Thursday, October 11, 2007

Out of my mind

After an arduous evening (longest 2 and a half hours of my day), Jaysen and I read a book, then lay down to go to sleep. That's when I heard it.

Smack-smack-smack. What the heck is he doing?

Smack-smack-smack. I prop myself up so I can see Jaysen's face. Smack-smack-smack-smack. He's smacking his lips. Did he not rinse good enough after we brushed? Is he thirsty? The smacking continues.

"Jaysen, do you want some water?"


Smack-smack-smack. Now I am noticing that the smacking is accompanied by a new mouth-movement. This movement is like he's getting ready to say something, then his mouth closes.

Open-close. Open-close. Open-close. Smack-smack-smack.

Shit- could this be the TD returning? It can't, can it? There's been no med increase, and he's even refused it on occasion.

Jaysen's always had some sort of tic (for lack of a more appropriate word), lasting from a few days, to weeks- But they've always been temporary. I first noticed them around age 3. First it was this eye thing. He would blink his eyes very deliberately in patterns. Then it was a breathing thing where he would shoot out air from his nose as if trying to get something out of there. Honestly, they didn't concern me because I knew why he was doing them. I couldn't explain why, but I knew...because I do those same things.

This is different (or is it?). This is something that bothers Jaysen, he is aware he is doing it, but not in control of it. There is a semi-control with my OCD's. I know I am doing them, yet I can't stop myself from doing them. However, I have trained myself to do them in a way that is unnoticeable to others. They're right out there for everyone to see, but I've adapted them so no one will.

Are these mouth movements something similar to that? Are they a temporary thing? Are they actually Tardive Dyskinesia? How do you know? How can you know?

An example is the fish-face. He is still making the fish-face, just not as frequently. He's been off of the Risperdal for long enough that it shouldn't be affecting him like that, so is the fish-face just a temporary tic that's hanging aroung too long for my liking- or was it really a side effect of the med? Is it something to be concerned about?

It's something that I feel I need to be sure of. I need to know for sure because this affects his meds, which in turn affects his anxiety, which in turn affects his aggression. He has an appointment with the psychiatrist in a few days, so I hope she'll know what the deal is. 'Cuz I sure don't anymore.


Jodi said...

I can totally relate to so many questions and so little answers. We are weaning my son off Risperdal right now. I can't wait to see how he does.

Casdok said...

Yes so many questions, hope you get some answers.