Saturday, May 30, 2009

Freak out.

Just my annual freak out when I realize that there's...

10 days left of the school year!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fun at the Fair.

Busiest weekend ever.

We went to a local fair on Sunday-
The kids had a blast.

Jaysen wanted to ride a bazillion rides-
I got out of the ones I could, but others, I felt more comfortable with an adult being with him.

OMG- the Crazy Mouse?
Yeah. It was scary.

That's us- way the hell up there...

It may look small and cute, but that thing was a bad mammajamma.

Jaysen and I are to the right. If you look really close, you can see us clinging to each other for dear life.

When it stopped, I asked Jaysen if he liked it.
He looked at me and said, "yeah.... it was kinda scary." He did not want to go on it again.
Which was good, because neither did I.

Freakin' Crazy Mouse.

Companion got to ride with Rylan.
Aww... my 'lil helicopter pilots!

Since he didn't have to face the Crazy Deathmouse, I feel totally obliged to let everyone know Companion got queasy on the Teacup ride.

Yes- The Teacups. How awesome is that?!?

I do have to say, that despite his wooziness, he did take The Red One on another ride, totally earning his machismo badge back. Yay, Companion! World's awesomest Dad.

All in all, we had a great time.
Jaysen did an awesome job waiting in lines for the rides- he was way more patient than I was.
He hated the Bumper Cars.
I think there was way too much sensory stuff going on- plus, he couldn't really figure out how to get the car to move. He had a bunch of people shouting directions at him, and came close to losing it. He held it together though (I think because he was a little scared).
The Fun House was another story, not to mention there was no waiting!
He dragged me through that thing 4 times. Then he took Companion.
Then we made him go himself.
Awesome fun for everyone!
Well, maybe not Companion...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ohm Eye Gawd.

Gross, gross, GROSS!

Jaysen has been counting down the days for today. What could possibly be so special about today???

Today was the day I (reluctantly) volunteered to dissect an eyeball for Jaysen's class.
They took all the second graders (yes, that's right, second graders) into the cafeteria, and split them into groups of 5, with a volunteer.

Blah, blah, blah...
This sheep's eyeball was plunked onto a paper plate in front of me.
It didn't even look like I remember them looking like in middle school.
It rolled around a bit, and we sat there staring at each other (me and the eyeball) for what seemed like a really long time. A really long time.

The girls were wary, the boys were in full on gross-out mode.
Except Jaysen.
Although he had been anticipating this day for weeks, he was hit with a big dose of oh-shit-it-really-is-a-real-eyeball.
And so was I.

Being the mom that I am, I quickly sucked it up, grabbed my scalpel, and tried to make the instructed cut to remove the cornea.

Ohmigod...the smell. it even cutting?
Ohmigod...can I do this?
Ohmigod...what is that shit squirting out of it?
Ohmigod...that kid knew it was vitreous humorous.
Ohmigod...cornea off. NOW it looks like a real eye. A really dead one.
Ohmigod...this is the nastiest thing since I cut Ex's toenails that one time. One time.
Ohmigod...wh...wait...where is Jaysen?

Apparently, my little braveheart took off like a bat outta hell.

He watched the cut, watched me remove the cornea, saw the kids passing it around to inspect it, looked into the really-dead-looking-eye, and freakin' bolted.

Momma didn't raise no dummy.

A few minutes later, he was re-routed back to me by his para. They're working on having him ask permission to leave whatever situation he is in, so she prompted him to ask my permission to leave.

*Eyes bigger than I've ever seen* "Mommy... can I go to the Resource Room?"
"Is it really gross? I think it's gross t...."
"Can I go to the Resource Room?!?"
"MOMMY! I hafta go to the RESOURCE ROOM and you hafta come WIF me!"
"Honey, I can't leave, but I'll catch up with you later..."
"Okaybye Mommy!"

And off he went at a faster pace than a walk, but not quite a run.
Looking over his shoulder the whole time.

I did have to chuckle about the whole scenario after the fact, but it was really that gross.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Aren't you glad you asked?!?

Thank you for ASSking... the booty-bombs are a success.

The compound pharmacy has not made this particular antibiotic (Zithromax) into a suppository before, so I don't know if there's some tweaking that needs to happen, or if some minor discomfort is to be expected.

