The Quirk Factor: Resistance is futile...

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T11:55:00.000-05:00

2011 can suck it.

2011-12-29T14:51:00.000-05:00

Hang in there, folks.
I'm having some techical difficulties with Ye Ole Blog of Yore here.
Technically, I don't know what the heck is wrong with it.

I still love you.
All 3 of my followers...

*muah*

Christmahanukkwaanzika 2011

2011-12-25T23:23:00.000-05:00

Wishing everyone a very Happy Holiday Season!

Love,

Chez Quirk

The big 5 -

2011-12-14T08:40:00.000-05:00

Happy 5th Birthday

RYLAN!

You are full of all kinds of awesome.

We love you!

It's a Red Rider BB gun...

2011-12-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

The kids saw Christmas Story for the first time, and apparently it was a hit,
because now Rylan wants a "Red Rocket Beaver Gun".

Nice.

He may shoot more than just his eye out.

It's early and I need coffee.

2011-11-02T06:30:00.016-04:00

Headed to surgery...

...back in a bit!

Love you all~

Happy Hallowe'en 2011

2011-11-01T10:14:00.000-04:00

Happy Hallowe'en from us to you!

Ewww....pumpkin guts

New hair color for Mom!

Skeery zombie wants brains!

Fear mah zombieface

More cowbell.

2011-10-20T15:13:00.000-04:00

I was just prepping to write about the less-than-fabulous year we are having at this new school this year, but then everything took a turn and it seems things are magically working themselves out. Hmm. Kind of tweaks me out when things just fall into place like that.

I find out that my son doesn't really have a teacher.
Sure, he has a teacher....but only for fire drills.
Whaaaaa.....
Okay, well his homeroom teacher is only for fire drills.
Somebody better start 'splaining....

Turns out that he really doesn't have a homeroom teacher for all intents and purposes.
Jaysen requires significant support in reading comprehension and math.
Due to scheduling conflicts (yeah...I know), he is in the Resource Room for this support, while the other kids in his "class" are in their homeroom learning these subjects.
He is, however, in GenEd for Social Studies, Science, and everything else.
Okay...I will stop clenching my teeth.

And now for The Good.
Jaysen has been having difficulty with the viola.
He's doing very well with the classwork (got an A on his first test), begrudgingly practices, and has never once complained about lugging that thing to and from school.
He just can't "get" the mechanics of it.

So.

I suggested he be allowed to switch, because the drive and interest is there- he wants to play something, and is open to suggestion. He wanted to play trombone. I talked him into maybe trying trumpet first. He agreed.
After some minor friction with the Team about allowing him to change from orchestra to band, we just had a trial with the band teacher.
The trumpet and cornet were very difficult for Jaysen. Think blowing-the-ass-out-of-your-pants difficult. The teacher left the room and came back with a different instrument. He noted that Jaysen had more instant success with this one, and if he were to recommend an instrument, this would be it.

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Baritone.

After the hysterical laughter subsided....he looks kinda good with that, doesn't he? And I'd imagine the sheer size and weight may have a grounding affect for him. Interesting.
He will need private lessons for a bit to catch up with the rest of the class, but it's all kinds of awesome.

Happy 10th Birthday!

2011-10-17T10:34:00.001-04:00

Happy 10th Birthday, Jaysen!!!
We traveled far and wide to celebrate this monumental birthday, to Jaysen's favorite place in the whole world, where he declared this was the Best Birthday Ever. I'm thinking it was a combo of the unexpected trip, and the acquisition of the much coveted Nintendo 3DS.

O hai! A personalized birthday sign on the door to the hotel upon our arrival!

And horseback riding!

And of course CAKE!

Jaysen's vegan Aunt passed on chocolate cake, but apparently eating the Birthday Boy's head is PETA-approved.

HAPPY 10th Birthday Jaysen!!!

Double digits

2011-10-14T13:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Jaysen,

Please stop turning 10. I'm not sure I'm ready for this just yet. You're kind of growing up too fast.
I mean, ten? Seriously? So how's about we just wake up tomorrow and pretend it's just a regular day. Cool?

Thanks,
Mom

Lookout Ron Popeil!

2011-10-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

Yes! You can now own a little bit of The Quirk Factor for your very own!
This Zazzle-store-thing was hilariously fun. You should try it too.

Granted, they pulled a bunch of stuff I made like this...

Something about not having Samuel L Jackson's permission to use his image....grumblegrumble. Samuel L Jackson would totally support this, yo. Me and Sam are *likethis*. Kind of. Okay, whatever.

Anyway.... Click here to go to The Quirk Factory

That's mah store. The Quirk Factory. Get it? Bwahaha...sometimes I kill myself with cleverness.
There's a bunch more hilarity there, and if you're a longtime follower here, you may even think it's hilarious too. Including, but not limited to: Autism humor, blog quotes, artwork, and shameless self promotion.

You know you want an ornament designed by Jaysen, hanging from your tree this year!
And even if you don't, someone else probably does. They make great presents.
And I'll even take requests.

I may not be as good a marketer as Vince Offer:

But I'm also not going to beat up any hookers, either.

So there you have it.

No hookers were harmed in the making of my products.

Go check it out and let me know whatcha think.

Mah kids are weird.

2011-10-04T09:56:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile, so...

You all know Jaysen:

Awww!

Holy bubbles, Batman!

Kitty love.

And Rylan:

I can haz mohawk?

Look! Mom gave me liberties!

Scariest clown evar.

I wear my sunglasses at night...

Pimpin'.

This be his dance moves, y'all.

And most people think my special needs kid is my handful?

Oy.

*Keep your eyes open for a special announcement coming soon here at Chez Quirk!

This is what's happening, hawtstuff.

2011-09-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

School is in full swing, and the boys are settling in nicely. Rylan at his preschool, and Jaysen in 5th grade.
I still can't believe I have a 5th grader, and my baby will start kindergarten next year.

School is going alright- I am sensing some things happening that I am not in favor of, but we'll see where they go. Jaysen has been moved to the Resource Room for the bigger portion of his day, and I am still not understanding what preempted this move. I mean, they even moved his locker to the RR. Erp? Hmm.

Jaysen's Resource teacher tells me Jaysen has friends, and kids genuinely like him. Jaysen told me yesterday, that kids don't want to play with him at recess. We talked a little about interests, and his BFF is very sporty and prefers to play soccer or Basketball at recess. Jaysen does not. Jaysen would rather run around the playground, scaling the slide, pretending he's Mario, vanquishing Koopas and Goombas. I suggested he approach a group of kids and ask them if he could join them. As soon as those words left my mouth, that horrifying feeling of rejection came flooding back to me. How many times as a kid, did I ask others if I could join them on the playground, only to be met with a "no"? Ohmigawd, that sucked. It forced me into a shell of insecurity and extreme diffidence, that I never really fully recovered from. I tried to quickly lay out another option of finding a kid that also looks alone, and asking that kid to play. He liked that idea too.

