Still freaking out...

The psychiatrist pulled Jaysen totally off of the Risperdal. Although he could tolerate the lower dose, she is thinking long term, that when he needed the next increase, the TD would come back. Erring on the side of caution is why I like this lady.

She wants to try Seroquel in about a week, to be sure the effects of the Risperdal are out of his system.

Researching any drug is scary...Seroquel apparently has a sedative effect that's pretty powerful. I voiced my concern that Jaysen would be "zombified", and reduced to a shell of a kid, drooling on himself. She agreed that that may in fact happen (though not to the extent that I described), and if it did, we could try Abilify.

That's when the knots in my stomach became tighter. I realize that medication management is quite a bit of "trial and error" to get the levels right, to make sure the system is able to handle the medication itself, and to see if the medicine is actually helping the child benefit. I don't want my child to be a guinea pig. I don't want to "try this one" and "try that one", while screwing up his system along the way.

The truth is...Jaysen responded well to the Risperdal. He made such awesome gains, and most importantly- he was able to enjoy being a kid again. His anxiety was down, he was able to stop and think about things, and was receptive to communicating expressively and receptively. He laughed, he made jokes, and he was in control. He was living life, and having fun doing it. I wouldn't know how to react if he stopped enjoying himself like that.

I'm feeling very lost right now, and very scared.