Tuesday, February 22, 2011

New post- birthday edition

It's mah birfday!

Ever get those B-day wishes that kinda make you feel special? And by special, I mean you kinda question your sanity for even knowing these people? The people who make birthdays really special?

I do.
And this year, extra special birthday thank yous go out to the following:

Marianne, who gave me my very first birthday greeting at 2:14am this morning.
Jaysen, whose first words to me this morning were "Yo, Mom.....happy birthday."
Wandy, who promised me a unicorn.
My coworker who wished me to have a zombietastic birthday.

And Ex.
The winner of everything special...who sent me a text this afternoon wishing me a Happy Escape from Vagopolis Day.

Yes, he's still single, ladies....

*Now updated* to include my cousin D, who called me to say "Hey, is this my old ass cousin?"
Thanks, yo.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Summer lovin'....

Starting to stress about the summer already. There's 9 inches of snow outside, but I am stressing about the summer.
The kids are going to have to go to camp, so I'm starting the research process to find one that fits.

Jaysen came with me to visit the first one...

Will keep looking.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Back by popular demand.

Okay! I know I haven't posted in eleventy billion years, but I've been busy.
Or something like busy.

Anyway, because the people have demanded it *ahem, Dad*, I am really going to try to make an effort to be more consistent with my entries here.
Because you all love me. *ahem, Dad*

Because I live to tease my kids about....well, anything really... this was the conversation this morning:

Me: So Jaysen. Do you have a girlfriend yet???
Jaysen: No! That's disgusting!
Me: No it's not disgusting! When are you getting married? I want grandbabies you know.
Jaysen: I am not marrying Marissa.
Me: Ooooh....Marissa, eh? Okay, well maybe we'll get you a mail order bride. Like off of Amazon or something. Maybe ebay.
Jaysen: *ignoring me by now, but probably wondering how she would fit in a box*
Me: So what would you do if a girl came up and kissed you on the cheek?
Jaysen: I would freak out.
Me: *Bwahahahaha!* But kisses are nice.
Jaysen: I know kisses are nice. I like to kiss moms.
Me: Um. What other moms are you kissing?
Jaysen: You....and Moppi....she's your mom....
Me: Okay. So when are you going to get married so I can have grandkids?
Jaysen: Mom. You'll be dead.
Me: *blink blink* Erp?

My son. Killin' me off before the promise of grandkids.
He is so grounded.

Monday, February 7, 2011

An open letter to my Wii Fit.

Dear Wii Fit,

I have tried for so long to love you. It just isn't working out for me. It's not you...it's me. No, wait...it's you. I hate you.

It isn't enough that you mock me when I step onto the balance board with an "Oh!" like you are surprised that I weigh that much. Nice. I hate you. But in the event that I actually gain weight, you proceed to make my Mii plump out magical like (and she seems just as shocked too), and now? I have the fattest Mii in the lineup. Yay me! Or yay Mii. You can suck it either way.

Exhibit A

Also? When we are doing jackknifes together, you really need to reconsider the counting thing. Every single time, I swear you are saying "one more to go!" and I get all excited- but really, it is "tw-ONE-ty more to go!" Seriously? That is a cruel trick. You are an asshole.

Insults aside, I am convinced you are trying to gaslight me. I used to use the female trainer. But I got bored with her svelte ass gently telling me I just "wasn't strong enough for this exercise", so I am batting for the other team and have switched to the Dood. I like Dood. Dood is alright in my book. He does not make me feel self conscious with my fatparts jiggling all around. Why? Because he is apparently a eunuch. Which is delightfully entertaining. I trust Dood. But then one day, there is something different with Dood. Something is off. Hmmm...what could it be? Hey- when did he get that metro ponynub? Is Dood's hair long enough for a ponytail? Is it just too hot inside of my television today? Did Dood get fired and this is his replacement? Did he run off with Chick? Is Chick preggers?!?!? Why have I never noticed this before? And then the next day, he's back to his usual self.

See for yourself.

This is Dood. Nice looking, non-judgemental, kindhearted...he cares, yo.

This is back of Dood.

Hmm...what's this? An interloper?

WTF Dood?!? You're obviously more absorbed with your looks than you are with my health.
Go screw yourself.

You be the judge.

So, I am leaving you for Zumba, where the girl trainer is upbeat and motivating, and the Guido-boy trainer looks at you with crazy-eyes, just like he probably would in a real club, because you are blocking his reflection in the mirror. He too, is self absorbed, but at least he doesn't front.