A spoonful of sugar.

Thank you all for your suggestions! Although none of them were successful (his aversions are just too strong), I truly appreciate the input.

Some other failures of mine were:

Coating the pill in Magic Shell. In hopes that when he put it in his mouth, the chocolate would start to melt and he would be ale to swallow it.

Cutting a slit in the back of a Gummy Bear and inserting the pill. Also in hopes it would just slide down.

Inserting the pill into a marshmallow. Same idea.

Luckily, he was able to keep down baby aspirin (most of the time). He could only handle one aspirin, which is not even a full dose, but at least it was something. Jaysen's fever broke that night, and he is back to his ol' self.

He's also been getting nosebleeds for a few months now-
I sent him back to school yesterday, and when I went to get in my car to go to work, his bus was in my driveway! My immediate thought was, "ohmigod...did I put him on the wrong bus?"

I ran out to the bus to find the aide trying to smother a child with kleenex. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the child in question was mine, and the aide was not trying to smother him, but rather trying to stop a bloody nose. It was bleeding pretty heavily, so they turned around and brought him back home. Free day out of school.

As Murphy's Law would have it, Jaysen is better, and Rylan is now sick. Same thing with the high fever, no other symptoms. Rylan will take meds to some degree (he can, he just doesn't want to) so I'm not tweaking about that just yet.

The most ironic part of this whole sickness episode? Jaysen telling Rylan to stop crying and take his medicine so his fever will get better. He's also encouraging Rylan to eat his chicken soup.

Um, yeah. Kettle? You're black.

Help wanted.

Jaysen's sick. Again.
People don't usually realize that your typical "sick" can be more concerning to a parent whose child has sensory issues- but a lot of you do.
Which is why I am seeking the expertise of my wise and beautiful peers.
Okay, and you too.

Here is my dilemma:
Jaysen has a fever of 103+.
He cannot take any medication- as soon as it's in his mouth, he gags, and throws up.
Because he takes his Risperdal hidden in his OJ every morning (shhhh) with little problem, I think it has something to do with the flavoring or sweetener they put in kids' OTC medication.

The reason doesn't really matter, since the issue is I Have To Get This Fever Down.

If anyone has any suggestions, PLEASE let me know! I am truly desperate. If there are any crazies who have drugged their significant other, I need to know how you did it. If you've had to give meds to a pet, I want details. If you have a child with Autism, your tips are golden. If you are a creative genius, I need your creativity. If you have worked for the government, I need your secrets. Now is the time for you lurkers to come out!

Here is what I have tried so far-

Liquid medicine (in syringe, in cup, in spoon).
Chewable medicine (whole, halved, and quartered).
Fastmelt tabs.
Fastmelt strips.
Caplets.
Different brands.
Different flavors.
Meds hidden in Jello.
Meds hidden in juice.
Meds hidden in a Gusher fruit snack.
Meds hidden in a muffin.
Bite of food, medicine, bite of food.
Stroking his throat to help meds (and keep vomit) down. (Yes, like an animal. I told you I was desperate.)
Compound pharmacies to see if they could make a topical or transdermal patch (nope).

-But-

Keep in mind my son will not eat-
Anything gooey (peanut butter, honey)
Gloppy (applesauce, yogurt, mashed potatoes)
Crunchy (veggies, most fruits, anything that particulates)
Textured (multigrain breads etc)
Ugly (too many ingredients like spaghetti sauce or soups)
Homemade (yeah, he kinda sucks like that)

The most difficult thing is that he tries! He tries so hard to get the meds down. Last night, he had a chewable in his hand and he gave himself a pep-talk "Okay. Let's do this. Let's do this. We're gonna do this. Let's DO IT!" Popped the pill in, went to chew, made "the face", out the pill came, and barf-o-rama ensued.

So please- go through my list of what I've tried already, again- and if you have anything (and I mean anything) that I am missing, please let me know! Currently, he is stripped down to his undies with a cold cloth on his head, drinking water. Poor guy.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can't believe that in one day, literally, I've managed to blow my whole tax return.
Not blow it on frivolous crap, but ohmigod-

$2,000 for having my house painted (3 bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom), and they're not even finished with the bedrooms.

