Monday, August 13, 2007

Argument DuJour.

Companion and I were having a discussion late last night. We've been having difficulty in our relationship lately, and I think we're finally getting to the core areas of concern.

Companion made it clear to me that one of the major problems is Jaysen. I was all ears. He wants to be a "normal" couple, going out and doing the things his married friends do, but says he's been in denial, and is coming to realize that it's just not realistic for us, and he'll just have to accept that we're not a "normal" household. I have to admit that I was a bit peeved. What is normal? I think I have a very normal household thankyouverymuch. It may not be typical, but it is definitely normal.

Companion noted that our house is like the "Autism Channel- it's Autism 24/7". Hmmm. Careful there... Jaysen can't turn the Autism on and off, why should we be able to? He doesn't have Autism part-time. He is Autism, and Autism is he. He can't separate it, and neither can I. I deal with my whole child during the day, not just bits and pieces of him.

I told him that things would be different, if it were Rylan who was Autistic, that he would be all up in it- researching, learning, finding ways to connect, and the best parenting methods for him, and be involved. He agreed. Yes, it was a bold statement to own up to, and I'm glad he did, but how does he think that makes me feel as a mom? I'm sorry I have another child! I'm sorry my child has a disability! I'm sorry his Autism is an inconvenience for you! I'm sorry! Right.

He wants to be a good dad to Rylan, and a good "whatever he is" to Jaysen. I asked him what does he think he is to Jaysen? He said maybe someone to pass the time until mom gets home. So- I asked what he wanted to be to Jaysen. His answer? "Some kind of authority figure". Yeah, that's gonna fly. But I knew that one was coming. The only thing I could say was "well, maybe that's the problem". Jaysen says he has two dads. He says Companion is his "Big Dad". Companion absolutely will not (cannot?) consider Jaysen a son, or even "son-type". He has to understand that there are two children in this house, and both of them deserve the same amount of respect and love. Both of them.

I knew Companion has felt this way because of his actions and his family dynamics. Maybe it's a good thing that he was actually able to vocalize it though. He's got to come to terms with himself. He has choices to make, and if he doesn't put forth an effort, I can only assume that Jaysen and I aren't worth the effort. I need to be in a relationship that is positive for myself and my children. If he can't handle it- maybe it's just best to move on.

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