, he developed a moment of intense interest for karate.

So.

Here's my son showing off his interpretive dance- I mean karate -moves.
In his Batman skivvies.

It's a 2 minute video, but you have to at least see the end- where he asks me to put his "moves" on a video, so he can show his friends his karate. In his Batman undies. Um, RLY? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Actually, it's more clothes than he usually wears at home, so he probably felt mighty dressed.

Rock on my little ninja! Keep working on those moves and momma will get you some cool nunchucks. Or maybe a tutu.

Heavy work activity.

An Autistic boy lives here.

Before:




After:





I call it... The Parade of Cups.
'Nuff said?

Hyper?

Umm...just a little.