Is that an ass on your head, or just a hat?

We're still sick. Allus.

Although my rockin' Mother's Day was a nice diversion from our family's misery, the crappiness is stalwart, and we were forced to seek medical attention.

The adults are hacking up things that could be sold as appetizers in some countries.

Jaysen is hacking, feverish, runny nose, crusty cracked corners of the mouth, and intermittently puking.

Rylan is hacking and has so much snot running out of his nose holes, his face looks like a glazed donut. He also has red eyes because he wipes said "glaze" from nose to eyes. Loverly.

This brought us to:

The World's crappiest doctor's appointment!

The pediatricians office we go to has a bunch of really cool doctors, and a couple of them that I really don't care for. So, it just figures that the only appointment available was with a doctor that I'm not particularly fond of. When you're limited on time, you don't have much choice. We took the appointment.

Here's the words of wisdom from Dr. Asshat:

Rylan- He has fluid behind both ears.

Could clear up on its own, or turn into double ear infection.

Come back in a few days if he doesn't get better.

Seriously? Okay, because we've already been sick for a week, assblaster.

Jaysen- He has bronchitis.

We should get a blood test though, to rule out anything like infection.

(Crap... I promised Jaysen no medicine, finger-pokes, or shots.)

Much screaming ensued, but the nurse was able to indeed prick his finger to get a blood droplet. My kid thought he was dying, people. The look on his face would be the look I would expect to see on a person's face as they are watching a serial killer disembowel them.

Think I'm exaggerating?

Here's a picture Jaysen drew of the experience.

Terror, friends.

To make a long story shorter, he put Jaysen on an antibiotic for the bronchitis.
Me: Does Zithromax come in a suppository? He can't take oral meds.
Doc: No.
Me: Okay... is there something else you can give him? He can't take oral meds.
Doc: No. Just hide it in pudding.
Me: He can't eat pudding.
Doc: Put it in applesauce.
Me: He can't eat applesauce. He gags. He can't take oral meds because of his sensory issues.
Doc: Well, you'll have to find something he will eat and put it in that.
Me: (aware Momzilla is trying to escape) He just can't take 'em. There has to be something else you can give him.
Doc: I can give him a shot.
Me: Okay. Give him the shot.
Doc: Well, it's not a shot of the same thing, and it's not something we give for bronchitis. Ever.
Me: *blink blink* Um, then why would you bring it up as an option?
Doc: Zithromax liquid is the only thing I'm giving him. I don't know what to tell you.
Me: (gritting my teeth) Just give me the script. I'll try it and call you if it doesn't work.

Long story short, it didn't work.

I called Dr. Asshat back and was told there is nothing they can do for us.
Me: So, what you're telling me is I just have to let my child walk around with Bronchitis?
Nurse: If he won't take the meds, you may have to take him to the hospital for IV therapy.
Me: Fine.

Fan-flippin-tastic.

*begin non-denominational prayer*

I called the compound pharmacy.

Their staff was awesome. They didn't know if they would be able to make a suppository, but they were willing to check their database. If their database had a formula, they could do it.

They Have A Formula!

All they need is a script from Dr. Asshat, and I can pick up the butt bullets this evening!
Oh snap. Dr. Asshat is, well... an asshat.

Nurse: Dr. Asshat already wrote a script for zithromax.
Me: I know. I need this script to go to a compound pharmacy. They're able to make a suppository.
Nurse: Why would you have it filled at Rite Aid for an oral med if you knew your son wouldn't take it?
Me: (Are you kidding me?) Because Dr. Asshat told me there was nothing else he could do.
Nurse: So now you want him to write another script?
Me: Yes.
Nurse: I'll have to talk to him. I don't think he'll write another one since you filled the first one.
Me: Ohmigod. Are you crappin' serious? I filled it because you people don't listen!
Why do I have to remind everyone in the whole office that Jaysen has ASD? That he has sensory issues that impair his ability to tolerate certain things? That you can't give conventional treatments to an a-typical kid? Why am I explaining this to people who have been his primary care physicians for all 7 years of his life? I want this script faxed to the compound pharmacy and you tell Dr. Asshat to call me if there is a problem.
Nurse: Sigh... okay, I'll pass that on.

You do that, biatch.

Ugh. I'm so flippin' irritated.
I haven't heard from anyone yet, so my only hope is that these suppositories will be at the ready when I drive out to BFE to pick them up. Not to mention that the compound pharmacy doesn't take insurance, but this is my son's health, y'know?!?


I hope Dr. Asshat chokes on a tube sock.