Also? He really likes viola. He's doing pretty well in the class- except they keep losing his shoulder pad... but he just took a test on the parts of the viola, and he rocked it at home. We'll see how he did in school under pressure. Haha. But really, it's been almost a month, and he hasn't even complained once about the viola. Not even about carrying it to and from school. Am impressed. :) Especially since I can't help him at all. I was not an orchestra student and know nothing about any string instruments. He liked to play with my old clarinet when I had it, so why did he choose the viola? Because the person who demonstrated the viola, played the Mario Theme song on it. Cheater. That is such a bitch move to sucker kids into the viola. It's brilliant.

In other news...
Jaysen has already made the announcement that today is the last day of September, which brings us to October, which means his birthday will be a mere 15 days away.
Can't argue that excitement- this is a big one. Double digits, baby!
Okay, well that and he knows he's getting a Nintendo 3DS.
Because I'm a sucker.
The 3DS does not get good reviews, but you cannot break the iron-clad will of my child once he has his heart/mind set to something.

The "unboxing"

BTW, this is his I like this, but I have no idea what the hell I'm doing face.

Is it a pillow, or a viola? Hmmm....must investigate.

Oh hey!

Lots more to share later, munchkins!

Cellar Door

2011-09-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

Does it ever seem like crazy stuff only happens to you? I hope so because I am really starting to think some Greater Being has it out for me or something, and I'd hate to go down alone. I'm eyeballing you, Xenu.

I mean seriously. Let's just look at this for a minute.
My house burns down. here
I do a botch job at cutting my thumb off with a can lid. here
I have a uterine ablation that had no success. here
I have a hysterectomy. here
I get parvo. here
My son needs surgery. here
I demand that my son stay in the school that he is currently in with his friends, only to find the new assistant principal is the old principal from the shitty-school-that-shall-not-be-named. (more on this later)
and oh yeah, I need another hysterectomy.

Yeah, see...the funny thing about me, is if there's ever "a very small percentage..." just accept and expect that I'm in that minute insignificant group of people that bizarre things happen to.

Because seriously who has two hysterectomies? Oh right, people who are me. It makes perfect sense now.

It's like a movie. Hysterectomy Part Deux: This time, it's cervical.

I'm pretty sure this is how wormholes are created.
If you meet your parallel self and you're way cooler than your real self- you're welcome.

Ready...set...

2011-09-06T11:28:00.000-04:00

I have so much updating I need to do- not to mention my blog was hijacked and I couldn't get in...it's a little overwhelming, but I promise I will get there. Pinky Swear.
But first-
You all know what today is, right?

Did you really think Jaysen was going to start 5th grade without my annual
First Day of School Freakout?!?
Hahaha....no...you know me better than that!
I am realizing, though, that The Freakouts are happening for a shorter period of time, so that's improvement...

We met the Resource Room teacher and he seems Awesome. I'm very excited that he remembered Jaysen from ESY, and said they worked well together. He also is kind of "tech-y", and is willing to help and encourage Jaysen's interest with basic computer-stuffs. Double bonus there. His Super-Awesome Resource Room teacher from The Awesome School is now his guidance counselor, so we also have that going for us. It really looks like his year is going to start off with the right supports. There's a couple of craperiffic things going on this year too, such as the horrible principal from the Bad School is now his assistant principal, and his parapro seems kind of clueless, but I'm hoping neither of those will be issues this year. Om...

Jaysen was totally excited to start school today.
This is pretty huge, since for one, said child is getting bigger, with all new "big kid" responsibilities, such as *ahem* deodorant usage and the like, but also changes in our district, have now made him an "upper elementary" student. Ooh-la-la! This means a total change.
New school, new teachers, new schedules, new kids, new curriculum, and holy shit LOCKERS....it's just a whole buncha NEW. We don't usually do Teh New. But Jaysen was excited, and that's always a bonus. Except this year he didn't make me wait for the bus 45 minutes early. Yay!

Here's what I think helped his new routine:

Awesome idea: Morning routine written on mirror with a dry erase marker. This way, he checks off the steps that need to be carried out to make a new morning routine.

Smooooth, like buttah.

Really, Mom....the camera? I'm just brushing my hair.

Give it a rest, yo.

Ta-da! All ready for the First Day of School! Yes, I tucked in the offending pockets.

Also, need to work on the striking a pose. Lookout Village People.

And here's what I think helped me:

Cheers.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

2011-07-18T14:44:00.000-04:00

I can has red hairz?

And so I got *that* workin' for me... Lol.

Come here often?

2011-06-05T22:02:00.000-04:00

It's been way too long since I've posted, but we've been having some slightly bizarre illness happening here. Very high fevers and random barfing. No other complaints, just hot n barfy.
Anyway..
Jaysen's surgery went very well. Thank you all for your well wishes!The procedure was a bit more involved than originally anticipated, but the surgeon was able to complete it without complication.

Jaysen was really nervous- and by nervous, I mean he was scared out of his everlovin' mind...but once in the room, they did a good job of relaxing him (read: drugs), and it was over in a jiffy.

Going..........

........and gone.

So freakin' cute.
Recovery on the other hand....notsomuch.
Apparently, my lil guy doesn't come out of anesthesia too well. He was really crotchety, and in a significant amount of pain. They gave him half a vicodin, and it wasn't long before I was pushing for them to give him the other half. The nurse was from the school of start small and increase doseage only if absolutely necessary. Mama has had a few surgeries in the not so distant past, and is from the school of the patient should be KTFO (knocked the fuck out) the day of and the day following surgery. Then, painkillers should be administered as necessary.

KTFO.

Add in a reaction to one of the medications and some unexplained chronic barfing....it was a rough few days there.

New belly button under construction:

The kid is tough.

Blondie was onto something...

2011-05-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

I have to interrupt this surgery recovery to bring you a veloci-RAPTURE post.
Mainly because I have not gotten to transfer my pictures from my phone to my computer yet.

Okay, so if any of you happen to get Swept Up In Glory this evening, I will miss you.
You should have a Rapture party.
All you need is some Heathens, some Virtuous Ones, and some eats and drinks.
Oh and music. In the event of a Rapture party, I put together an End of The World playlist.
Cuz I care about you like that.
And I have a child recovering from surgery, so I can't get all Rapture-riffic myself. Boo.

Here is my gift to you, a Rapture playlist:

Nothing is Keeping You Here - A-ha
Apocalyptic Sunshine - Acid Bath
Now I'm Feeling Zombified - Alien Sex Fiend
Jesus Chrysler Suicide - Anaconda's Child
Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins
We've Got a Bigger Problem Now - Dead Kennedys
Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode
Can't Go Back - Descendents
Reality Check - Genitorturers
She Floated Away - Husker Du
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked - Ida Maria
Risen - KMFDM
Wheel in the Sky - Journey
Bring the Pain - Mindless Self Indulgence
This is Your Last Chance to be Famous My Love - The Mint Chicks
That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate - Mission of Burma
Disappointed - Morrissey
99 Luftballons - Nena
Jesus Doesn't Want Me for a Sunbeam - Nirvana
Oh Lately it's so Quiet - OK Go
Another Girl, Another Planet - The Only Ones
So Stark - Pavement
Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
A Million Miles Away - The Plimsouls
Monkey Gone to Heaven - Pixies
Countdown to Armageddon - Public Enemy
You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby - The Smiths
Here I Am (Come and Take Me) - UB40
I've Been Waitin' for Tomorrow - The The
The End of the World as We Know It - REM

Enjoy.
And tether your asses down, 'cuz I really will miss you.
Haha....who am I kidding...you guys ain't goin' nowhere...
*muah*

Meh.

