Thursday, October 23, 2008


Sorry I haven't been around much lately- I am still popping in on you all when I am able, I just can't seem to be able to collect my thoughts enough to post, or the time to be able to do it.

I feel like things are exploding again.

I am in overdrive at work.
I am in overdrive at home.

Jaysen is not doing well,
which means neither am I.

I promise I will post details when I am able.

*Update* To clarify, I have not reached 'point break'. Jaysen has been having hella difficulty with it seems like everything lately. He's back to having some significant behavior issues, problems at school, defiance, self abuse, etc. Nobody seems to be able to assist me in finding out what the heck is going on- but everybody seems to have answers. He needs ABA, he needs more meds, he needs a good ass beating, he needs more freakin does not end.

There are some legit thoughts in there (particularly exploring the ass beating?), but then people want to know when you followed up on their suggestion. Oh? You haven't yet? But this is imporrrrrrtant! Money is not an issue when it comes to loving your child. Don't you want to help him? When you care enough about your child, you'll do it. You could take FMLA leave. Erp?

So, I'm trying to concentrate on Jaysen's behavior lately, and trying to add, tweak, and enforce some "new rules" and such. It's not going over very well, but they're still new.

Advice appreciated from moms of volatile kids!


StatMom said...

Sorry to hear you're so stressed out. Hang in there, I know it isn't always easy, but the good days always come eventually. I live for them!

Mama Mara said...

As a friend of mine reminds me all the time, be sure to put your metaphorical oxygen mask on first! If you don't take care of yourself, there's no way you can take care of Jaysen. Don't worry about us; we'll wait patiently for your return and send good thoughts in the meantime.

Casdok said...


Barbara said...

Need a healin', Honey?

Sending good thoughts, which I call prayer.

Ashley's Mom said...

I have two volatile kids - but they are volatile for different reasons.

Ashley's behaviors seem to emerge when communication dwindles. She needs someone who signs. If school doesn't provide that, then the behaviors much like you described begin to surface. The solution is easy for her - provide communication in the format she requires. Of course, that is a constant battle with the school.

My other daughter, Jessica, is almost 18 years old. I adopted her at age 9, and her behaviors have been very dangerous, to put it mildly. She is diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, common in older adopted children. Even after almost 9 years of tons of supports and therapies, the behaviors haven't improved. I have just learned to remove myself and the other kids when she begins to rage. She has tried all sorts of medication, and some work for a while. It's a really tough situation for everyone - home, school, after school, etc.

I wish I had some magic advice for you, but I don't. If I had to say anything, it would be to follow your gut. Listen politely to what others say, and then process it all with your knowledge, your heart, and in your situation to come up with what will work for Jaysen and for you.

Good luck, and please keep me posted. If you want to share specific behaviors, I might have more specific advice. I have been successful in solving a few issues for my oldest daughter.


Marla said...

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear this. And I think the last I read things were going so well. I know with M it could be anything and it can be like finding a needle in a haystack to figure it out.

Typically when M gets aggressive she is trying to communicate something to me that she can't quite get out. Or it is at a difficult transition time. Or lastly, she needs a medication tweak.

Seems it takes a few days or weeks to figure it all out before being able to do the med tweak. No easy answers, I know.

I hope the school is handling things well this year.


Tanya @ Teenautism said...

So sorry to hear things are rough right now. It's hard to figure out what to do during those times. I always found with Nigel that if things weren't going well at school, then it affected his behavior at home. And the school component is always so difficult to change, especially when things seemed to have started off so positive. I hope you're able to work through it soon. Take care.

J said...

Hang in there. It takes awhile to figure out all the triggers for meltdowns and to solve various issues. Us moms of volatile kids are like detectives when it comes to behavioral problems. Some strageties work beautifully while others fail miserably. It depends on the child and the parenting style of the parent.It also helps when the school staff are supportive. Sometimes the child grows out of some behaviors like mine did (ages 5-8 were really difficult for us), but then again it depends on the individual.

kia (good enough mama) said...

My advice would be to curl up in the fetal position in a corner and weep like a small child. You don't want advice from me. And I promise not to give it.

Sometimes our _______ (insert label here - i.e. difficult, asd, special needs, etc)kids just go through rough spots. When this happens, I think that what we can do is just hold on and try to get through it. SOmetimes it just doesn't matter WHAT we, as parents, do.

"When you care enough about your child..." ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!! Someone had the nerve to say that to you?

I'm so sorry you're in a rough place right now. I'm sending virtual hugs and hoping you find some real-life people who can be a real support for you. Hang in there, friend...

Osh said...

Believe it or not, I started to write what Kia wrote...and I agree with the statement that if school isn't going well then home is going worse. In our experience it was from 3rd grade through 7th that were all nine layers of hell. Only then did I start to see a change in both of us (total removal from the public school into alternative placement) with teachers that UNDERSTOOD, Evan calmed down, I calmed down and slowly things have reached a point at 14 where I can say they are stable.

It saddens me that so many parents have to go through this, and I know you have a great support with the blogger community.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I hate, hate, hate, hate the expectations placed on special needs moms -- moms in general, but moms of special needs kids especially.

I hate that we're seen as not loving our children if we don't *literally* fall over dead, our bodies broken and bloody from expending every last ounce of our being to do whatever insane thing the world thinks is "important" or that it deems our children need. It's not about love. And it's funny that no one expects this same level of energy, devotion and sacrifice from dads.

Sorry, that touched on my pet peeve. No advice for you. Just that rant! ;)