Monday, July 20, 2009

Third helping?

I feel compelled to blog about something that's come to my attention more than a few times in the past couple weeks. Apparently, people are wanting to know if I am going to... try for more children.

Are you people out of your freakin minds?!?

I mean, have you seen how crazy my life is already?
'Cuz let's just throw a baby on top of all of this- all smushy and cute, covered in drool, snot, and stale formula. No sleep til Brooklyn style.

Despite my tubal ligation and BBQ tweeter procedures, let's just pretend I could get pregnant. Um... I'm not exactly wanting to push anymore kids out of my hoo-ha thank you.
I've done it twice and amazingly enough, it still hasn't made my list of top 10 party games.
The Red One about killed me. And him. I don't care to relive anything like that ever again.
Plus, have you seen my aftermath of a belly that used to be all cute and tight?
Yeah. Awesome.
It's its own entity.
Not to mention, I'm freakin' old, peeps!

What's that? Adoption you say?
There was a time where I would have loved to adopt.
I would have preferred to adopt.
However, this was all before the Meltdown King and his Cute But Chock Full O' Evil little brother became my minions.
Thanks, my hands are full. And so are the Evil One's diapers.

Then the questions...
But what if you meet Mr. Right?
Then I will marry him as we ride off into the sunset on a unicorn, to live in our castle made out of gumdrops.
But what if he wants kids?
Trust me. Mr. Right doesn't want any more kids.
But how do you know?
The Leprechauns told me.
But don't you want...a girl?
Not anymore. I've come to the realization the world can only handle one of me.
Just ask my mom.

Did I mention that my little sister is getting married in the fall?
How about bugging her for some rugrats?
Oh- you did? And she said no? Really?
Hmm. I don't think she's serious. Ask her again. Like a million times.
She's just unsure. You should totally persuade her.

Officially, in writing, once again, I'm done like Big Fun. The Baby Factory is out of business.
So you can stop asking now, Jaysen.


Marshella said...

You totally crack me up. Even my husband was laughing at this. You sure have a way with words. :)

Joeymom said...

I get this, too. From my own sons. And I don't have the fun excuse of tied tubes. I'm just getting too old for this mess. :P

Heike said...

Just be careful. I had the old tubest tied. And three months later, along came Boo Boo! And lemme reassure you. Two is just fine...

ali said...

lololol cracked me up. yogi was snipped in May, but i doubt he needed to be, we've had ONE bio baby in a 17 year union LOL