2011-05-18T14:10:00.000-04:00

Jaysen has surgery tomorrow.
Am nervous.
So is he.
Wish us luck.
Will check in.

~xoxoxo~

I heart lampposts

2011-05-13T23:03:00.001-04:00

Finally.

I was given the opportunity to review a film called Loving Lampposts: Living Autistic. Todd Drezner takes an interesting, and refreshing approach to gain knowledge about his son's diagnosis. I say refreshing, because this is honestly the first time I have ever seen the topic presented in a 100% unbiased, non-judgemental, and eyes fully open approach. Drezner spends time seeking knowledge from both "recovery" and "neurodiversity" movements, presenting both sides equally, and straightforward. And neither side presented Autism as a devastating apocalyptic disease that steals your children's souls.

This is a really good film, peeps.
The title is personal, and reflects Drezner's son's special interest in lampposts, and his affinity for them.
It's personal and heartfelt. The parents in this film have so much love for their children.
I would be willing to bet there are a lot of newly-diagnosed parents out there, whom would feel much comfort and support from just this knowledge alone. Why? Well sure, because it has Estee and Kristina in it :), but also because it presents options. As parents, we love options. We may have a strong feeling toward a certain side, but as long as that option is there...we are hopeful.

Not to mention the kids in the film are downright adorable.
I think this film should be stockpiled and handed out to parents of newly diagnosed kids.
It's that good. And that informative.
Really- that's what our goal is as parents. We just want to make the best decisions for our children, and the way to do that is to make informed decisions.

Lampposts.
Love em.

**UPDATED** I have received a few inquiries as to how people can obtain a copy of the DVD of their own. I was given the following information from Cinema Libre:

For people who are interested in purchasing the DVD for private use, they can go to our website. Here is the link - http://store.cinemalibrestore.com/lovinglamppostsdvd.html.

For people who are interested in screenings or the educational DVD, they can also visit our website – http://www.cinemalibrestore.com/educational_grassroots.html

If they have questions they can contact sales@cinemalibrestudio.com

Disclaimer: I did not receive compensation for this review. Should anyone feel compelled to compensate me, feel free. I would love an alpaca, or perhaps a nice garden gnome.

And lastly, this...

2011-04-29T11:17:00.000-04:00

To catch up, part one and part two.

Thank you, everyone, for your words of comfort and support. They really mean a lot to me.
It seems that since my freakin' fire 2 years ago, I've been hit with a barrage of crap that just has no end. It sucks, and it is affecting me. To know that you all are out there helps ease the crappityness of it. So thank you.

We met with the surgeon, and apparently this is a congenital defect (because everyone needs more of that dontchaknow), and it's extremely rare. Like less than 1% of the population has this thing kickin'. And of course, it would happen to us. Anyway, as it stands now, we have to wait for the infection to clear up, and surgery for excision of urachal cyst is scheduled for May 19th. I have not told Jaysen yet, and don't plan on doing so until maybe the week of. When I tell him, he's going to flip. But he'll pull through, just like he did at the hospital. I am amazed at how far he has come. How tough he has gotten. He is now taking 3 pills 2 of which are full sized antibiotics. That is huge for my sensory defensive kid. Huge.

On a side note, I was at the Metro Parent Living With Autism seminar yesterday. It was pretty cool. You could just feel the love in some of those presentations. It really warmed my heart. I also met some cool people- Melissa Hunt-Sampey and I connected on Twitter, then she magically stopped following me later that day. Was it me? I don't know, probably. I met and had lunch with Staci Bockmann from My Great Kid, and I really enjoyed and found motivation in hearing how her son has blossomed in theater. And reconnected with behavior consultant Aubry Dodge, whom I absolutely luuuuurve. She is awesome. I've blogged about her here, but used the pseudonym "Audrey", 'cuz I'm ultra creative like that. Aside from the vendor who told me I must not like Jenny McCarthy because I'm jealous of her money and fame (yes, really), it was a good time.

So, that's the update.

And also this...

2011-04-27T08:15:00.000-04:00

I received a phone call from the doctor at the hospital last evening.
Culture came back, and Jaysen needs a surgery consult first thing this morning. They wanted us in last evening, but I physically couldn't get him there before they closed.

Having trouble figuring out how this went from here are some antibiotics, call us if he doesn't get better to we have to get him in to see a surgeon immediately.

Am freaking out slightly.
And by slightly, I mean ohmyfreakingawd what the hello kitty is going on?
Spaztronic style.

And then there's that...

2011-04-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

...now with more RAGEFACE.

For the past couple days, Jaysen's been complaining of a stomach ache. Dr. appt stated a urinary tract infection.
Y'know that "mom-voice" that says really, I'm sure that's a lovely diagnosis, but I just don't think that's what's going on here... The one that gets you labeled as "combative" and "non-compliant"? Yeah, well we get it for a reason, doktorz.
However, I accepted the dx under the promise they would get back with me once the culture came back from the lab.

Saturday, we spent the night in the hospital.

When I went to pick the kids up from Companion's house (note to self: Companion possibly needs a new moniker), Jaysen was still complaining his stomach hurt, and his belly button was "dirty". Upon inspection, the "dirt" was crusty something. Further inspection revealed that the crusties were pus. Lovely.

So I called the doctor again, who referred us to the outpatient pediatric clinic.
Dr. at the clinic swabbed his navel, handed the culture to me, and told us to immediately go to ER.
Whaaaaat?
"Emergency Room" and "Immediately" are words that when used together, automatically induce terror in a parent's heart.

So we went to Emergency. Immediately.

The doctors there were awesome.
They were efficient, informative, and let me know every little process they were considering. They involved me from the get go. They understood what it meant, the issues that Jaysen's ASD may present- they explained a procedure to me, and hung back while I explained it to Jaysen (and subsequently calmed him from the freakout trigger words "needle" and "medicine").
They understood about processing time, and respected that. They asked my opinion on what the best approach would be for them to get what they needed. They took their time to explain procedures further, in steps, so I could present it to him like that. They.were.awesome.

And Jaysen did an awesome job of letting the doctors know where his abdomen hurt and where it didn't. He followed directions, and responded to the questions asked of him (in his Jaysen-speak). He toughed it out and allowed them to examine him even when it was uncomfortable, even painful for him. Fear is a powerful sedative when it comes to Jaysen.

He was terrified of getting an IV, but he didn't try to punch the tech.
I almost did, however, because he was one of those who have to "dig around" for the vein once inside. Asshole.