Jaysen will take the suppos willingly enough, but after a few seconds, he becomes concerned, and tells me it's hurting him. I told him to let me check, and he recanted, saying he was only joking. Only joking? Then why does your face look like your intestines are coming alive and threatening to take over your physical body?

I told him that he has to be honest and tell me if it hurts. He didn't. Of course. Martyr.
See, now that he's found something that he can tolerate, he's afraid that if he is deemed "not able to take it", his only other option will be oral medication again. Which he cannot tolerate. At all.

What he does do, is- take a hefty poop just before bed. We go to his room, and after the suppository is in, he lays in bed stiff as a board. After a few minutes, he'll come out of his room and ask me if his butt-medicine is melted yet. I'll tell him not yet, but in another 20 minutes it will be. He comes out 5 minutes later. Melted yet? No. 5 minutes later. Now? No.

I can see the discomfort on his face growing. I give in and tell him his time's up and the medicine is melted. He sighs relief and heads straight for the bathroom. He poos. Again. This time, there is poo and suppos in the toilet. Poo'pos. I wonder how much of the med was absorbed.

This has been our nightly routine.
He seems to be getting better anyway, and I'm just taking this first experience with antibiotic suppositories as a learning experience. We're learning how his body reacts to this new way of medicating, and we'll make adjustments as necessary for the next time.

All in all, I would still say... HUGE SUCCESS!
Time for the crappy dance. I mean happy dance.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Is that an ass on your head, or just a hat?

We're still sick. Allus.
Although my rockin' Mother's Day was a nice diversion from our family's misery, the crappiness is stalwart, and we were forced to seek medical attention.
The adults are hacking up things that could be sold as appetizers in some countries.
Jaysen is hacking, feverish, runny nose, crusty cracked corners of the mouth, and intermittently puking.
Rylan is hacking and has so much snot running out of his nose holes, his face looks like a glazed donut. He also has red eyes because he wipes said "glaze" from nose to eyes. Loverly.

This brought us to:

The World's crappiest doctor's appointment!

The pediatricians office we go to has a bunch of really cool doctors, and a couple of them that I really don't care for. So, it just figures that the only appointment available was with a doctor that I'm not particularly fond of. When you're limited on time, you don't have much choice. We took the appointment.

Here's the words of wisdom from Dr. Asshat:

Rylan- He has fluid behind both ears.
Could clear up on its own, or turn into double ear infection.
Come back in a few days if he doesn't get better.
Seriously? Okay, because we've already been sick for a week, assblaster.

Jaysen- He has bronchitis.
We should get a blood test though, to rule out anything like infection.
(Crap... I promised Jaysen no medicine, finger-pokes, or shots.)

Much screaming ensued, but the nurse was able to indeed prick his finger to get a blood droplet. My kid thought he was dying, people. The look on his face would be the look I would expect to see on a person's face as they are watching a serial killer disembowel them.
Think I'm exaggerating?
Here's a picture Jaysen drew of the experience.

Terror, friends.

To make a long story shorter, he put Jaysen on an antibiotic for the bronchitis.
Me: Does Zithromax come in a suppository? He can't take oral meds.
Doc: No.
Me: Okay... is there something else you can give him? He can't take oral meds.
Doc: No. Just hide it in pudding.
Me: He can't eat pudding.
Doc: Put it in applesauce.
Me: He can't eat applesauce. He gags. He can't take oral meds because of his sensory issues.
Doc: Well, you'll have to find something he will eat and put it in that.
Me: (aware Momzilla is trying to escape) He just can't take 'em. There has to be something else you can give him.
Doc: I can give him a shot.
Me: Okay. Give him the shot.
Doc: Well, it's not a shot of the same thing, and it's not something we give for bronchitis. Ever.
Me: *blink blink* Um, then why would you bring it up as an option?
Doc: Zithromax liquid is the only thing I'm giving him. I don't know what to tell you.
Me: (gritting my teeth) Just give me the script. I'll try it and call you if it doesn't work.

Long story short, it didn't work.

I called Dr. Asshat back and was told there is nothing they can do for us.
Me: So, what you're telling me is I just have to let my child walk around with Bronchitis?
Nurse: If he won't take the meds, you may have to take him to the hospital for IV therapy.
Me: Fine.


*begin non-denominational prayer*
I called the compound pharmacy.

