Ups and Downs

First the good:
I'm happy to report that Jaysen has settled into his ESY schedule, and things are going well. He rides the bus with a bunch of kids, one of them being very vocal. This is a big step for J, since he is usually deterred from people making sounds like that. This year, either he knows the kid from school, or he's becoming more tolerant. Either way, 'tis good.

Now the rest:
The frustration with the video games continues. Coupled with that, is the return of the self-injurious behaviors. Sunday evening, he was playing some game on the computer, and he started punching himself in the head harder than I've ever seen before. It wasn't the familiar thudding sound, but more of a cracking sound. It was violent.

I can usually gauge when these episodes are going to escalate, but this was one of the times it spiked too quickly for me to catch.

I've posted on Jaysen's self-harming before, and it's still just as heartbreaking. To watch your child hit his head, bite his arm, punch himself in the face, leave welted streaks down his cheeks from scratches... in my opinion, will never feel comfortable.

You want so badly to take away their pain- and I'm not just talking about the pain they're inflicting, but the pain that is causing the infliction- but you can't seem to figure out how.
I've been trying for years to teach different coping skills and methods. I've never disallowed him to stim. I've held tightly. I've yelled. I've ignored. I've medicated. I've spoken softly. I haven't spoken. I've protected. I've intervened. I feel like I just don't know what avenue to go down now.

It's difficult with Rylan too- he's become pretty aggressive. I don't know if it's "terrible two's" or whatnot (Jaysen was my first, so I don't really know what "typical terrible two" behavior necessarily is), but his aggression is freaking me out. He'll do something mean, and think it's funny. Not just laugh at your reaction, but look straight at yoou while he's about to do whatever evil deed it is, make eye contact, put on his "cute face", proceed to pummel whatever his intended target is, then crack up about it. The kid will even stand in time out smiling.

Like I said, I don't know if this is typical, if he's reacting to the fire, or if he's observing his brother beat the everlovin' tar out of himself, that is feeding this aggression.

The other night- we're chillin' at home, Jaysen's playing his DS at the table, Rylan's across from him drawing, and I'm in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. *Crash* And I hear the scream of a wounded child. The big one. I ran into the dining room where Jaysen is holding his head, crying so hard he can't talk. Rylan is smiling, still in his seat where I left him a few minutes prior.

A survey of the area, and I couldn't believe what happened.
The kids were just sitting there, when for no apparent reason, Rylan picked up his glass and chucked it at Jaysen's head. The glass shattered on impact, right above Jaysen's eye. Oh.my.freakin.buddha.biscuits.
Nice goose egg forming, but no cuts or glass shards in eyes. Thank Manischewitz.

I was irate.
Rylan then proceeded to cut his hand on the broken glass as I was trying to pick up the shards and tend to Jaysen, so now there are two kids with injuries and a floor full of broken glass.
What the hell, people? Is this freakin' normal, or is my child the next Ted muthafuckin Bundy?

By the way...

If anyone remembers Jaysen's ESY schedule, please let me know...
Brain fried. I can't seem to remember if he starts on Monday or Tuesday.

What a start, eh?

To ESY or not to ESY.

*sigh* I originally decided not to send Jaysen to ESY this summer. I just thought it's too much too soon- he doesn't want to go anyway...he's so clingy... and as usual, I start second guessing myself.

So, I undecided, then redecided, undecided, and re-redecided... anyway, he's going.
I think he needs the routine of things, the structure, and the socialization. Not to mention that his ESY teacher is supposed to be his awesomely fantastical Sp.Ed teacher from last year. Yay!

Anyway- just a quickie before bed.
Not THAT kind of quickie... pervs.

And yes, I have a computer again.
You're so lucky. Haha.

Potpourri.

ESY has been going great for Jaysen. He really seems to like it! When I say he likes it, I mean he goes outside at 7am to wait for the bus. The bus doesn't come until 8am. I'm so impressed. Cold, in the morning, but impressed.

I got my hair cut yesterday- actually, I got it chopped. I don't know what it was about this lady, but for some odd reason, I really trusted her. I haven't had a haircut in over a year (with all of the drama this year, who even thinks of a haircut?), so my hair was reaching down my back. I got over 7 inches cut off, and now my hair is just below my chin. It's strange to me, but it's a really cute cut.

While I was waiting for the stylist, a little girl walked up to me and said-
"Are you Jaysen's Mom?"
*looking around for minions* "Um...yes..."
"How's Jaysen's summer going?"
Who is this girl? "It's going really well. He's having a great time. How is your summer?"
"Good. I was in Jaysen's first grade class. And his Kindergarten class."
Aha! "Yes you were. Are you doing anything this summer? Jaysen went to camp and he really liked it."
"No. Okay...bye!"
"Bye!"

Hee hee. The Mom walked up and we chatted for a bit. She was one of the Moms who met me for that little meeting I had about the drama, so it was cool for us to chat under non-stressful conditions.

In other news, I received a letter from the Board of Ed, saying that I am totally in the wrong- Ms.GenEd has taught many special needs kids (Funny- because at the beginning of the year, she asked me what an IEP was), and they do not believe for a minute Ms.Principal acted the way I alleged (Really? Because I have documented proof that she did). So of course, there's the part of me that wants to bust it all open and respond to their letter, but the rational side is stopping me from doing so, for fear of starting next year off on bad terms. *Ugh* sometimes I hate being the bigger person.

That's my update for now- I have to get going to work. Whoot whoot- Happy Friday everyone!

ESY day one

I fought so hard for ESY services (Extended School Year, i.e. summer school), that I think I worked myself up into a tizzy once it was approved. My brain just stopped working.

Today was Jaysen's first day of ESY. I thought I would be excited, but I realized this morning, just how unprepared I was for this. I realized that there while we worked diligently for a transition plan into 2nd grade, we negated to set one up for ESY. Will there be an aide on the bus? Will there be someone to walk him in and show him which room to go to? How many kids are in his class? Does he even have a class? Why I didn't think of these things until the day of, I just don't know.

I had been trying to prepare Jaysen for the past few days- talking to him about the "summer learning" program (we're avoiding the word "school" to keep confusion and meltdowns to a minimum), what days he would be going, and for how long.

This morning, he told me, "I'M NOT GOING TO SUMMER LEARNING!"
Wonderful.
He carried on about how he was NOT going today, and I had visions of carrying him into the school kicking and screaming. And I mean me kicking and screaming.

The bus was over 30 minutes late. I debated if I should drive him.
Finally, the bus pulls up in front of our house.
"Jaysen! Bus! There's the bus!" (*grit teeth and lower center of gravity to steady kid-catching stance*)

To my surprise, Jaysen bolts out of the door, running toward the bus at top speed. He stops in the doorway and is announcing something to the driver. I don't know what it was because I'm leaping through the grass, in my high heels, with his backpack flailing, trying to catch up to him.

He whips the backpack on and (literally) jumps onto the bus. I enter the buss to give him a kiss goodbye, and tell him to have a great day.

"Okay! Bye Mom."

" ? "

I have no idea what flipped the script.

Companion said that Jaysen was in good spirits when he came home, so he either liked it, or he thinks that it was a one-time deal, and won't have to go back tomorrow. I'm in trouble if it's the latter.