I waited for Jaysen's adrenaline RAGEFACE to subside, and explained to him that this was where they would put any medicine he would have to take, and that was uber-cool because he wouldn't have to swallow any meds. He was unimpressed, until the nurse was fussing around and I told him she just gave him meds, and he didn't even know it. Then, it was kinda cool, and he wanted me to take pictures of the IV.

They wanted a CT scan.
Problem with a CT scan (besides the pesky radiation), is you have to drink this apparently nasty contrast liquid.
And no, putting it in apple juice doesn't make it any better.

Jaysen barfed it up. Twice.
They ended up putting contrast in his IV.
I asked about mild sedation- the doctor said "I figured you could go in there if you wanted to, I don't think he'll need sedation- you have a strong connection and work very well with him. It's really cool to see. I think he'll be fine with you there."
Aww! Thanks doc. I was meaning for me.
But he did do fine during the scan. I did too.

So....what's up with my crazy kid?
The official diagnosis is urachal remnant. And cellulitis.
The cellulitis is no biggie, but the urachal remnant part sounds tweakish.
Apparently, this is a congenital defect where the tract going from the bladder to the belly button does not close completely after birth.
It's this semi-open tract, that became infected.
We caught it early enough that it wasn't a deep infection, so that was good.
But it can be recurring, and if left untreated, is bad news bears.

Butchaknow what? I am so super proud of him.
He may not have been the bravest at first, but he followed mad directions, even in spite of his sensory issues and fear. He was a trooper at drinking his "stinky juice", and is swallowing his big antibiotic horse pills. Those are both little victories for him.
Actually, they're pretty huge.

And I am probably going to hell, but I love that last picture...

And history repeats itself.

2011-04-21T11:12:00.000-04:00

I'm starting to think The Universe is against me. Seriously.
What's that line...the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away?
Indian-giver.

If you've followed this blog for awhile-
a) you are undoubtedly super amazingly COOL and b) you will remember that we did not get Jaysen into a fantabulous school without a fight.
A fight that cost him years of education, set him back socially, and shattered my trust and faith in humanity.
A fight I am afraid I am going to have to embark on yet again.
I don't know if I have the strength to do this.

I received a call from V, the supervisor of Special Education.
She informed me via phone message, that it's okay Jaysen follow through with the good school for upper elementary for 5th and 6th grade, but for middle and high school, she says he has to get back on track with our "home" schools.

Hmm. Let's think about that for a minute.

My son was put through so much hell at one school, that you yourself- the supervisor of Special Education- said it was despicable, and he should not be subjected to that treatment. You were there when my son was isolated from his peers and an appropriate education for over 4 months. You were there when the teacher got the parents to rally- calling him a "monster", said he should be in a separate class, not allowed around other kids, and when were their kids going to get "special attention" like him? You were there when the principal blatently lied about her actions, and violated multiple ethical and legal avenues. You even had to reign her in.

You were also the one who toured the other schools with us. You were the one who said the school we toured (Jaysen's current school), would be a much more accepting and encouraging environment. You gushed on and on how this would be a productive and successful environment for him. That he would flourish. And he is.

So it's kind of beyond me, why he is being transferred back to the school system that was horrible to him.
And the kicker?
The shit-eating principal from the crappy school? Is at the middle school you want him in.
There is something really feckered up about that.

Guest post! :)

2011-04-20T13:05:00.000-04:00

Today, I have a special visitor at my office with me.

Hi my name is Jaysen (name changed).
I like mario and pac man and baby einstein.
I have a super nintendo and super nintendo games. thay are called power rangers zeo racers, yoshis safari, super mario world and super mario all stars.
I have a brother name ryan who keeps beating me up and I love him so much he has red hair.
The end

So there you have it, folks.

I have a full time job, and surprise! it's not you.

2011-04-19T10:23:00.000-04:00

Dear People in my Life,

Please stop going to jail, beating your spouses, and being general asshats. You should also stop the drugs, take care of your children, and do something productive instead of running around playing silly games like a spider monkey on crack. It would be nice if you ceased having medical complications, and also? stop dying. My sanity thanks you.

Love,
Me.

crickets

2011-04-15T10:23:00.000-04:00

I know.... I have been neglecting my blog lately.
People want me to blog, but then are offended, pissed off, or hurt when I do.
Why haven't you posted? Your blog needs updating. You really need to post something...
Hmm.
This is mainly a blog about Autism.
Things on the Autism front are okay.
It's occasionally a blog about Charlie Sheen and unicorns.
I'm good on that front too.
It's also a blog about people.
Oh shit....people? Like me?

Yeah...it's all good until I start writing about YOU.
Then all kinds of feelings get all wankered and I'm a flying jackass with a tutu.
People get all tweaked out.
So in an effort to keep everyone happy, I just haven't been posting.
Which is wrong, yo.
I do my best to maintain anon-status for anyone whom may show up in these posts, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make them happy.
The problem is, peeps.... this is my blog.

You see, my life is all feckered up once again.
Exploding into oblivion, with shrapnel flying everywhere.
Duck and cover, baby.

And I can't write about it, and it's affects.
Do you other bloggers ever have that problem?
Argh.

Because I do appreciate the apocalypse

2011-04-14T14:13:00.001-04:00

So Twitter. I do not "get" it.
However, there is a random tweet-generator that will magically predict your possible next tweets.
You knows I love me some random generators lately...
Here are some That can be my next tweet predicted for me:

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!! Just sayin'. That dose counted.

Damn you...now I am going to marry me... Srsly? You guys are going to marry me.

I appreciate the blowjob... Bwahahaha!!! On another hand, think I do?

New blog post: Yes, I Finally Understand BATMAN! And assuming isn't possessed linda blair style...

Oh, you're about to friggin cave when Charlie Sheen dies on the boy pukefest '11? : Nice!

Yes! Now I appreciate the apocalypse. Seriously, like food?

Omg... I suppose it could depend on this hot hotwheels crotch.

Rawk. I just saw rylan's butthole. This day can suck a seal.

On one hand, i'm an asshole. I would prefer to see the pygmy goats over!

Actually, maybe it does know me pretty well.
Hmmm.

Yes, YOU can make a difference.

2011-04-01T13:19:00.000-04:00

This mom?

Rocks.

April 2, turn it blue.

2011-03-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

I do not much love Autism Speaks.
That being said, they have a pretty cool Autism awareness campaign going on right now.
They are asking for major landmarks to Light It Up Blue, for Autism Awareness Day on April 2nd.

I do however, much love Jess, from Diary of a Mom. She has posted an open letter to Barack Obama, encouraging him to include the White House in this campaign. If you haven't read her letter, you should. Like right now.
You can find it here.
It is a powerful piece, and I can't even begin to do it justice.
So please, go read. And comment.

Awareness is so important, peeps.

This post is mostly about how awesome I am.

2011-03-17T09:16:00.004-04:00

So yes, Happy St. Patty's Day everyone- whether you wear orange or green today, or simply just forgot to dress your children festively (*ahem* sorry, Jaysen) at all...may the force be with you in your quest for enlightenment through green beer.
But.
Today is also special for a totally different reason.
Know what it is?

