To ESY or not to ESY.

*sigh* I originally decided not to send Jaysen to ESY this summer. I just thought it's too much too soon- he doesn't want to go anyway...he's so clingy... and as usual, I start second guessing myself.

So, I undecided, then redecided, undecided, and re-redecided... anyway, he's going.
I think he needs the routine of things, the structure, and the socialization. Not to mention that his ESY teacher is supposed to be his awesomely fantastical Sp.Ed teacher from last year. Yay!

Anyway- just a quickie before bed.
Not THAT kind of quickie... pervs.

And yes, I have a computer again.
You're so lucky. Haha.

Miscellaneous ramblings.

I know people are probably getting sick of "the fire"... tough crap- deal with it.
First off- not having a computer at home really sucks.

On to my friends. I've done some "soul searching" about friends in the past-
I had friends- one could say a lot of friends.

Special needs parents know all too well, that once you have a special needs child, those "friends" seem to drop off the face of the earth.

All of the sudden, we're all too busy, their kids don't want to play with "boy toys", there just isn't time, you argue about your child (but never theirs), the phone stops ringing... Next thing you know, you used to have this friend...

I'm realizing the same kind of thing goes on in a real crisis.
I have friends. Actually more than I knew I did.
I'm actually amazed at the support of my community, my work, people who were in my life long ago, people who recently came into my life, and you all, my blog friends.

I'm also amazed at the few who are my very close friends, who seemed to have forgotten about us. I spoke to one of my closest friends the day of the fire, and haven't heard from them since. Not even a call to see how the kids are coping. Another friend heard what happened, sent me a text that they would call me that night. Still haven't heard from them, despite my reaching out.
These aren't just casual people in my life, but people I talked to on a daily basis.
It's just strange. And I don't quite know what to think of it.

The kids.
The kids are driving. me. crazy.
Constant fighting. It's like they don't know what to do without cable TV, so hey- let's try to kill each other! We can watch Mom's hair turn grey right before our eyes- it'll be like magic.

Rylan is thankfully sleeping better at night- not crying out "No! No! No!" anymore.
He talks about the firetrucks, the firemen, and the scary fire. He seems to be hitting the "terrible twos" at this very moment as well. I don't know if the two connect or not.

Jaysen has got me a little concerned. I expected a little regression- he wants me to sleep with him again, moments where he spaces out, a lot more talking to himself, has to be up my ass 99% of the time. But he also seems to have regressed in language as well. Yesterday, he wanted some cereal. He was able to ask me for the cereal, but couldn't recall what to put it in. I watched as he asked me what it was called, this thing, as he cupped his hands and mimed eating from a bowl. He just couldn't say "bowl". It's happened on several occasions, where he forgets a word that is very familiar with. And like I said, he's spacing out a lot more too.

I've tried talking with him, about the fire, and how he feels- I've gotten some thoughts out of him, but mostly I'm trying to reassure him that he's safe, and things are going to be okay.

The landlord.
Actually, the landlord's father.
This guy is really nice. He wants to invite us over for dinner?
And...
He's a landscaper, so he set our sprinkler system to turn on every other day (water prices just jacked up in my city). He insists on mowing the lawn (at $30 a pop) every week. He comes over every day to check on the landscaping. He landscaped on Friday for 8 hours! He watered the lawn yesterday (even though it was an "off" day). Twice. And it rained! Jaysen calls him Bill, even though we don't know his name (but it's not Bill).
"Bill" is obsessed. He needs help.
He also doesn't speak much English, so I don't know how to ask him to chill out.

Could someone tell me how to say in Korean, "Dude... seriously? You have lawn-obsession. I love the cute orbs you shape the bushes into, but is it really worth the 7 hours you put into it? You do this every week? For reals- please chill. It's kinda freaky looking out the window as I'm doing dishes, and see you out there. Again. For the third time in a day. I'm sure you rock as a landscaper, but I'm trying to get my family back together here. They may think of you as a grandpa if you hang around this much. My oldest son has already named you. Also? Lawn does not need to be watered that much. Please stop coming over to water it. That's why you set the timer on the sprinkler system. I know you only live a street away, and we think you're very nice and cute in your little cowboy hat and gaudy sunglasses, but in the words of EPMD, you gots to chill..." that would be awesome.

