This *is* what's happening, hawtstuff.

School is in full swing, and the boys are settling in nicely.  Rylan at his preschool, and Jaysen in 5th grade.
I still can't believe I have a 5th grader, and my baby will start kindergarten next year.

School is going alright- I am sensing some things happening that I am not in favor of, but we'll see where they go.  Jaysen has been moved to the Resource Room for the bigger portion of his day, and I am still not understanding what preempted this move.  I mean, they even moved his locker to the RR.  Erp?  Hmm.

Jaysen's Resource teacher tells me Jaysen has friends, and kids genuinely like him.  Jaysen told me yesterday, that kids don't want to play with him at recess.  We talked a little about interests, and his BFF is very sporty and prefers to play soccer or Basketball at recess.  Jaysen does not.  Jaysen would rather run around the playground, scaling the slide, pretending he's Mario, vanquishing Koopas and Goombas.  I suggested he approach a group of kids and ask them if he could join them.  As soon as those words left my mouth, that horrifying feeling of rejection came flooding back to me.  How many times as a kid, did I ask others if I could join them on the playground, only to be met with a "no"?  Ohmigawd, that sucked.  It forced me into a shell of insecurity and extreme diffidence, that I never really fully recovered from.  I tried to quickly lay out another option of finding a kid that also looks alone, and asking that kid to play.  He liked that idea too. 

Also?  He really likes viola.  He's doing pretty well in the class- except they keep losing his shoulder pad... but he just took a test on the parts of the viola, and he rocked it at home.  We'll see how he did in school under pressure.  Haha.  But really, it's been almost a month, and he hasn't even complained once about the viola.  Not even about carrying it to and from school.  Am impressed.  :)  Especially since I can't help him at all.  I was not an orchestra student and know nothing about any string instruments.  He liked to play with my old clarinet when I had it, so why did he choose the viola?  Because the person who demonstrated the viola, played the Mario Theme song on it.  Cheater.  That is such a bitch move to sucker kids into the viola.  It's brilliant.

In other news...
Jaysen has already made the announcement that today is the last day of September, which brings us to October, which means his birthday will be a mere 15 days away. 
Can't argue that excitement- this is a big one.  Double digits, baby! 
Okay, well that and he knows he's getting a Nintendo 3DS. 
Because I'm a sucker.
The 3DS does not get good reviews, but you cannot break the iron-clad will of my child once he has his heart/mind set to something.

The "unboxing"

 
BTW, this is his I like this, but I have no idea what the hell I'm doing face.

Is it a pillow, or a viola?  Hmmm....must investigate.

Oh hey!

 

Lots more to share later, munchkins!

Hi, My Name is Anonymous

I'd like to introduce my readers to someone. 
You may have encountered this jackalope in the comments section of my posts. 
Everyone say HI to Anonymous. 

Anonymous really isn't Anonymous at all.  He's my stalker. 
Not really a stalker like drives by my house and shit like that (at least not that I know of), but more like an annoying harasser. 

Despite the numerous times I have told him to leave me alone, he wouldn't.  I even stopped talking to him altogether over a year ago.  I mean zero contact.  Still harassing me.  Un-effing-real. 

And just like his mental instability...his quips range anywhere from "I love you and miss you" to "fuck off" to absolutely non-sensical.
Seriously.

I have gotten (spelling errors included for sake of showing stupidity):
-Wake the feck up and relize I am here
-Are you on a date?
-I ask for help and you replie that you're driving. Fuck off
-I love you and your red hair
-You lost some weight
-Free coffee day at McD's
To saying that my needing another surgery is karma, and I know how to right it. 

"Right" it???  What kind of delusion is that?
Pardon my confusion, but my going out with you will make me all better?  Or going out with you will make my cervix fall out?  Damn...I had no idea. 
And here I questioned your stability.  Wow.  Well fuck me.  I just assuuuumed, y'know...that with no steady job, your anger and addiction issues, that you were a disaster.
But now that I know you can solve all my problems...maybe I should be rethinking my options. 

Mr. Anon- you are delusional.  I.Do.Not.Want.To.Be.With.You. 
Ever.
In fact, let me list a few examples of things I would rather do than to be with you.

I would rather:
Eat a tarantula.
Stick darts in my eyeballs.
Go on national TV naked, singing Jesus Loves Me.
Rub a habanero pepper on my butthole.
Hump a gorilla.
Cut off my own feet.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm hoping you get the idea.
There was a time my heart went out to you.  I actually felt bad for you, and tried to be encouraging and supportive.  Then you went all ape-shit bezerker and flipped the fuck out.
That being said, I have been very patient with your antics.  I do not find them cute, amusing, or funny.  And although your fortitude is admirable, I am telling you one more time, leave me and my family the fuck alone.  You have nothing that we want any part of.  You are crazy and pathetic, and your barrage of insults mixed with endearing comments, is enough.  Stop.  Because I'm done being nice.

Cellar Door

Does it ever seem like crazy stuff only happens to you?  I hope so because I am really starting to think some Greater Being has it out for me or something, and I'd hate to go down alone.  I'm eyeballing you, Xenu. 

I mean seriously.  Let's just look at this for a minute.
My house burns down. here
I do a botch job at cutting my thumb off with a can lid. here
I have a uterine ablation that had no success. here
I have a hysterectomy. here
I get parvo. here
My son needs surgery. here
I demand that my son stay in the school that he is currently in with his friends, only to find the new assistant principal is the old principal from the shitty-school-that-shall-not-be-named. (more on this later)
and oh yeah, I need another hysterectomy. 

Yeah, see...the funny thing about me, is if there's ever "a very small percentage..." just accept and expect that I'm in that minute insignificant group of people that bizarre things happen to. 

