Monday, July 6, 2009

Miscellaneous ramblings.

I know people are probably getting sick of "the fire"... tough crap- deal with it.
First off- not having a computer at home really sucks.

On to my friends. I've done some "soul searching" about friends in the past-
I had friends- one could say a lot of friends.

Special needs parents know all too well, that once you have a special needs child, those "friends" seem to drop off the face of the earth.

All of the sudden, we're all too busy, their kids don't want to play with "boy toys", there just isn't time, you argue about your child (but never theirs), the phone stops ringing... Next thing you know, you used to have this friend...

I'm realizing the same kind of thing goes on in a real crisis.
I have friends. Actually more than I knew I did.
I'm actually amazed at the support of my community, my work, people who were in my life long ago, people who recently came into my life, and you all, my blog friends.

I'm also amazed at the few who are my very close friends, who seemed to have forgotten about us. I spoke to one of my closest friends the day of the fire, and haven't heard from them since. Not even a call to see how the kids are coping. Another friend heard what happened, sent me a text that they would call me that night. Still haven't heard from them, despite my reaching out.
These aren't just casual people in my life, but people I talked to on a daily basis.
It's just strange. And I don't quite know what to think of it.

The kids.
The kids are driving. me. crazy.
Constant fighting. It's like they don't know what to do without cable TV, so hey- let's try to kill each other! We can watch Mom's hair turn grey right before our eyes- it'll be like magic.

Rylan is thankfully sleeping better at night- not crying out "No! No! No!" anymore.
He talks about the firetrucks, the firemen, and the scary fire. He seems to be hitting the "terrible twos" at this very moment as well. I don't know if the two connect or not.

Jaysen has got me a little concerned. I expected a little regression- he wants me to sleep with him again, moments where he spaces out, a lot more talking to himself, has to be up my ass 99% of the time. But he also seems to have regressed in language as well. Yesterday, he wanted some cereal. He was able to ask me for the cereal, but couldn't recall what to put it in. I watched as he asked me what it was called, this thing, as he cupped his hands and mimed eating from a bowl. He just couldn't say "bowl". It's happened on several occasions, where he forgets a word that is very familiar with. And like I said, he's spacing out a lot more too.

I've tried talking with him, about the fire, and how he feels- I've gotten some thoughts out of him, but mostly I'm trying to reassure him that he's safe, and things are going to be okay.

The landlord.
Actually, the landlord's father.
This guy is really nice. He wants to invite us over for dinner?
He's a landscaper, so he set our sprinkler system to turn on every other day (water prices just jacked up in my city). He insists on mowing the lawn (at $30 a pop) every week. He comes over every day to check on the landscaping. He landscaped on Friday for 8 hours! He watered the lawn yesterday (even though it was an "off" day). Twice. And it rained! Jaysen calls him Bill, even though we don't know his name (but it's not Bill).
"Bill" is obsessed. He needs help.
He also doesn't speak much English, so I don't know how to ask him to chill out.

Could someone tell me how to say in Korean, "Dude... seriously? You have lawn-obsession. I love the cute orbs you shape the bushes into, but is it really worth the 7 hours you put into it? You do this every week? For reals- please chill. It's kinda freaky looking out the window as I'm doing dishes, and see you out there. Again. For the third time in a day. I'm sure you rock as a landscaper, but I'm trying to get my family back together here. They may think of you as a grandpa if you hang around this much. My oldest son has already named you. Also? Lawn does not need to be watered that much. Please stop coming over to water it. That's why you set the timer on the sprinkler system. I know you only live a street away, and we think you're very nice and cute in your little cowboy hat and gaudy sunglasses, but in the words of EPMD, you gots to chill..." that would be awesome.


ali said...

ok.. we are mailing your CD's, but we're worried about whether they'll get to the address you listed the address of a friend, who will know it's for you, or of a crisis center who gets mail for 500 people?? give me a name to put on the box! right now we have FAMILY DISPLACED BY FIRE. thanks! sending it 3 day mail.

Casdok said...

Great to hear you are being supported. But am sorry to hear how some of your friends are reacting. I hope they come to their senses pdq.
Hope you find some way in communicating with Bill!!
Hugs to you all.

Brenda said...

Did you get the kids' videos you were looking for?

mommy~dearest said...

No... not yet. There's lots of people looking, but nothing's been found yet...

Ashley's Mom said...

I just don't know how you sound so upbeat most of the time. I think I would be a quivering mass of despair by now. You are my hero!!

I have an older laptop computer if you are interested. You have to keep it plugged in all the time you are using it because the battery sucks, but other than that, it's functional. Let me know..

Erin said...

Why wouldn't the fire be the foremost thing on your mind - your house just burnt down! You have every right to obsess about that. And anyone who doesn't agree is an idiot. Although please try to remember that sometimes people need a gentle reminder, and like to be asked to do things (yeah, I think it's stupid, too...but it's true) if you need help moving a bunk bed, or doing something else, feel free to call some of the friends who have "forgotten" and ask them a favor...that will be the true test of a friendship. And I apologize that my Korean is lacking...although you might try talking to your landlord, if his English is any better.

ali said...

so... have they figured out WHAT started this huge fire??? i know the 3 layers made it burn faster but... how the hell did this happen?
oh- my husband is a roofer and is telling your story to clients that want to save money with a "go-over" instead of full removal and re-roof. your house(did you own it? hows the claim going? pay off yet?) shouldnt have burned so quickly!

mommy~dearest said...

They are able to tell the fire started in the garage but not able to pinpoint the cause of it.

The thing with the layers of roofing isn't that it made the fire spread faster- that was the ungodly amount of insulation I had just put in. The layers trapped the fire so even when they thought it was out, it was actually smoldering and would start up again. Loverly. It took 14 hours to put it totally out.

The claim is moving in slow motion, but at least it's moving? I think?

Shea's Mom said...

Thinking of you!

Hang in there.


Julie L. said...

Is the landlord as nice as is father? If he is and if he speaks much better English, perhaps you could pass a few guidleines along to the father along with a thank you. Something tells me you probably considered this option already though.

Hope Jaysen comes out of his regression. Will be thinking about all of you. take care--jml.

therextras said...

You talk about "Bill" as if he's a problem.

I'm thinking that psychotherapy (talking about feelings) is not the most effective method for addressing regressed behavior due to stress in children. At least you just said it does not work - and that he craves your, uhm, attention. Just saying.

More like, reassurance and stability and time. And, maybe ESY? heh.

Is there enough room in the rental to keep the boys separated - different rooms? Wishing you ongoing improvement in all things post-traumatic fire - like getting a computer (oh, you did) and no lawn work (oh, you don't) and a faster claims process. You do show us all a good picture of survival. I'm in the group with Ashley's Mom.

Maddy said...

I'd love to help but my Korean is a little rusty!