First the good:
I'm happy to report that Jaysen has settled into his ESY schedule, and things are going well. He rides the bus with a bunch of kids, one of them being very vocal. This is a big step for J, since he is usually deterred from people making sounds like that. This year, either he knows the kid from school, or he's becoming more tolerant. Either way, 'tis good.
Now the rest:
The frustration with the video games continues. Coupled with that, is the return of the self-injurious behaviors. Sunday evening, he was playing some game on the computer, and he started punching himself in the head harder than I've ever seen before. It wasn't the familiar thudding sound, but more of a cracking sound. It was violent.
I can usually gauge when these episodes are going to escalate, but this was one of the times it spiked too quickly for me to catch.
I've posted on Jaysen's self-harming before, and it's still just as heartbreaking. To watch your child hit his head, bite his arm, punch himself in the face, leave welted streaks down his cheeks from scratches... in my opinion, will never feel comfortable.
You want so badly to take away their pain- and I'm not just talking about the pain they're inflicting, but the pain that is causing the infliction- but you can't seem to figure out how.
I've been trying for years to teach different coping skills and methods. I've never disallowed him to stim. I've held tightly. I've yelled. I've ignored. I've medicated. I've spoken softly. I haven't spoken. I've protected. I've intervened. I feel like I just don't know what avenue to go down now.
It's difficult with Rylan too- he's become pretty aggressive. I don't know if it's "terrible two's" or whatnot (Jaysen was my first, so I don't really know what "typical terrible two" behavior necessarily is), but his aggression is freaking me out. He'll do something mean, and think it's funny. Not just laugh at your reaction, but look straight at yoou while he's about to do whatever evil deed it is, make eye contact, put on his "cute face", proceed to pummel whatever his intended target is, then crack up about it. The kid will even stand in time out smiling.
Like I said, I don't know if this is typical, if he's reacting to the fire, or if he's observing his brother beat the everlovin' tar out of himself, that is feeding this aggression.
The other night- we're chillin' at home, Jaysen's playing his DS at the table, Rylan's across from him drawing, and I'm in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. *Crash* And I hear the scream of a wounded child. The big one. I ran into the dining room where Jaysen is holding his head, crying so hard he can't talk. Rylan is smiling, still in his seat where I left him a few minutes prior.
A survey of the area, and I couldn't believe what happened.
The kids were just sitting there, when for no apparent reason, Rylan picked up his glass and chucked it at Jaysen's head. The glass shattered on impact, right above Jaysen's eye. Oh.my.freakin.buddha.biscuits.
Nice goose egg forming, but no cuts or glass shards in eyes. Thank Manischewitz.
I was irate.
Rylan then proceeded to cut his hand on the broken glass as I was trying to pick up the shards and tend to Jaysen, so now there are two kids with injuries and a floor full of broken glass.
What the hell, people? Is this freakin' normal, or is my child the next Ted muthafuckin Bundy?