Today...

Is my one year anniversary of quitting smoking.

Hells yeah! I am so freaking proud of myself.
I honestly never thought I would be able to do this. Never.

But now?
I think I got this shyt.

So, happy St. Patrick's Day, and Irish you were beer.

My chupacabra can beat up your tiger, Charlie Sheen.

2011-03-02T11:47:00.013-05:00

Well, Charlie Sheen has lost his effin' mind.
Seriously lost.his.everlovin'.mind, peeps.
Or is a Scientologist.

I was going to write a post about it, but then recanted, thinking I did not want to come across as insensitive- but seeing that Sheen-o-rama has swept the internets, and here, I am totally jumping on the bandwagon. Because I am a copycat like that.

The tragic thing about Mr. Sheen's mental blowout, is he is obviously a deeply troubled person, in a tailspin of self-destruction. The lighter side is he seems to be enjoying himself, and bonus there are interesting new things like the Charlie Sheen Rant Generator, Mad-Lib style. If you are ranting like he has been, it's got to be cathartic. Let's test that theory, shall we?

Here is my automatically generated rant.

“I am on a drug. It’s called The Quirk Factor. If you try it once, you will vaporize. Your uvula will melt off, and your parents will undulate over your pummelated body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not gollyish—a total freaking nerf-herder from Jupiter. I’ve got chupacabra blood, Aphrodite DNA! … They picked a fight with a phoenix. They’re trying to take all my jawbreakers and leave me with no means to stabulate my family. It’s not botany! They owe me an apology while gyrating my tragus … I don’t think people are ready for the b'dussy I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of fugly love. I exposed lemons to magic! Here’s your sweat test. Next one goes in your eye socket!”

Awesome. I have chupacabra blood.
I love Charlie Sheen.

On a more serious note, this is a good opportunity to show kids the possible affects of "bad choices", and that even celebrities are not immune to such things. It is interesting that he is generating a feeling of great responsibility in Us. We "know" Charlie. We feel for him. We want him to get help. We want him to be okay. We care.

But how many non-celebrity people are out there with mental illness, who We don't give a flyin' monkeyfinger about? What about the everyday people? The moms, dads, siblings, neighbours... who struggle with mental illness on a daily basis? Struggle for acceptance, treatment, and services? People whose support system doesn't have seemingly unlimited funding or don't have access to the best treatment centers. Or people who simply just don't have a support system? I do hope that We are able to use this as an awareness experience, along with other celebrities that have come out with their disabilities (I'm hurling my pride and praise at you, Mr. Apl.de.ap, from Black Eyed Peas.), and bring more awareness to our society.

Whew.
Okay, I am going to get off my soapbox and go stabulate my family with jawbreakers now.

Aww nuts.

2011-03-01T13:34:00.003-05:00

Ah. Sensory Dysfunction.

If you don't have a child with food aversions- serious food aversions, not just picky, you really can't understand. I wish I had a picky eater. I have a seriously neophobic problem eater. And no, he won't just eat if he is hungry enough.

The best way I can describe it is if you were given a plate of pufferfish which has been encrusted with a beautiful blend of glass shards and rat poison, atop a lovely glaze of cyanide, and infused with arsenic imported from France. Would you eat it? What if your bestest friend told you you would be fine? What about your mom? Surely your own mother would not wish you harm, and she says it's okay... she only wants you to try a bite, but it's loaded with things that can maim and kill you!

Chances are, you aren't going to even take a bite. And if you do take one bite, chances are you're going to have some pretty high anxieties about it. And you probably, most certainly, would become combative if someone tried to force you to eat it.

This is kind of how many of these children view unfamiliar foods.

That being said-
We attended my uncle's 70th birthday party over the weekend. Jaysen did well because he was absorbed in his computer game. We weren't going to be there a long time, so I didn't figure we needed to bring a cache of food with us. I was probably wrong. He did say he wanted a brownie, and I was actually shocked that he ate it, since it was a homemade one.

Side thought: You can tell a neophobe's parent when they are begging their child to eat junk food... Haha.

Anyfudge-
For the record, I also had to put some grapes on his plate, apparently for show since I knew they would go untouched. So he had 2 brownies, and was jockeying for a 3rd. I told him he would have to eat some grapes first. I also noticed someone had put 2 almonds on his plate.

Jaysen...eat an almond.
No.
C'mon.... I dare you. Just one.
No.
Please?
Nothankyou.
I'll give you $20.
No!
I'll give you $100.
No.
I'll....take you to Italy.
Mom! Noooo!
Okay, okay... eat one and I'll buy you a car.
NO!

By now, we have gathered a small crowd of people complete with commentary "I'll eat an almond for $20", etc. Shut up, feckerheads. Let me irritate my son my own special way.
I digress.

If you eat one almond, I'll give you $50.
You don't have $50. Show it to me.
*Upon this statement, as if on cue, my father opens up his wallet and flashes a fifty dollar bill*
Jaysen hesitates, but then popped an almond into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed!

Ohmigawd.
I owe my child $50.
For eating one almond.

YES!
Sure, he choked and gagged, almost barfed onto my aunt's coveted carpeting, but he did it! And I am rockin' proud of him. I am also proud he suckered me out of fifty bucks (higher level thinking skills!). Well actually, my dad's the one who had to cough up the dough. I think he's learned his lesson about putting his money where my mouth is. And I will totally pay you back, Peepa.

Of course, there were people who were appalled I just gave my son money for eating such a small morsel, but those of us who have truly problem eaters, can appreciate just how big this feat was.

Not to mention he totally called my bluff and shut me down.
Well played, Pooka.

What does FUN look like?

2011-02-25T13:18:00.001-05:00

New post- birthday edition

2011-02-22T13:44:00.005-05:00

It's mah birfday!

Ever get those B-day wishes that kinda make you feel special? And by special, I mean you kinda question your sanity for even knowing these people? The people who make birthdays really special?

I do.
And this year, extra special birthday thank yous go out to the following:

Marianne, who gave me my very first birthday greeting at 2:14am this morning.
Jaysen, whose first words to me this morning were "Yo, Mom.....happy birthday."
Wandy, who promised me a unicorn.
My coworker who wished me to have a zombietastic birthday.

And Ex.
The winner of everything special...who sent me a text this afternoon wishing me a Happy Escape from Vagopolis Day.

Yes, he's still single, ladies....

*Now updated* to include my cousin D, who called me to say "Hey, is this my old ass cousin?"
Thanks, yo.

Summer lovin'....

2011-02-21T09:55:00.004-05:00

Starting to stress about the summer already. There's 9 inches of snow outside, but I am stressing about the summer.
The kids are going to have to go to camp, so I'm starting the research process to find one that fits.

Jaysen came with me to visit the first one...

Will keep looking.

Back by popular demand.

2011-02-18T13:41:00.004-05:00

Okay! I know I haven't posted in eleventy billion years, but I've been busy.
Or something like busy.
Busy-ish?