Calling in a favor...

I am so humbled.
Many of you have inquired about various ways to help me and my family.
I appreciate everyone who has helped, who wants to help, and who will help in the future.
I appreciate everything, even the kind words and thoughts.

I am uncomfortable asking for donations, but I should put it out there that Kev has mentioned our story and has set up a PayPal account for us. (follow link, or see widget at bottom of page) Thank you, Kev.

That being said, I have absolutely no qualms about soliciting other things from you all. :)

You may or may not have picked up on the fact that I am a huge music buff.
I love music. Music makes me happy. Music motivates me.
I had a music collection many would envy. Possibly even you.

Alas, my collection is no more, so here is my favor that I am asking...

Anyone who would like to help my sanity, please feel free to make me a CD (or two, or three, or a bazillion), and send to moi at:

28858 Creek Bend Dr.

Farmington Hills, MI 48331

The CD's can be of anything that you like, that you think I would like, or even things that you don't like- 'cuz chances are I will.

I realize that won't be enough guidance for some, and you will want to know what types of music I listen to... you difficult people...

Quite the eclectic taste musically, so follow along my little ones...

Anything 80's/ Sisters of Mercy/ Switchblade Symphony/ Public Image Limited/ Matthew Sweet/ Billy Bragg/ the Church/ Janes Addiction/ New Order/ CVB/ Concrete Blonde/ Kitchens of Distinction/ Peter Murphy/ Nena/ Echo & the Bunnymen/ TMBG/ Genitorturers/ Siouxsie & the Banshees/ the Cars/ David Bowie/ Depeche Mode/ Velvet Underground/ Sloan/ Pet Shop Boys/ Plimsouls/ Stone Roses/ Psychedelic Furs/ Duran Duran/ the Smiths/ Morrissey/ Husker Du/ Sugar/ Bjork/ AC/DC/ Mindless Self Indulgence/ Bauhaus/ the Vandals/ Parasites/ Descendants/ old Ministry/ Dead Kennedys/ Slick Rick/ George Clinton/ Eazy-E/ NWA/ Public Enemy/ Mix-a-Lot/ Luke/ MC Chris/ Steel Pulse/ Black Eyed Peas/ the Rakes/ the Cure/ Plastiscene/ Aztec Camera/ Adam Ant/ Arcade Fire/ PWEI/ David Bowie/ BIF Naked/ Yo la Tengo/ Fingers eleven/ Gorillaz/ the Charlatans/ Chameleons and yes...Journey.

Just a sampling y'know.

Many thanks go out to you.
I love, love, love, each and every one of you. Oh yes, like that.

If you are not so musically inclined, there is also Kev's way.

Let it be known there is also an APB out for Baby Einstein and So Smart videos. You all know how much Jaysen loved his tapes- he is still pining for them (even though we have been able to replace some of them). He is especially upset about losing "Red Baby Mozart". Red Baby Mozart is the Baby Mozart VHS that has a white sticker on the tape casing, and Baby Mozart is written in red writing. It was Jaysen's first video, so it holds special meaning to him.
If anyone is able to locate this, please send it our way. He (and I) will be eternally grateful!

Thank you, and I'll continue to update.

This too, shall pass.

Saturday, June 13, 2009 2:30am.

He smells smoke.

Companion bolts out of bed only to come running back screaming "Fire! Get the kids!"

I jump out of bed.

We collide in the doorway.

Jaysen's room is right across the hall.

I am at his bed in a half a heartbeat.

"Jaysen! Get up! Jaysen!" as I shake him vigourously.

He sleeps.

In Rylan's room in another half a heartbeat.

Rylan's still small enough- I whisk him up and throw him over my left arm.

Bolt into Jaysen's room again.

Still asleep.

"Jaysen! Jaysen!" my attempt at arousal is vigorous, approaching the verge of almost violent.

"Jaysen! Get up!"

I loop my arm under his, and grip him around the shoulder.

I whip him out of bed and onto the hardwood floor.

He's up.

Rylan still over my arm, Jaysen in my grip by the arm, I run.