$2,400 to pay off my car loan. Yay! But holy crap in an Easy Bake!

$1,500 for the attorney to set up trusts for the kids (more on that below).

$998 for car insurance.

And that's all she wrote.
Actually, that's all the government wrote. On my check.

Usually, I'm freakin' fanatical about my return, and use it to live off of throughout the year.
I'm so screwed.

Enough of my pity party- unless you brought presents...
So, these trusts.
Coolest things ever.

Rylan will have a regular trust.
He'll have opportunity for payout a percentage at age 30, another percentage at age 35, and the remaining percentage at age 40.
Actual percentages and ages to be determined and adjusted.

Jaysen will have a special needs trust.
His payout will be on an as needed basis- to be determined by the trustees (my sister and Companion).
The awesome part is that as long as the trustees keep a clear head about things and don't do anything bone-headed, he will still qualify for his SSI because any assets will be in the name of the trust, and not in his name.
Need a place to live? The trust buys it.
Need a car? The trust buys it.
Need your bills paid? The trust pays 'em.

The issue lies in funding the trusts.
Obviously, I don't have the scrilla to put anything into them, so they'll have to be funded through life insurance. And obviously, the better the life insurance plan is, the more scrilla you need for the premiums. Me not likey.

My plan is to see what my options are, and if I could use Jaysen's SSI right now, to pay premiums on the trust- I look at it as money that is not out of pocket for me, and it is to benefit him. But we'll have to see if a) I can do that, and b) what the options are. Who knows, it may not even be near enough, since his benefits have been on the lower side lately.

The attorney is also going to do a will, naming Companion as guardian, and my sister as guardian on-deck (or whatever the legal term for that would be). It is going to specifically state that it is my wish that the boys stay together, under one roof, and that Ex has no legal part in anything.

This does not mean that Ex couldn't contest my "wish", but he has to prove to the court why he would be a better guardian to Jaysen than Companion, and that? Ain't happenin'. Two words. Piss test.

Okay- onto more awesomeness.
Last night was parent-teacher conferences.
Jaysen? The term "he's a pleasure to have in class" actually came out of Gen.Ed teacher's mouth. I almost kissed her on that mouth.

I love this school.
They not only know how to deal with him, reach him, and encourage him-
but they genuinely like him. Teachers and kids-
And that is SO important to both of us.

His class works so well with him that they're having difficulty picking kids to move to 3rd grade with him in the fall. I suggested they pick a handful of students who work particularly well with him, and have them "follow" Jaysen through the grades. They loved the idea, and now they can't decide who because Sp.Ed teacher wants to move the whole class. That feeling is more awesome than fat-free Godiva. Or taking a bath in feathers. Or Hugh Hefner's pajamas...

Did I mention they're painting my house?
Fumes people.

Huggy-bear

Wow. That was intense.
And after all that- my doctor gave me one Vicodin "to go".
I ended up calling her begging for something because I was sure I was close to dying.

From my experience (had the ablation done in the office/clinic), and from friends who have had theirs done in the hospital- it all sucks either way. My cervix was uncooperative (go figure), so the dilation hurt like a biatch, on top of the ablation itself.
But it's over, and I'm done. I'm glad I did it, and hopefully I'm one of the 80% it works for.
It definitely is intense- but if you can suck up one day of pain, it could absolutely be worth it.

For anyone who doesn't know what an ablation is- they cauterize your uterine lining.
Like burn the biatch off. Yes, really.
Why would anyone want to have that done? 3 simple words, my friend.
No more periods.
Ever.

Anyway- I am much better today.
Jaysen has been a saint.
When he got home from school yesterday, he could see I was in a significant amount of pain, and was afraid to touch me. I told him a hug would make me feel better, so he gave my outstretched arm a squeeze.

When I was napping, he would come over every 20 minutes or so, pat my head gently and say "It's okay Mommy, your huggy-bear is here".
Melt...

I love that kid so much.

BBQ tweeter.

