Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Aww nuts.

Ah. Sensory Dysfunction.

If you don't have a child with food aversions- serious food aversions, not just picky, you really can't understand. I wish I had a picky eater. I have a seriously neophobic problem eater. And no, he won't just eat if he is hungry enough.

The best way I can describe it is if you were given a plate of pufferfish which has been encrusted with a beautiful blend of glass shards and rat poison, atop a lovely glaze of cyanide, and infused with arsenic imported from France. Would you eat it? What if your bestest friend told you you would be fine? What about your mom? Surely your own mother would not wish you harm, and she says it's okay... she only wants you to try a bite, but it's loaded with things that can maim and kill you!

Chances are, you aren't going to even take a bite. And if you do take one bite, chances are you're going to have some pretty high anxieties about it. And you probably, most certainly, would become combative if someone tried to force you to eat it.

This is kind of how many of these children view unfamiliar foods.

That being said-
We attended my uncle's 70th birthday party over the weekend. Jaysen did well because he was absorbed in his computer game. We weren't going to be there a long time, so I didn't figure we needed to bring a cache of food with us. I was probably wrong. He did say he wanted a brownie, and I was actually shocked that he ate it, since it was a homemade one.

Side thought: You can tell a neophobe's parent when they are begging their child to eat junk food... Haha.

For the record, I also had to put some grapes on his plate, apparently for show since I knew they would go untouched. So he had 2 brownies, and was jockeying for a 3rd. I told him he would have to eat some grapes first. I also noticed someone had put 2 almonds on his plate.

Jaysen...eat an almond.
C'mon.... I dare you. Just one.
I'll give you $20.
I'll give you $100.
I'll....take you to Italy.
Mom! Noooo!
Okay, okay... eat one and I'll buy you a car.

By now, we have gathered a small crowd of people complete with commentary "I'll eat an almond for $20", etc. Shut up, feckerheads. Let me irritate my son my own special way.
I digress.

If you eat one almond, I'll give you $50.
You don't have $50. Show it to me.
*Upon this statement, as if on cue, my father opens up his wallet and flashes a fifty dollar bill*
Jaysen hesitates, but then popped an almond into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed!

I owe my child $50.
For eating one almond.

Sure, he choked and gagged, almost barfed onto my aunt's coveted carpeting, but he did it! And I am rockin' proud of him. I am also proud he suckered me out of fifty bucks (higher level thinking skills!). Well actually, my dad's the one who had to cough up the dough. I think he's learned his lesson about putting his money where my mouth is. And I will totally pay you back, Peepa.

Of course, there were people who were appalled I just gave my son money for eating such a small morsel, but those of us who have truly problem eaters, can appreciate just how big this feat was.

Not to mention he totally called my bluff and shut me down.
Well played, Pooka.


Joeymom said...

That is totally worth $50. And if he eats another one, it will be priceless.

Anonymous said...


Corabelle said...

As a mother of a food adverse child myself, I say WTG MOM! so creative! I dont know how much money I would pay to have DD eat just one (ucky veggie) that I didint have to hide. Id pay $100 easy just to watch her force down a carrot stick. then again..$100 could buy alot of V8 juice...hmm...

mommy~dearest said...

Thank you! *bows*

I think several of the (ahem) older generation don't know how to comment, so I am posting my Dad's e-mail to me this morning.

Hi TR,

It is now 1:18am and I just sat down to read today's emails. I always read your blog first, including tonight's. YOU ROCK, girl and so does your almond-crunching son!

I do not know what transpired prior to my arrival on the scene, but I sort of just got to the "party" when I heard your "bribe."

I have no idea what made me reach in and pull out that $50, other than the fact that a student had JUST handed it to me not 10
minutes earlier! I just reacted!

Never did I expect Jaysen to say ok. Gobble,gobble where's da money! Talk about GaRUMP! I think we BOTH learned a lesson.....and so did Jaysen.

Keep that boy away from me please!!! 'Cept I loves him tooo much for that to happen.

Loves you and your "quirky" fam.

Modern Mom, Kelsi said...

Haaah! I love it! I can't wait until my four year old can understand that kind of a bribe. Ok, maybe I can because that would also include him growing up... but if I could pay him to get dressed without a texture freak out I'd pee my pants with excitement (or close to it). Definitely worth $50!
Thanks for the great laugh!!

((I just found your blog.. thanks for making every day life seem normal and enjoyable!!!))

Stephanie said...

Yes! An almond! I would love if my son an ate on almond--even a $50 almond!

That is quite an accomplishment!

(And I would have told them if you'd agree to eat an almond for $50 without having to be cajoled and begged, then you don't deserve $50 for eating an almond! :P)

Hartley said...

I've paid that much money for smaller things. And a WHOLE LOT LESS healthy things.

Good for you. Good for him.

Not so hot for Grandpa. :)



Lol this made me laugh out loud, "I'll eat an almond for $50 LOL
Grandpa will be hiding his wallet now lol