Scary?

Imagine this conversation a few mornings ago.

Me: Good morning sweetie, did you sleep good?
Jaysen: No. I have a bad dream.
Me: Really? Do you remember what it was about?
Jaysen: Yeah... I have a nightmare... about The Backyardigans.
Me: Uh... The Backyardigans?
Jaysen: Yes. The Backyardigans.

Seriously folks?

My kid just lost his Rockstar status.

Crap. No pun intended.

Jaysen had his med review with the psychiatrist last week.
I've been trippin' balls since.

He's gained a lot of weight from the Risperdal, but has really packed on the poundage the last couple months. To the point that people that are close to him, are starting to say some not-so-nice things about him.

His psych noticed too.
When he first went on the Risperdal, she explained the weight gain, and the risk of developing diabetes due to the weight gain.

Well...
Now Jaysen's on another med to help his body produce the insulin that the Risperdal is inhibiting. I know nothing of this med, other than it's called Glucophage, and it gives the unlucky ingester horrible diarrhea. And when I say horrible diarrhea, I mean liquid shooting out of your ass, spraying the back of the toilet every 20 minutes. Yeah, that bad. And I'm only giving him half of the prescribed dose.

Getting him to take it is another horror story, as he's just found me out. It only comes in pill form, and these are huge muthahumpin pills, peeps- so I've been crushing it and putting it in his juice. The crushed pill has to further be dissolved in hot water, leaving the result a very milky white liquid. Not easy to cover up in thin juices, so I've been using Sunny D. That shit'll mask anything.

Not anymore. I may have lost Sunny D to my neophobe. Dammit.
I tried to pawn it off that the dishwasher must not have rinsed the soap out of the glass, but he wasn't buying it. Smart kid.

So- I'm freaking out yet again.
I think I spend more time freaking out than not, so I'm not going to fight it and just hope that dark circles and perma-bags under the eyes come into style soon.
I don't know what to do.

Should I keep torturing the poor child with the firey ass explosions?
Should I take him off of it and severely limit his dietary intake? I mean the kid barely eats outside of his "safe foods" as it is.
Should I take him off the Risperdal and just deal with the Tasmanian Devil-Child?
Should I try a totally different med and play the chill my kid out, but don't make him a zombie game?

Has anyone had any experience with Glucophage and the exploding asshole of doom?
Does it stop? Ever?

This sucks.
I am dying inside with worry about my son's insulin and glucose levels.
Is this the time to freak out? Because I am really not in a very good place right now.

Day one - success!

I am so proud of you all.
You kept my secret!

First day of school was an overall success.
Jaysen woke up at 6am, right on schedule. We still have issues with him venturing to my bed when he wakes up in the middle of the night, so that's where he was. I said, "Good morning... time to get up!" But not too cheery, 'cuz that's just asking for a meltdown.

He promptly returned to his own bed and informed me, "No thanks, I'm still just a bit sleepy." That's a helluva script right there, peoples.

Hmm.
So I did what any quick thinking mom would do-
Ran downstairs, put in Jaysen's favorite song, and blasted the stereo.
And who wouldn't enjoy waking up to "Numa-Numa"?
My neighbors love me.

Just as I hoped for, Jaysen flew downstairs.
So we jumped around and danced for a bit.
He went upstairs and got dressed- not in the clothes I laid out the previous night, but he got dressed himself!

He ate a little breakfast, and went outside to wait for the bus.
At 6:30am.
The bus isn't scheduled until 7:52.

Anyhoo...
The flippin bus never showed, so I drove him to school.
Called Transportation to see what the heck happened. They don't have him on the bus route.
Erp?
Well you better put him on it, and make sure he has a ride home this afternoon!
And they did.
Happy faces glistened in the sunlight, unicorns danced circles around a maypole, and life was good.

After school, Jaysen told me he had a "great" day.
And the data-sheet (must be said in a robot voice) sent home proved he was right! He told me about seeing his friends again, and how he gave Bella a hug and a kiss. Oy.

Whew. It's over.
First Day of school was awesome.
Way to go, buddy.

Twas the night before school...

Please note that the subtitle to this post should be "Why I need to replace my digital camera".

I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm going to whisper.
Lean in reeeeally close.
Can you still hear me?
Okay...
School starts tomorrow!
*gasp* Shhhhhhhhh!
Was that a wee bit of excitement in my voice?
It's been so long, I'm not sure if I would recognize it anymore.
Kay. Now pretend like I never said anything. Back to this blog's regular post.