Anyway, because the people have demanded it *ahem, Dad*, I am really going to try to make an effort to be more consistent with my entries here.
Because you all love me. *ahem, Dad*

So.
Because I live to tease my kids about....well, anything really... this was the conversation this morning:

Me: So Jaysen. Do you have a girlfriend yet???
Jaysen: No! That's disgusting!
Me: No it's not disgusting! When are you getting married? I want grandbabies you know.
Jaysen: I am not marrying Marissa.
Me: Ooooh....Marissa, eh? Okay, well maybe we'll get you a mail order bride. Like off of Amazon or something. Maybe ebay.
Jaysen: *ignoring me by now, but probably wondering how she would fit in a box*
Me: So what would you do if a girl came up and kissed you on the cheek?
Jaysen: I would freak out.
Me: *Bwahahahaha!* But kisses are nice.
Jaysen: I know kisses are nice. I like to kiss moms.
Me: Um. What other moms are you kissing?
Jaysen: You....and Moppi....she's your mom....
Me: Okay. So when are you going to get married so I can have grandkids?
Jaysen: Mom. You'll be dead.
Me: *blink blink* Erp?

My son. Killin' me off before the promise of grandkids.
He is so grounded.

An open letter to my Wii Fit.

2011-02-07T21:21:00.006-05:00

Dear Wii Fit,

I have tried for so long to love you. It just isn't working out for me. It's not you...it's me. No, wait...it's you. I hate you.

It isn't enough that you mock me when I step onto the balance board with an "Oh!" like you are surprised that I weigh that much. Nice. I hate you. But in the event that I actually gain weight, you proceed to make my Mii plump out magical like (and she seems just as shocked too), and now? I have the fattest Mii in the lineup. Yay me! Or yay Mii. You can suck it either way.

Exhibit A

Also? When we are doing jackknifes together, you really need to reconsider the counting thing. Every single time, I swear you are saying "one more to go!" and I get all excited- but really, it is "tw-ONE-ty more to go!" Seriously? That is a cruel trick. You are an asshole.

Insults aside, I am convinced you are trying to gaslight me. I used to use the female trainer. But I got bored with her svelte ass gently telling me I just "wasn't strong enough for this exercise", so I am batting for the other team and have switched to the Dood. I like Dood. Dood is alright in my book. He does not make me feel self conscious with my fatparts jiggling all around. Why? Because he is apparently a eunuch. Which is delightfully entertaining. I trust Dood. But then one day, there is something different with Dood. Something is off. Hmmm...what could it be? Hey- when did he get that metro ponynub? Is Dood's hair long enough for a ponytail? Is it just too hot inside of my television today? Did Dood get fired and this is his replacement? Did he run off with Chick? Is Chick preggers?!?!? Why have I never noticed this before? And then the next day, he's back to his usual self.

Gaslighting.
See for yourself.

This is Dood. Nice looking, non-judgemental, kindhearted...he cares, yo.

This is back of Dood.

Hmm...what's this? An interloper?

WTF Dood?!? You're obviously more absorbed with your looks than you are with my health.
Go screw yourself.

You be the judge.

So, I am leaving you for Zumba, where the girl trainer is upbeat and motivating, and the Guido-boy trainer looks at you with crazy-eyes, just like he probably would in a real club, because you are blocking his reflection in the mirror. He too, is self absorbed, but at least he doesn't front.

Kisses,
Me.

Ugh.

2011-01-24T15:22:00.001-05:00

That's it, yo.

When the minutes drag...

2011-01-09T20:54:00.004-05:00

Am absolutely holding my breath.
Jaysen's IEP is on Tuesday. Or at least the conclusion is.
We began the IEP some time ago, but due to unforeseen tweakiness from the Awesome School, it will be continued on Tuesday.

The school social worker met with me today to see how things were going, and also to let me in on the inside scoop.

There have been a lot of changes at the school. I understand this.
But I also feel the "new" resource room teacher is ill-equipped to deal with my child, as well as his Gen.Ed teacher.

Don't get me wrong...these ladies intentions are pure.
Especially Gen.Ed. She is a doll, with a heart of gold.
But that doesn't make her the right teacher for my child.
Not saying she's the wrong teacher...oh for everlovin' gummi bears, the woman is a granola girl.
Everything is peace and love and why-can't-we-all-get-a-long *puppydog eyes*???
Oy.

Anyway, I was very displeased at the disorganization at the last meeting, and the SW assured me that everyone will be prepared. She also gave the impression that she agreed with my insights, and advised me to "stay on top of things" because this disorganization is just the start.
Contrary to the reports I have gotten, Jaysen has apparently been a little shit. And they have pulled his para (since re-instated), and it looks like everyone forgot how to fill out a proper ABC chart.
Double oy.

I just want the freakin' IEP signed, sealed, and delivered.
Then I will be able to sleep at night.

In the meantime, Jaysen will be starting tutoring in math and reading, as well as piano lessons.
Um...you can stop laughing.
Srsly.
I will make him practice at your haus.

More later, gators!

A question to the masses...

2011-01-07T15:49:00.002-05:00

Okay. I have to ask this.
Because I am at the end of my rope.

What do you do when someone close to you just doesn't "get it"?

You know the type.
"It's not Autism...your kid is just a freakin' brat".
"You are too lax. Your kid needs stricter boundaries".
"Just force him to eat those foods". -or- "He'll eat when he's hungry".
"Don't give in to his 'shenanigans' ".
"He's very good at manipulating you".
Or the best ever... "He's faking it".

Srsly.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

So what do you say?
How can you help these people to see that this is very real?
My heart breaks when I face this, because I just don't know what to do.
I'm talking about people who love me. People whom I love.
People who really do think that they know better, think they are doing the right thing, and in Jaysen's best interest. People who believe I am coddling and defending Jaysen, and my parenting is full of suckitude.

I know what to say to a stranger, friend, or even acquaintance- but not to someone this close. Someone whose feelings are way fragile, and takes everything personally.

Ugh.

I know I'm not the first to experience this, so I am asking for any advice or help that anyone has. Violence is not an option.

Wikki wikki what?

2011-01-03T14:55:00.003-05:00

Storkdok wrote a lil' post about being voted #62 in Wikio's Top 100 Autism Blogs. She suggested perhaps the voters were partaking of illicit substances when they came up with that (and they may have been, since AoA is ranked at #1). Which is funny, because I dig her "sad little blog" as she describes it.

I have to say that at first I thought it was funny, but now I am in total agreement, as MY sad little blog came in at #22!
Inorite?!? Check it out yourselves here.
Okay, now 22 is a fabulous number (my birthday number!), but RLY?
What ARE you people smoking?!?
Seriously. I want to know, and can I get it mailorder?

What's even hilariouser-er-er?
The "Top 3 posts" they chose for me, had nothing to do with Autism.
Nothing.
Not one thing.
One was lamenting my achy-breaky heart, another on coffee, and another on when The Red One flushed his skivvies down the toilet.
Top Autism Blogs fodder there, I tell ya!

