Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Losing my religion

Or apparently is the concern of every mortal being I encounter lately.

Religion is like sales- which is why I generally avoid discussions centered around religious views, like the plague (no pun intended). Don't get me wrong- I actually like a good conversation about different religious views. I find it fascinating to hear people's different beliefs and customs. But there are also those people that once you get into a conversation, they will tell you the finer points of their religion, why they chose their path, and how your life would be so much better if you became a card-carrying member of their institiution as well.

Jenny McCarthy had the Mormons.

I have the Jehovas.

I absolutely mean no disrespect to any Jehova's Witnesses out there, but man- you people have endurance like the Energizer bunny!

Tonight is the third time I've been visited by this Jehova crew. Each time, the spokesperson for the group has been a young girl. When I say young, I'm talking no older than 12, and that's stretching it.

Why does she torment me so? Perhaps she is doing her godly duty? Okay, I can accept that. Or perhaps she knows she is cute, bordering on darling, and she knows that my motherly instincts cannot resist the forces of her cuteness- so I stand on the porch, listening to her tell me how Jehova is the way to go.

Tonight was no different, except Jaysen ran to the door to greet the unannounced visitor. He flings the door open to reveal the young girl, freckle-faced and smiling in her flowered dress, cross gleaming around her neck. He greets her with a "what again are you doing here"?

She opens her mouth to respond, but before she can get a word out, Jaysen quickly interrupts her with an "I fart".

Niiiice one, J.

I try to shove him inside the house, but he squirms past me since I have the door half open. Am I supposed to invite her in? I step outside- she tells me that she's stopped by several times, but hasn't been able to catch up with me. I think I now have a Jehova stalker.

So what do I do? Invite her back to chat on Saturday. Why? Because my life just needs a little more spice in it I guess. And by spice, I mean trying to figure out how to ditch this girl in all of her sweetness, and lie to her face about how I just got called for an emergency at a hospital I don't work at. Or something like that.

Why do I do this to myself?!?
I cannot deny the cute.


Bobbi said...

ROTFL! Way to go Jaysen!

Marla said...

We have a sign on our door that reads..

No Phone
No Solicitors
No Rides
No Preaching

It keeps them away just fine. We live right down town and for a while I was getting them all the time. Not to mention people asking for rides, money and to sell stuff. I thought I was going to crack up. Now, if they come to the door I point to the sign and then shut the door. Rude? Not when I am trying to keep our house as low stress as possible. Unknown visitors is the last thing M or I need.

kristi said...

UGH, we dealt with them all the time when we lived in town. And travelling salesmen.

Ashley's Mom said...

I, too, have had the JW folks stalk me - or at least it felt that way. I tried to be nice the first time they came by. Gave a little info about my family, etc. They specifically stopped because they saw the DEAF CHILD AREA street sign on both sides of our block, and I guess, just knocked on doors until they found the deaf child.

They kept coming back - I kept saying I was 'in the middle of something'. I got less pleasant with each visit. Finally I was saying "Look, I'm happy with the God that is already in my life - no more please." And still they came.

Finally one day they showed up, and my daughter's aide answered the door and said, "We don't want you here. Do not come back again." They said "we just want to offer support for this difficult life Mom must have with all these special needs children" Amy, in her inimitable way, said "Mom doesn't need support. She needs a plumber, and electrician and man who want wild and crazy sex. Can you offer any of that?". They backed quickly down the porch steps and haven't been back since :)

Megs said...

We have the BEST solution, I never answer the door but when someone else does I usually send my 2 yr old daughter right behind. She is a nudist, and it makes any religious representitive uncomfortable and unable to deliver their message. Then she flirts on top of it, brutal. They never come back to my house of chaos!

Casdok said...

Oh dear! Good luck!!

Mom26children said...

Oh My Goodness,
I have Jehovah stalkers too...I even see my friends when I grocery shop.
I feel "blessed" wherever I go.

Shannon said...

Aren't kids great! :)

I live in the country and they migrate out here too. But...If you have neighbors like mine then you join the Jehovah tree. Once they visit the first person they see which way they go then they call the next neighbor and so on and so on. When I get my call we all go and hide.

Now if hubby is home he likes to dissect their religion. He will ask them tons of questions. It's usually a young person and they don't have all of his answers. They will stutter and give an excuse to go to the next house. Next on the tree..

(sorry for the long comment)