Birthday time again

As Jaysen's sixth birthday quickly approaches (gulp), I thought some "birthday etiquette" from Jaysen may be in order.

Birthdays, Jaysen Style: How to enjoy yourself at my party.

Don't be offended if I hide when you show up. It probably means I'm happy that you're here.

Don't be offended if I run up to the next person that shows up and shower them with hellos and affections. I probably don't know what else to do.

If I protest loudly when your kid shows up, it's okay. We probably don't like each other- he probably picks on me, and I probably annoy the crap out of him. Get over it. Mom said I had to invite the whole class.

Don't expect me to pose for a hundred pictures. You can stop with that "look, there's a bird on my head" crap, it just pisses me off.

When it's time for cake, you may try to sing "Happy Birthday"- however, if I start to get upset, please stop immediately. Do not continue just because it's a birthday party and that's what you do. I don't. It's my birthday, and if I want you to shove the song up your a**, I'm entitled. (Hey, I may even wish for it).

I would like videotapes. I will open presents depending on the probability of it being a tape. I will probably be upset if it is not a tape, and may even throw the item at the giver. Don't be hurt or offended, I really thought it was a tape.

Above scenario will continue until:
~desired tape is found, upon which no other presents will be opened, and my attention will be expressly devoted to my new acquisition.
-OR-
~the last present is unwrapped. If desired tape is not within pile of discarded presents- party's over, you may as well go home, 'cuz that's where I'm going.

Don't be sad that you didn't know what the desired object was...nobody does. It's a secret. Not even Mom knows. Heck, I may not even know until that day.

DVD's run a close second to tapes. I like them too.

If I am getting anxious, don't crowd me and ask me a bazillion questions on how you can help. I don't know! If I knew, I would do it! Just leave me alone and let Mom take care of it. It will be okay.

Despite everything else, I will have a great time at my party, and I hope you will too! Thank you for coming, and if you feel the desire to send me a tape in the mail to redeem your crappy present of a Tonka truck...feel free.

Thank you, I will have a Happy Birthday.