Jaysen has been bouncing off the walls for the last four days. Not that I've been counting.
The kid is acting like he had a case of Red Bull. I mean, flippin' BERZERKER.
Maybe it has something to do with school starting, maybe it has to do with Mercury being in retrograde. I really don't know. What I do know, is my son has never had a "night before school" where he hasn't had a meltdown of epic proportions, refusing to go. 'Tis not the case tonight.

I put him to bed an hour ago, and he's been out of bed twice already.
The first time was understandable- I was sharpening pencils.
His teacher requests each kid brings 4 dozen pencils- sharpened. 4 dozen pencils? Seriously? Who does she think is going to sharpen all these pencils? I can tell you it's not the kid. At least not my kid.

So why would Jaysen come downstairs, just to watch me sharpen pencils?
It may have been because the only pencil sharpener I have is shaped like a cat- that you stick a pencil into its butt, and it meows as you're sharpening. Yes, for real.
And it's loud.

Bring on the school year.
Meow.

Rock and roll is dead.

So, I was going to take Jaysen to see Joan Jett tonight.
He didn't want to go.
How could you not want to go?
No matter how appealing I made it to him, all I got was "No fank you. We can stay in home."
Ugh. Just what I wanted. A night of laundry and washing dishes.

I am starting to think this is not my child.

Once again, my offspring sucks the fun right outta my night, faster than you can suck down an icy soda with a McDonald's straw. You ever notice how big those flippin' straws are? It's freakish. It's all good though. He totally owes me Hallowe'en this year. Bwahahaha...

'Til we meet again, Joan-

I love rock n' roll.

...And tonight, I'm going to see if Jaysen does too.
I'm taking my Baby Einstein music/Mario sound effect loving son to see Joan Jett!

I know! I'm tweakin' because this could be really cool, or it could go down in flames like a kamikaze pilot headed for a barbeque. Gawd, puhleeze let him at least dig it a little! I noticed that Jaysen has been starting to venture outside of his "norm" music tastes, and has really been enjoying other music. It's still "novelty music" like the Yoshi Super Happy Song and Numa Numa, but the point is, it's not from a Baby Einstein CD. Rawk.

What's fantastically schweet about all this? Joan Jett is the first concert Jaysen ever went to. He didn't really have a choice, since he was still in utero.
He seemed to like it then- unless those kicks were holy-bald-bitch-in-black-leather, get-me the-heck-outta-here, I'm-totally-on-sensory-overload-and-can't-escape kicks... but who can say. Maybe Jenny McCarthy knows. Bwah!

And if we have to leave, so be it. It's free, and I've seen Joan a billion times.
We're likethis.
She'll totally understand.


Whaaaat? You don't know what the Yoshi Super Happy Song is?
34 seconds and you will either piss yourself laughing, or hunt me down and punch me in the face.

Maddy- this is for the boys!

Will update!

And this is karma.

I recently found out some wonderful news.
News that made made my eyes light up, and made me squeal with antici.......pation.

The aforementioned "crappy school"- may be closing its doors.
Whoo-hoo!
Not that Jaysen goes there anymore, but still.
This was a school that was evil. And when I say evil, I mean Satan himself wouldn't send his own kids there. Ya gotta kinda say it like this- eeeeeeeevil.

Everything from lying principals, effed up parents, multiple violations of my son's rights, and just some really top notch suckiness from all around, was at this school. Suck, I say.

I don't know many details, other than enrollment is down because parents keep pulling their kids out of there. Hah. Go figure, bitches. It wasn't my son who was the freakin' monster in that school, now was it? You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

And I got a bonus ray of sunshine in my day!
Remember Ms.GenEd from first grade? The teacher that everybody loved and was so warm and fuzzy, but treated my son like a rotting rat carcass? Yep. Her.

I was talking to a neighbor, who is/was a Ms.GenEd fluffy-bunny supporter. She told me that she had kept her daughter at the school specifically for Ms.GenEd because her reputation was so wonderful, and was planning on moving her after that year. After her daughter changed schools, she was super far behind. That's when my neighbor came to the realization that Ms.GenEd has awesome superpowers in schmoozing parents, but doesn't know her shit when it comes to actually teaching kids. It's cool that my neighbor came to this realization, because she's a great person, very talkative, and works in the school district. Bwahaha! Rock on neighbor-lady!

If this school does close?
I will put on my party dress and toast a glass of pinot grigio (I don't like champagne) as the doors lock. I'll even have someone take pictures of my grinnin' ass doing a happy dance.
Now where did I put my tiara?