I'm kind of tweakin' because tomorrow morning I'm having a D&C and an endometrial ablation.
Oh yes, I'm pretty sure it's going to be as much fun as it sounds.

Please send drugs.

The middle wife

Ex came over this weekend to see Jaysen.
First time this year, thankyouverymuch.

Ex is a crappy father.
Despite other people's beliefs that he doesn't love his children- I think he does love them, he just doesn't know how to be a Dad to them.
He has twins (15 years old) from his first marriage, and Jaysen.

Ex sees the twins quite often lately. They're a fun age for him.
They're into the same activities- skateboarding, music, girls, and other teenage stuff.
Jaysen? Not so much "fun" yet.

When Ex and I divorced, he started dating this girl (ironically, we have the same name).
I loved her.
She was sweet, good humored, and most importantly, she really jived with Jaysen.
Needless to say, that relationship didn't last. Which brings me to his current girlfriend of the past 4 years.
Current Girlfriend really can't be bothered by Jaysen. She tolerates and talks to him, but it never seems genuine, and she doesn't really know how to interact with him.
She for sure doesn't "get it".

So. Ex comes over and announces that he's going to be a Dad again.
Oh for the love of unicorn testicles. You have got to be shitting me.
This is a man who cannot take care of the three children he currently has, and he's welcoming baby number 4 into the world?
Oy.

I put on my happy face and exclaimed the appropriate congratulatory phrases.
Until he spoke again about how this was something that he and Current Girlfriend had discussed, and they wanted to do before she turned thirty in a few years (yes, you read that right)- and how happy, excited, elated (and other fluffy words that made me want to vomit) he was.

I wanted to rip his unshaven face off and run it through my paper shredder.
Why?
When I told him I was pregnant with Jaysen- and remember, we were married-
I was met with "Oh my god. Tell me you're joking. Tell me you're fucking joking" head in his hands, the whole bit. Like I was Fat Albert and just sat on his world.
Then, he added, "I have kids already! Tell me you're fucking joking!"
Um...no, asshole, I'm not.

You can imagine how his new found joy made my stomach turn.
He's so icky.
Oh, and... Current Girlfriend is due in October! Jaysen's birthday month.
The shit keeps getting better!

It makes me so mad to think that he saw Jaysen 4 times last year, and what- is it going to be less now? Then again, is that really so bad? Hmm.

Tell ya what though-
I am totally going to be asking for child support now.

Fun with fudgables

When your first child has a language delay, you really don't have a great reference for language development for your second one.

Rylan is a bigmouth.
I'm glad that he has such an extensive vocabulary (he taught me what a combine harvester was), but I have to admit- when I see this itty bitty guy talking, I not only find it hysterical, but also a bit creepy.

And good luck with interpreting his needs.
Rylan speaks pretty clearly, his articulation is spot on for a two year old.
It's his words he chooses.
Case in point:

I arrive home to a tearful two year old.
I look at his Dad who gives me that look-
He doesn't know either.

The little red faced one stops crying the minute he sees me.
He runs up to me and says...
"Fudgable."

"Wha...?
"Fudgable!"
"Fudgable? I'm not quite sure I know what that is..."
"Mah-mee! I want fudgable!"
He starts crying again.

He looks to Companion, who meets him with a firm "after dinner".
Like a pro.
Shit on a turkey leg.
Dad didn't give in, which means there is no way I can cave.

Snotty McGillacutty runs back to me, sobbing.
"Fudgable, fudgable, fudgable! Maaaaah-meeeee!"

Ohmigod...what is he saying?
What the crap is a flippin' fudgable?
Vegetable?
No.
Fudgesicle?
No.
Popsicle?
No.
Argh! I would pay a hefty ransom for a freakin fudgable!
Why can't I connect the dots?!?

He looks pathetic, big tears streaming down his red face, glazed in snot...
He obviously realizes there is no way he is getting his coveted fudgable.
You can see his frustration as he searches for a Plan B.

Just then, the tears stop almost as suddenly as they started.
He cracks a small grin and there is a sparkle in his eye.

"I want... a cookie!"

Um...after dinner?

As a side note, "fudgable" turned out to be fruit snacks.
Go figure.