Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Thought Process.

Jaysen doesn't like going to the psychiatrist. I've chalked it up to the fact that she doesn't have a bunch of cool toys like the psychologist or his other therapists. Yesterday made me rethink this assumption.

Usually, Jaysen is pretty fun, playful, and at ease once he's familiar with a person/situation. Moppi had to take him to this appointment because I couldn't get off from work, and she reported that Jaysen was unusually quiet, he wouldn't answer when the doctor talked to him, only answering questions in a meek voice when Moppi asked them.

Once the appointment was over (med review, so it was a really short appointment) and they were back in the car, Moppi asked him why he didn't like going to see Dr.K.

He paused before he said... "It reminds me."

That's all Moppi was able to get out of him. It reminds him? That sent chills down my spine. What does that mean? What does it remind him of? Did he mean that he remembers being there and he doesn't like going because it's boring? Does he mean that going there reminds him that he's different? Or does it mean something more complex like going there reminds him of how he used to be (out-of-control and full of anxiety) before the meds?

I feel bittersweet that he could be processing his differences. I know it's a great thing for him to possibly be processing, but no parent wants their child to feel ostracized, like they don't belong, or are inferior in some way. I am constantly trying to show Jaysen how awesome he is, and trying to build a foundation of positive self esteem. I think he knows that with me, but I wonder if he's internalizing other people's reactions- whether it be interactions with adults or teasing from his peers.

"It reminds me."

I know he's making an incredibly powerful statement, I just have to figure out what's beneath it.

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