Their staff was awesome. They didn't know if they would be able to make a suppository, but they were willing to check their database. If their database had a formula, they could do it.

They Have A Formula!

All they need is a script from Dr. Asshat, and I can pick up the butt bullets this evening!
Oh snap. Dr. Asshat is, well... an asshat.

Nurse: Dr. Asshat already wrote a script for zithromax.
Me: I know. I need this script to go to a compound pharmacy. They're able to make a suppository.
Nurse: Why would you have it filled at Rite Aid for an oral med if you knew your son wouldn't take it?
Me: (Are you kidding me?) Because Dr. Asshat told me there was nothing else he could do.
Nurse: So now you want him to write another script?
Me: Yes.
Nurse: I'll have to talk to him. I don't think he'll write another one since you filled the first one.
Me: Ohmigod. Are you crappin' serious? I filled it because you people don't listen!
Why do I have to remind everyone in the whole office that Jaysen has ASD? That he has sensory issues that impair his ability to tolerate certain things? That you can't give conventional treatments to an a-typical kid? Why am I explaining this to people who have been his primary care physicians for all 7 years of his life? I want this script faxed to the compound pharmacy and you tell Dr. Asshat to call me if there is a problem.
Nurse: Sigh... okay, I'll pass that on.

You do that, biatch.

Ugh. I'm so flippin' irritated.
I haven't heard from anyone yet, so my only hope is that these suppositories will be at the ready when I drive out to BFE to pick them up. Not to mention that the compound pharmacy doesn't take insurance, but this is my son's health, y'know?!?

I hope Dr. Asshat chokes on a tube sock.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Best Mother's Day Evar.

So geeked.
I had the absolute best Mother's Day.

I woke up to breakfast in bed-
Companion cooked, but told me Jaysen had full charge of the menu.
An egg sammich with cheese, bacon, and coffee.

On the tray was also a small wrapped present, a plant, and a card from Jaysen and Rylan.
I read the cards, so sweet... Jaysen had asked Rylan what he wanted on his card- Ry chose an airplane, so Jaysen drew it for him.

I unwrapped the present to find a gorgeous heart-shaped bread warmer
(which is on my mantle, and will NOT be warming any bread, thank you).

My question of why there was a plant on the tray (plant is the new flower?), was answered when I was instructed to unwrap it...

For real? It's gorgeous! Look at the time that was put into that baby!

I didn't really get a chance to eat my breakfast-
I was lead out into the hallway, where Jaysen turned back to Companion and said,
"She's gonna cry."

Of course, he was right.

I also got this awesome picture

And accolades galore...

For those with vertigo, a translation:

1. She is beautiful. (he's so observant)
2. My mom is nice.
3. My mom is a good cook. (coming from a kid who never eats...I must make a mean cheese-it)
4. My mom plays games with me. (faith healer?)
5. My mom teaches me euerything (everything).
6. My mom is a good mom.
7. My mom is my helper.
8. My mom takes no cigarettes. (he's proud I quit smoking)
9. My mom is super very smart. (apparently, so is he)
10. My mom reads books to me.


Companion explained that Jaysen had done such a good job keeping his secrets- not giving me my present(s) before Mother's Day, and keeping their plans under wraps.
For the past week, Jaysen would intermittently say to Companion "I want something to say to you" and would pull Companion in his bedroom and close the door.
They were totally conspiring!

Jaysen was so proud of himself.
He was so excited that he pulled everything off and it made me so happy.
I was absolutely overwhelmed.

My boys-

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Feel like a monkey's arse. Prommise to blog again when I can once again breathe...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Ugh. The Sick has visited us yet again.
Actually, just Jaysen, poor kid.

The fever didn't come back, but apparently a high fever (103-104) can be a precursor to-
Hand, foot, and mouth disease.
Doesn't that just sound lovely?

Well it gets better.

Apparently, if you only have HFMD in the throat, it's called-
Oh yes.
And I wasn't aware Jaysen even had a "gina".

And if that's not enough,
HFMD (and herpangina) is caused by the-
Coxsackie virus.

Oh good god, how did I make it through this doctor appointment without pissing myself?

For real? Herpangina? Coxsackie?
You've got to be kidding me.
Some medical person out there had a Freudian fun time naming those.

And for the record?
Kids are gross.