Down the hall, around the corner-

I can feel the heat as we enter the living room.

Front door.

I don't remember our approach to the door, or even opening it for that matter.

I just know that we're outside.

Still running, we don't stop until we're at the street.

I turn around and Companion has joined us.

We're safe. All of us.

Tiki...

Companion rushes back to the house and props the door open in hopes our family cat will make a break for it.

I'm in shock.

I am helpless as my field of vision is filled with fire.

Ohmigod. That's my house.

There's a fire in my house.

My house is on fire.

No matter how many times, or different ways I say it, I am still in disbelief.

Rylan is shaking.

He is looking at the fire crying "turn it off! Turn it off! Want go back to bed!"

I calmly tell him the firemen will come and turn it off.

Jaysen is frightened. "My tapes!"

Although he is frozen in shock and fear, he knows we can't retrieve his most beloved posessions.

What is taking the fire department so long?

Neighbors start to emerge from their houses. I cannot see them, but I am surrounded by arms of concerned people, asking me things I can't quite comprehend yet.

Yes, everyone make it out. Yes, my parents are on their way to get the kids. Yes, we called 911. Twice. No, I don't know where the fucking fire department is. Oh. you called too? So did you?

Where is the effing fire department???

The blaze quickly spreads throughout the house. It starts to lap at our cars parked in the driveway.

In a matter of seconds, I can hear popping. Windows. A bigger pop. Windshield. More popping. Tires. Until there was a boom. My car. Ohmigod, that was my car that just exploded.

Companion's car is attacked next. It is not spared.

Firetrucks flood the street. Finally.

A neighbor comments it took over 15 minutes for them to get there.

We watch as the teams attempt to quench the flames.

It doesn't seem to be working.

The fire inspector has questions. Lots and lots of questions.

They found our cat, Tiki. He didn't survive.

My knees buckle.

They can't get the fire out because there are three roofs.

Three roofs?

Apparently, before I bought the house, in an effort to make the roof uniform, they re-shingled over the whole roof each time they added on an addition. Garage was the first addition, then the sun room. Add that to the original house, and you have three layers.

Three layers which trapped the fire and created smoldering embers that kept restarting.

The trapped fire tears through the attic and collapses the ceiling.

Approximately fourteen hours later, the fire is out.

My car-

View of my greenhouse from the garage-

Kitchen- note my beloved coffee pot on the left *sniff*

Living room

Our Tiki...

We love you and miss you very much.

Devistation

Is where I am.

To say I'm overwhelmed is an absolute understatement.

My house burned down today.

Yes, I'm serious.

We're fine- everyone made it out safe.

But our cat did not make it.

I don't really even know what to write at the moment, other than my heart is breaking.

You think you're prepared for such things, "if ever there's a fire, I'm grabbing this, this, and this,"

Not so.

We have our pajamas.

I grabbed kids and ran like hell.

On top of that, Companion's car was engulfed in flames.

My car literally exploded.

Homeless and carless all in one night.

We are currently at my parent's.

I will update when possible.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Unreasonable fears.

Last night at bedtime, Jaysen insisted that he wanted to sleep in his jeans.
After much goading, he finally told me why.

"Don't take my pants off because ladybugs will crawl in my butt!"

Ladybugs.
Seriously? Ladybugs???

Erp?

Lessons to learn with Mario.

Amazing.

Jaysen was playing Super Paper Mario (because I let my kids rot their brains on things like video games and television...), and he announces, "This is a platform game".

I wasn't going to correct anything, but then I thought I'd better mention something just in case his statement later led to a google search of platform games...

"Actually, Jaysen, Paper Mario is a role-playing game. It's called an RPG (nerd)."

"But Mario is a platform game?"
"Yes, regular Mario is a platform game (and its 5000 varieties). Paper Mario is an RPG."
"What?"
"An RPG. Role-Playing Game. It's when you have to walk around, talk to people, read signs... it's interactive."
"What?"
"RPG is interactive. You do things."
"What?"
*sigh* and pause - (why do I even try if he isn't listening?) "A..."
"Can you say it again... more slower?"
"...?..."

He was listening.
And what an awesome job self-advocating.

Am proud.