Sunday, August 30, 2009

You're gonna love my nuts.

I am totally obsessed, and can't stop watching.
This is chock full of The Awesome.

It's stuck in your head now, isn't it?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Holding my breath.

It's too quiet.
And I'm starting to tweak.

Why am I freaking out?
Because (gasp) school is starting soon, and I'm not freaking out.
I know that probably makes about as much sense as butt-hairs on a tarantula, but it's effing true.

I am freaking out, because I am not freaking out.

Jaysen starts third grade soon.
Third grade!
That's big! Huge!
That's like the equivalent of a sophomore for elementary school!
Third grade is where it all really begins.
It's the start of social circles.
It's the start of real projects and assignments.
It's the start of math homework that mom may not be able to help with.
It's the start of new interests.
It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

This damn school is so wonderful, that I have no doubt they have Jaysen's best interest at heart. They make me feel comfortable that my son is in good hands. And apparently I don't like to feel comfortable. Comfortable is very un-comforting to me.

I'm holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the phone call that informs me that the school was ransacked by pirates and there won't be any red jello this year. Or the sp.ed teacher was arrested for having sex with a giraffe. Or the gen.ed teacher won the lotto and moved to Switzerland to become an expert knife sharpener. Or the principal had gender reassignment surgery and now requires to be addressed as The Lovely Princess Mojito... Something is going to happen, because that's just how it goes!

Why can't I just relax and let the school year start like any other parent?!?!
And why wasn't xanax included on the school supply list again this year?


Friday, August 21, 2009

A pic is worth 1000 words... or evidence.

Wanted to share some pics of our vacation- now that we're home.

Jaysen showing his swimmin' skillz.

He got nervous without his vest on.

OMG... Enough with teh cute!

The Red One trying to give me a heart attack...

And we went to this supadope learning center, where there were all kinds of learning experiences to be had.

You could ride a bike and generate enough electricity to turn on a lightbulb...

And play some really cool instruments...

Or learn all about creepy-crawlies...

Although some of us were a lot braver than others.

All of that hands-on activity stuff really wears you out...

Or not...

Monday, August 17, 2009


Have I mentioned I've been coming up here since I was 6 months old?
Been staying at the same hotel too.
I love Charlevoix.

Things I don't like about this hotel-
It hasn't been remodeled or redecorated since the '70's.
The air conditioning has two settings. Cold and Colder.
The bathroom is tiled pink, with blue toilet, sink, and shower.
There is no lock on the bathroom door.
I'm 5'6", and the shower head is 5'4", so I have to crouch just to wash my hair.

Things I love about this hotel-
It hasn't been remodeled or redecorated since the '70's.
The air conditioner has two settings. Cold and Colder.
The bathroom is tiled pink, with blue toilet, sink, and shower.
There is no lock on the bathroom door.
I'm 5'6". and the shower head is 5'4", so I have to crouch just to wash my hair.

It's all about the charm.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The up side of Up North.

Although The Attitude is still possessing my son, I have to say, this vacation is not a total loss.

The highlight so far is we totally ran into Richard Golden.
What do you mean you don't know who Richard Golden is?!?
You totally know Richard Golden.
The "Sexy Specs" guy?

Heck yeah!

No, he didn't do the dance.

Not this dance either.
But it doesn't really matter, because he didn't do either one.

Another piece of awesomeness...

I was chillin on the bed thinking wow, Jaysen's been in the bathroom a really long time... when he emerged, wet, and asked me where the bucket was.

"Jaysen? Why are you wet?"

"I'm taking a baf"."

Since I didn't start a bath for him, I was slightly perplexed. "Um... where are you taking a bath?"

"Inna baftub. Where's the bucket to rinse my hair?"

I follow him into the bathroom, to find he was indeed in the process of taking a bath!

Technically, the hotel only has a stand up shower, but it's very deep. Perfect to bathe kids in, but there is no stopper. You have to take the ice bucket liner and line the drain with it to fill up the "tub". He did just that. Aside from the water being on the cold side, it was a perfectly drawn bath.

I was shocked and amazed.
And when he was done? he pulled the "stopper" out and put it back where I keep it!

This kid is thirteen kinds of awesome.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Vacation like the Go-Go's.

Day two of our fabulous vacation!

You didn't know we were going on vacation?
Oh. Guess I was so busy with everything else, I kinda forgot to mention it.

It's our annual vacatio to be-yoo-tee-ful Charlevoix!

Day one was a complete mess.
Sucked like a highschool virgin.
I figured as much because it was a really long car ride, and the transition of the first day of anything is usually hell on Jaysen.
We really went at it though.

Within the first couple of hours, Rylan managed to get hit in the head with a doorknob, fall in the parking lot, and wedge his finger between the screen and doorwall to the balcony. All of this screaming put Jaysen over the edge in sensory land, and it was meltdown city. Not to mention he had been a complete butthole all day. I can call him that- I'm his mom.

Day two.
Much better.
We went to the beach, and although the weather was gorgeous, the water was so effing cold, I would have rather eaten a guacamole covered turd.
Okay, maybe not, but I still opted to sit on the shoreline and get splashed with frigid water every time a boat went by. That way the water is just torturous since you never really get the chance to get used to it. Apparently, I'm a big fan of self-torture.

