And This Is Why I've Been A Hermit...

It had been a very dark couple of years, and I wasn't sure I could post anything before anything was finalized. Y'all ready for this?

In November of 2014, Companion and I got married. (Yeah, I know, right?)
Things sucked.

In short, I married a habitual liar, and a sexual predator.

You would not believe the shit I uncovered. But trust me when I tell you, there is no better detective, than a suspicious wife.

• I learned Companion has a pretty significant porn addiction. I'm talking like sometimes 7 hours a day kind of habit.

• He was more comfortable with porn than having an intimate relationship with a real live person. Which made me unbearably lonely. 

• I learned he would stalk other women and take secret pictures of their feet (a philia of his), without consent.

• I found nude pictures of myself, that he had taken. Pictures he did not have my consent to take. He would pull down the covers while I was sleeping, or leer through the crack in the door when I was changing or getting into the shower. Creeper.

But check this out-

Over the course of our 13 years together, he and a co-worker had a relationship for over 5 years. He admitted that the only reason the affair ended, was because she left the company. Which by the way, was three months after our wedding. After. Talk about a knife to the chest.

After 10 years of neglect, and 5 years of betrayal, I had no more tolerance for any form of cheating, whether emotional, physical, through words, or other secret exchanges. I will stand by this until the day I die.

You stuck your dick in a goat? You cheated.

Wife begging for your attention and affection, but you’re giving it to another woman instead? Cheating.

Went on a date with another woman, but “didn’t have sex”? Sweetpea…you still cheat-a-ma-tated.

Infidelity is more than just adultery. Infidelity is about broken trust. Breaking bonds. 

I stayed and we tried to work things out through therapy. I stayed not only because of my fierce loyalty, but more importantly, because I tried to convince myself  I wasn't being abused. He promised to stop the lies. To stop the porn. To stop seeing this woman, and never contact her again. There were lots of promises. But I guess dat ass was just too enticing. 

I soon found out the affair had rekindled. Or maybe it never stopped. 

I was told he was going to a friend’s house who lives about 2 hours away. He was not. He and the girlfriend met for dinner and drinks. His tab, of course. When I questioned him if he was still at his "friend's" house, he affirmed- but I was staring dead at his car in a local restaurant’s parking lot.  

Despite therapy and watching my anxiety spiral into CPTSD, he just could.not.stop.lying to me.

Our therapist made the observation that despite all we had invested into therapy, Companion never shouldered any responsibility or accountability, and had actually gotten worse as therapy progressed.
The man is a weak, pathetic son-husband, and malignant covert narcissist.
He constantly plays the victim.
And he lies...lies...lies.
He is an abuser.

I had finally had enough, and ended it.

The kids were bummed, to say the least, but they understood because they knew that things weren't good. They saw me in tears, non-stop. They knew it was because of their father. And they knew it wasn't healthy.
We didn't even make it 2 years, peeps. Our separation was almost as long as our marriage. It was absolutely grueling.

Fast forward.
My divorce has finalized! 😄
*happy dance*

More updates to come....