You bloggers out there should check too.
I know a lot of you on that there lil' list, and I am proud to be associated with you all.
But you probably don't know you're on there either.
I'm talking to YOU, MOM-NOS, niksmom, joeyandysmom, Lora, Tanya, accidentalexpert, Stimey, pixie mama , and the many other writers that are beyond page 3 (as far as I made it because I *am* at work, y'know...

Yay!
I wonder what I can get for #22?
Spa vacation?
A matching luggage set?
Ceramic dalmatian?
Vajazzled?
Anything?

Fine. Whatever.
I still rock.
Wikio says so.

2011

2010-12-31T23:37:00.006-05:00

~Happy 2011~

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy

New Year!

We gots big plans for you, 2011...

Love,

Us.

Moar reasons December rox...

2010-12-25T22:50:00.004-05:00

What was probably the lonliest Christmas I have evar had, also had some supergreat highlights.
The first being that I was drunk dialed at 11:30pm on Christmas Eve, by 2 British women. They were hilarious, as they were having a blast at what sounded to be like a huge party, and wished me not only a Merry Christmas, but a Happy Hanukkah too! Made.My.Night. I hope they call back on New Year's. I love drunk people leaving messages for other people on my machine. I'm bizarre like that.

And, and, AND.....
Anyone familiar with The Friendship Circle (shout-out to Dani and Little Bird), knows this is an awesome place. How awesome is awesome? Awesome.

But what makes it even awesomer-er-er-er-er, is if you look at the calendar they put out.

Check out December.
The kid in the middle?
That's mine.

*beaming*

Rock the J.Geils.

We wish you a fuzzy Christmas...

2010-12-24T20:08:00.009-05:00

We have two new additions to our family this Holiday Season~
I would like to introduce to you Phineas and Sosi!....

Phineas is a rescue kitty, kind of. Well, he is a rescue kitty, but his foster home was a really posh coture cat boutique. So don't feel all that horrible for him. Haha. Phinny is hilarious. Not only is he completely laid back, he is GI-FREAKIN-NORMOUS. This kitty is solid. Like a rock. Ashford and Simpson got nuthin' on my phatt boy.

I am quick to tell people that I fell love at first sight with Mr. Phineas, and while I did...the real reason I adopted him was because yay! Finally someone with a bigger ass than me!

Okay...meet Phinn!

Lookit this fayce!

We work out together all the time...

Best buddies...

Which brings me to TBML. The Beautiful Miss Lilac.
Lilac was a rescue from a vet hospital. She was caught in a trap, and has 3 1/2 legs. Jaysen was hesitant about having a kitty with 3 legs. He kept thinking she was going to bleed all over the place. I had to explain to him that she was well healed, and assured him there would be no blood. He was okay with it, and came with me to pick her up.

I was trying to think of names for her- I loved the name Isosceles, "Sosi" for short. So I was calling her Sosi. Except... every time I called her Sosi, Jaysen would correct me "Mom...her name is Lilac". Uh...yeah.

Those of you who know me in real life, know I cannot have a cat named Lilac. Lilac? Seriously? No. I name my pets after serial killers. I've had Gacy, Albert, Dahmer, Henry... I cannot have a cat named Lilac. Ugh.

Yet, my son insists.
And he usually wins.
So it's Lilac. Kind of. I made the rule that if he insists on Lilac, we must preface it with "The Beautiful Miss". But I still call her Sosi. Sometimes I get confused and call her Lily. And yes, he still corrects me. Whatever her name is, she is itty-bitty, and the sweetest thing ever!

So here she is...The Beautiful Miss Lilac, Isosceles, Lily-girl.

Tired Sosi-grrrl...

Is never too tired for some kitty-love!

Where is mah foots?

Who needs a foots when you have eyeballs that shoot laser beams?!?

May your Christmas be this warm and fuzzy too!

Happy Holidays!

Shyt you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to hear your kid say...

2010-12-23T20:07:00.003-05:00

Jaysen.
Trying to unscrew the battery cover to a plug-n-play game.
He is not having much luck.

"Hey mom...why don't you give this a try? You're the best screwer ever."

Uh...

Yule 2010

2010-12-20T21:11:00.003-05:00

Is here. With a lunar eclipse.
How cool is that?
Way.

Happy Yule, everyone...

Love,
Chez Quirk

~BB~

This year's ornament courtesy of my newly found Pagan sister, Owlene.
And to those whom I am missing... I love you dearly.

birfday boy part deux

2010-12-14T19:39:00.002-05:00

It's fun to be 4!

Supafly is 4!

2010-12-14T13:57:00.002-05:00

HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY

RYLAN!!!

We love you so very much!

Cheeseball...

Another reason my children will need more therapy...

2010-12-07T22:51:00.005-05:00

Jaysen's lunch.

New strategy.

Reads: Magic carrots. Only eat if you want super-speed.

Love, Mom

Reads: Evil Cookie of Doom.

Love, Mom

Yeah, it didn't work either, but I had to give it a shot.

He called the shit, poo.

2010-11-29T14:18:00.004-05:00

Remember the Black Cloud o' Doom that I have inherited? The one that follows me everywhere? The one that I can't catch a break from?
Yeah....that one.
It striketh again.
And has possessed the soul of The Red One.

Friday, I noticed a little puddle on the floor of the basement. It was coming from a pipe, and since this is new construction, I have no idea which pipes lead to what, or what comes from which pipes. But it was small, I figured that with all the water I had been using, it just overshot the drain.

Oh no. I should have known better.
Because Saturday came, and there was a whole lotta water in the basement. And it stunk. Like a men's bathroom at a seedy gas station. Or Comerica Park. Or my ex-hubby. Hmm.

Upon closer inspection, it became evident that the gods of all that is freaktabular bestowed onto me, the gift of a backed up sewer. How awesome is that. So I was standing in shitwater. Literally. So disgusting.

I debated about calling the plumber that night or the next day, but when started to be able to identify what was floating in the water, I decided to call. Of course it was after hours. Of course it was a weekend. Of course it was a holiday weekend. Of course that meant a buttload of extra money. Christ-in-a-hotdog-bun.

Plumber came out from 6-8p. And $500 later, he said my pipes looked good except for the pair of underwear clogging the drain to the sewer. Oh and bytheway I'm going to have to replace the carpeting, because "that is never coming out". Wait, back up...underwear??? Um...yeah. When I was gloating about Rylan starting to potty train? Well gloating comes back to bite you in the ass. That karma thing, ya know. I was a freaking oblivious lying idiot, because he ditched his skivvies in the toilet. He has also tried to flush numerous rolls of toilet paper. Full rolls.

So he's grounded until he's 12.
And not allowed to wear underwear unless they're made of duct tape.

I wish you a caffeinated Christmas.

2010-11-28T11:52:00.005-05:00

Hope every one's Turkey Day was superawesomefantabulous!

Yum.

Know what time it is now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...put up the tree, shopping frenzy, etc... but this is a very special time. A highly anticipated time. A holy time in the Quirk household...

