Monday, September 26, 2011

Hi, My Name is Anonymous

I'd like to introduce my readers to someone. 
You may have encountered this jackalope in the comments section of my posts. 
Everyone say HI to Anonymous. 

Anonymous really isn't Anonymous at all.  He's my stalker. 
Not really a stalker like drives by my house and shit like that (at least not that I know of), but more like an annoying harasser. 

Despite the numerous times I have told him to leave me alone, he wouldn't.  I even stopped talking to him altogether over a year ago.  I mean zero contact.  Still harassing me.  Un-effing-real. 

And just like his mental instability...his quips range anywhere from "I love you and miss you" to "fuck off" to absolutely non-sensical.

I have gotten (spelling errors included for sake of showing stupidity):
-Wake the feck up and relize I am here
-Are you on a date?
-I ask for help and you replie that you're driving. Fuck off
-I love you and your red hair
-You lost some weight
-Free coffee day at McD's
To saying that my needing another surgery is karma, and I know how to right it. 

"Right" it???  What kind of delusion is that?
Pardon my confusion, but my going out with you will make me all better?  Or going out with you will make my cervix fall out?  Damn...I had no idea. 
And here I questioned your stability.  Wow.  Well fuck me.  I just assuuuumed, y'know...that with no steady job, your anger and addiction issues, that you were a disaster.
But now that I know you can solve all my problems...maybe I should be rethinking my options. 

Mr. Anon- you are delusional.  I.Do.Not.Want.To.Be.With.You. 
In fact, let me list a few examples of things I would rather do than to be with you.

I would rather:
Eat a tarantula.
Stick darts in my eyeballs.
Go on national TV naked, singing Jesus Loves Me.
Rub a habanero pepper on my butthole.
Hump a gorilla.
Cut off my own feet.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm hoping you get the idea.
There was a time my heart went out to you.  I actually felt bad for you, and tried to be encouraging and supportive.  Then you went all ape-shit bezerker and flipped the fuck out.
That being said, I have been very patient with your antics.  I do not find them cute, amusing, or funny.  And although your fortitude is admirable, I am telling you one more time, leave me and my family the fuck alone.  You have nothing that we want any part of.  You are crazy and pathetic, and your barrage of insults mixed with endearing comments, is enough.  Stop.  Because I'm done being nice.

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