Because seriously who has two hysterectomies?  Oh right, people who are me.  It makes perfect sense now.   

It's like a movie.  Hysterectomy Part Deux: This time, it's cervical.

I'm pretty sure this is how wormholes are created.
If you meet your parallel self and you're way cooler than your real self- you're welcome.

Ready...set...

I have so much updating I need to do- not to mention my blog was hijacked and I couldn't get in...it's a little overwhelming, but I promise I will get there.  Pinky Swear.
But first-
You all know what today is, right?

Did you really think Jaysen was going to start 5th grade without my annual
First Day of School Freakout?!?
Hahaha....no...you know me better than that!
I am realizing, though, that The Freakouts are happening for a shorter period of time, so that's improvement...

We met the Resource Room teacher and he seems Awesome.  I'm very excited that he remembered Jaysen from ESY, and said they worked well together.  He also is kind of "tech-y", and is willing to help and encourage Jaysen's interest with basic computer-stuffs.  Double bonus there.  His Super-Awesome Resource Room teacher from The Awesome School is now his guidance counselor, so we also have that going for us.  It really looks like his year is going to start off with the right supports.  There's a couple of craperiffic things going on this year too, such as the horrible principal from the Bad School is now his assistant principal, and his parapro seems kind of clueless, but I'm hoping neither of those will be issues this year.  Om...

Jaysen was totally excited to start school today.
This is pretty huge, since for one, said child is getting bigger, with all new "big kid" responsibilities, such as *ahem* deodorant usage and the like, but also changes in our district, have now made him an "upper elementary" student.  Ooh-la-la!  This means a total change. 
New school, new teachers, new schedules, new kids, new curriculum, and holy shit LOCKERS....it's just a whole buncha NEW.  We don't usually do Teh New.  But Jaysen was excited, and that's always a bonus.  Except this year he didn't make me wait for the bus 45 minutes early.  Yay!


Here's what I think helped his new routine:

       

Awesome idea:  Morning routine written on mirror with a dry erase marker.  This way, he checks off the steps that need to be carried out to make a new morning routine. 

Smooooth, like buttah.                                 

Really, Mom....the camera?  I'm just brushing my hair. 

Give it a rest, yo.

Ta-da!  All ready for the First Day of School!  Yes, I tucked in the offending pockets. 

Also, need to work on the striking a pose.  Lookout Village People.

And here's what I think helped me:

Cheers.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

I can has red hairz?

And so I got *that* workin' for me... Lol.

Come here often?

It's been way too long since I've posted, but we've been having some slightly bizarre illness happening here.  Very high fevers and random barfing.  No other complaints, just hot n barfy. 
Anyway..
Jaysen's surgery went very well.  Thank you all for your well wishes!The procedure was a bit more involved than originally anticipated, but the surgeon was able to complete it without complication. 

Jaysen was really nervous- and by nervous, I mean he was scared out of his everlovin' mind...but once in the room, they did a good job of relaxing him (read: drugs), and it was over in a jiffy.

Going..........

........and gone.

So freakin' cute.
Recovery on the other hand....notsomuch.
Apparently, my lil guy doesn't come out of anesthesia too well.  He was really crotchety, and in a significant amount of pain.  They gave him half a vicodin, and it wasn't long before I was pushing for them to give him the other half.  The nurse was from the school of start small and increase doseage only if absolutely necessary.  Mama has had a few surgeries in the not so distant past, and is from the school of the patient should be KTFO (knocked the fuck out) the day of and the day following surgery.  Then, painkillers should be administered as necessary.



KTFO.



Add in a reaction to one of the medications and some unexplained chronic barfing....it was a rough few days there. 

New belly button under construction:

The kid is tough.

Blondie was onto something...

I have to interrupt this surgery recovery to bring you a veloci-RAPTURE post. 
Mainly because I have not gotten to transfer my pictures from my phone to my computer yet.

Okay, so if any of you happen to get Swept Up In Glory this evening, I will miss you.
You should have a Rapture party. 
All you need is some Heathens, some Virtuous Ones, and some eats and drinks. 
Oh and music.  In the event of a Rapture party, I put together an End of The World playlist. 
Cuz I care about you like that.
And I have a child recovering from surgery, so I can't get all Rapture-riffic myself.  Boo.

Here is my gift to you, a Rapture playlist:

Nothing is Keeping You Here - A-ha
Apocalyptic Sunshine - Acid Bath
Now I'm Feeling Zombified - Alien Sex Fiend
Jesus Chrysler Suicide - Anaconda's Child
Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
We've Got a Bigger Problem Now - Dead Kennedys
Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode
Can't Go Back - Descendents
Reality Check - Genitorturers
She Floated Away - Husker Du
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked - Ida Maria
Risen - KMFDM
Wheel in the Sky - Journey
Bring the Pain - Mindless Self Indulgence
This is Your Last Chance to be Famous My Love - The Mint Chicks
That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate - Mission of Burma
Disappointed - Morrissey
99 Luftballons - Nena
Jesus Doesn't Want Me for a Sunbeam - Nirvana
Oh Lately it's so Quiet - OK Go
Another Girl, Another Planet - The Only Ones
So Stark - Pavement
Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
A Million Miles Away - The Plimsouls
Monkey Gone to Heaven - Pixies
Countdown to Armageddon - Public Enemy
You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby - The Smiths
Here I Am (Come and Take Me) - UB40
I've Been Waitin' for Tomorrow - The The
The End of the World as We Know It - REM

Enjoy.
And tether your asses down, 'cuz I really will miss you.
Haha....who am I kidding...you guys ain't goin' nowhere...
*muah*