Jaysen had no issues. Jumped right in.
Rylan stayed on the shore with me. Smart kid.

Then we tortured the kids and went for lunch at this awesome grotto. I love this place, but there is only one thing Jaysen will eat- but really, you only need one thing, right? So, gourmet pizza it was. Un-gourmet'ed of course.

Swim time again- this time in the hotel pool.

Jaysen still with the attitude.
Because now he's only happy if he's getting his way.
"His way", is eating 4 bags of potato chips in one sitting, and then asking for M&M's.
"No" to the M&M's just sent him over the edge.
Now he's being evil to everyone.

I feel bad because I totally went off on him yesterday. Momzilla style.
Totally fighting the urge to do it again right effing now.
I cannot deal with the attitude...

Now if you'll excuse me, I feel the need to make my child's life hell.
I'm deciding between taking away a privilege, or making him brush his teeth for no reason.

Decisions... decisions...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Love is in the air?

"The hearts... the love... the kisses!"
"Kiss me, Bella!"

Excerpts from the book Twilight?
Straight from the mouth of my 7 year old, about a girl in his class.
Over, and over, and over.

I am so screwed.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Know what's gross?
Like really, really gross?
Grosser than a hickey from Steven Tyler?
Grosser than Ron Jeremy nekkid?
Grosser than this guy?
Grosser than Jocelyn Wildenstien?


You're driving home from work.
It's hot, despite the open window.
You're getting a little sticky.
You realize, damn- I am one funky mess!
However, you notice the lovely smell wafting from your pits, isn't your usual earthy musk.

It's then you realize that you probably forgot to wash the donated shirt you're wearing.
Other people's BO mixed in with your sweatiness.


It's kind of out of character for me to do a post like this, but I thought this was way cool.
Cool like Ice-T cool. Cool like Kool-Aid. Cool like, well... me.
You get the picture.

There are portions of the article that raise some questions for me, but whatev.
Checkit out.

College for Autistics

The Autism News
By Michael Bernick

The California State University East Bay campus in the Hayward hills is the site of an unusual experiment in higher education for people with autism. Starting in the fall quarter, college-age autistics will be encouraged to attend and build an educational community; one that draws on the autistics’ unusual academic strengths. The experiment will test the possibilities for autistics in a university setting, and more generally the possibilities for a range of students with disabilities.

Twenty years ago in California and across the nation autism was largely invisible. Today, rarely a day goes by that there is not an article regarding autism in the news media. The shelves of bookstores and libraries are filled with books on causation of autism, early intervention, parenting and even “warrior mothers” of autistics.

The state Senate has formed a Senate Select Committee on Autism and Related Disorders, the second such committee formed in the past four years. A Senate report estimates that by the year 2012 at least 70,000 autistics will be registered with the state’s Regional Center system, and the number of Californians with a condition on the autistic spectrum will number more than 350,000.

The emerging Center for College Students with Autistic Spectrum Disorders is an attempt to open wider higher education for autistics. The young adults with autism, born in California in the late 1980s and early 1990s when the number of diagnosed cases of autism grew geometrically, are now reaching college age. They and their parents are faced with life after high school. In particular, they are challenged to find alternatives to a life of dependency and Social Security payments that has been the main lot of adult autistics in California.

An estimated 70 percent of adults with autism in California are unemployed, with the majority enrolled in the Supplemental Security Income/Social Security Disability Insurance systems. Much of the growing literature on autistics focuses on their limitations and disabilities: the socially awkward behaviors, the large gaps in cognition and conceptualization, the self-stimulating behavior like spinning or rocking and self-talking.

But it is also true that many students with autism possess academic skills more advanced than many students in computation, observation and documentation. They often bring a different way of looking at the world and a singular creativity. Can these skills and insights be harnessed in ways that allow the students with autism to succeed in college and in the larger world and work world? This question is central to the experiment about to begin in Hayward. While its outcome is uncertain, we can be certain of a few of the elements needed for any success.

One key element will be the involvement of parents. At a time when public university resources are declining, the parents will need to bring a heavy investment of time and financial resources to the center. A second key element will be the ability of the students with autism to build their own network of mutual support. As longtime disability rights advocate Catherine Baird notes, students with disabilities cannot depend on the kindness of others. A critical mass of students with autism needs to exist at a university, and these students need to provide the social and academic support for each other.

A third key will be the university itself, and the evolving role of higher education in our state’s economy. The California State University system for years has done the heavy lifting in higher education, producing the teachers, nurses and technicians needed in California, as well as a range of other professionals. This initiative builds on the CSU’s role as most responsive to the state’s changing job structure and changing demographics.

Imagine Raymond Babbitt of “Rain Man” in college. Might it not be a better alternative for him, and much less expensive for society, than institutionalization or the SSI/SSDI government system? Might he even bring unusual skills that can enrich university life for others?

Michael Bernick, former director of the California Employment Development Department, is the chairman of the advisory board of the CSU East Bay autism center.