It's time...for...Starbucks Christmas Blend! *gasp*

Behold a caffeinated miracle.

Isn't it....beautiful?

*sigh*

For those who are not aware of the Starbucks Christmas Blend...this stuff is magical, yo.
Case in point- I make some Christmas Blend, have a few cups, and ohmigawd....I want to clean my house. Top to bottom. I love this shiz.

Jaysen thinks I'm nuts.
I spent about $80 in coffee.
I just may be nuts.

But it's Starbucks Christmas Blend!
And no, I am not receiving any compensation for this post-
I just lurve. it. this. much.

Ahh... I love the holiday season.

A word on love.

2010-11-23T14:01:00.002-05:00

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” -Neil Gaiman

I love me some Neil Gaiman.

Just sayin'...

2010-11-02T18:07:00.001-04:00

That Reese's pieces are a sad substitute for Reese's peanut butter cups.

Meh.

Yay Rylan!

2010-10-20T13:15:00.001-04:00

Dear Rylan,

You are the world's best potty-trainer. Evar.

Love,
Mom

breathe

2010-10-19T09:53:00.005-04:00

It's never easy. Having that talk.
The one where no matter how you word it, it's going to potentially crush their little worlds. Change them forever. So many questions. Is this the right thing? How do you know? How did this all happen so fast? Am I effing up my kids? Am I being an asshole?

Companion and I have decided to split.
We had a plan. We didn't really stick to the plan. It kinda catapulted into fast-forward maximum overdrive.
We officially told the kids last night.
We went through the whole "Mom and Dad are going to live in different houses", "We both love you very much", "There will be times when you stay with Mom, and other times you will stay with Dad", "Dad's apartment is really cool and has an indoor swimming pool" "Dad would really like if you helped him decorate his place with pictures you draw"......
And I think they understood.

I think.

Jaysen didn't really react as I had expected, although I'm not really sure what I expected... We told him over dinner. He listened, and didn't really have any questions other than if I was going to stay in the house with him. He was excited to hear about the pool. But it was a hesitated kind of excitement. When he was finished eating, he said "I'm going to get Rylan. You tell him what you just told me". That was a pretty bold statement. It told me that he understood the basis of what's going on. He understood the importance. I'm preparing for the real questions to come in a few days. Processing.

Processing.
Processing.
Processing.

9

2010-10-15T10:09:00.003-04:00

Happy 9th Birthday Jaysen!!!!!

You are so very loved by so many people. But mostly, by me.
Which is totally special because...well, because it's me.

You are so very awesome. You amaze me every day with how far you've come, and how much you are maturing. I still remember those days when I would kiss your little bald head and breathe in your sweet baby-smell. Now, you kind of have that Justin Bieber hair thing going, and often smell like sweat socks.

But I love you, Bear.
And every year, this day is so very special to me, because I am reminded that it is you who made me what I am today. Because the day you were born is also the day I became a mom. And that is the greatest gift in the world.

Happy Birthday, Jaysen!
Party like a rockstar.

Announcement

2010-10-14T11:34:00.001-04:00

The Red One?

Is totally potty training.

Life is good.

Oh Em Gee.

2010-09-30T10:20:00.003-04:00

I know I've gushed on and on about The Awesome School Jaysen is currently in. Even (half) joked about wanting his I-Team to follow him through college.

Just received the Best.News.Evar as it relates to school.

I was fretting because after school tweaking around with budgeting, this is Jaysen's last year at The Awesome School. This year has been such a success, I really just wanted onemoreyear, just to have that positive experience. Alas, the school only goes up to 4th grade now. Which makes this a transition year. We all know how much we lurve transitions.... Since the next transition is to upper elementary for grades 5 and 6, it makes the whole upper elementary school experience a whole transitional clusterfeck. Nerves...worry...anxiety...gaping chasm in the ground swallowing me up.....

But!

I received a personal phone call from Jaysen's Resource Room teacher. Y'know the one who digs my kid for who he is, appreciates him, encourages him, and has faith in him? Also doesn't put up with his crap? Yes, the magical faerie-like teacher whom I probably owe my life to...okay, well at least my sanity...

Well, she called to let me know that she accepted a job as a counselor....at the upper elementary school! Uh...did I hear that correctly? Jaysen's not losing his Team, he's actually gaining them for another 2 years! Whoot! She also confirmed that we will need V, the sp.ed district head to attend Jaysen's transition IEP meeting, to ensure he follows the kids he is with now (as we are not at our home school).

Seriously peeps, I almost collapsed.

She's going to be a fabulous counselor. I honestly can't think of anyone better for such a job. Srsly, she already does that a good portion of the time.

So Yay! Congrats, magical faerie-teacher!
Spread your glitter and cupcakes all over the upper elementary!
You will be awesome and rawk it like you always do!

And yay for 2 more years of success!

Um...wow.

2010-09-22T12:57:00.005-04:00

4th grade is.........AMAZING!
I am happy to report that Jaysen is off to a great start this year- in school, and at home.

His parapro reports that his anxiety/frustration level is way down this year, and when he does have difficulty, he is using strategies to help diffuse himself.

Wow.

At home, I am seeing a happy, social kid, but also a helpful one. I can't even begin to tell you how helpful Jaysen has become. He follows directions with little to no grumbling, and will do things like get himself ready for bed, or get dressed in the morning, without me even having to ask him.

Wow.

He is helping his brother cope when his little 3 year old temper flares. He helps him get ready for bed. He asks his opinion on what movie he would like to watch. He takes turns with him when they play the Wii. He answers Rylan's incessant questioning. He encourages him, and tells him he's doing a good job. He tells him to have a good day when he leaves for pre-school.

Wow.

He's also more accepting of the suckier things in life. Like dentist appointments, homework, taking medication, and bedtime.

Wow.

That is not to say my son is perfect. He is my son, after all...
He still has bouts of frustration. He still gets lippy, and he still doesn't know how to constructively express or deal with certain emotions, but he's actively working on it. And you can see it in his face when he is truly making an effort.

Wow.

He also informed me, "Mom...your little boy is growing up."
Yes, sweetheart......he certainly is.
*sniffle*

First day of school - fourth grade

2010-09-07T11:42:00.003-04:00

Dear Fourth Grade,

Why did you sneak up on me and bite my ass at 10pm last night? Didn't you know that all the good school supplies were already gone? That was not very nice of you.

~Momzilla

Space Cadet

2010-09-02T13:34:00.002-04:00

Damn. I miss you guys.
I'm sorry I've been spacing and not updating, like, at all....
But guess what today is?

It's move in day!

Yay! One year, two months and two days later- I get my house back!
We can actually say we are home!
And that is an awesome feeling.

I promise, after we get settled, I will post pics.
You are going to lurve...

Still clicking my heels...

2010-08-06T21:00:00.002-04:00

Update? Sure.....

Haven't written much for a variety of reasons- nothing much to write, not much time to write, and just plain ol' don't feel like it lately. Meh.

Anyway, the house is still not done.
Our landlord flipped out and booted us, so now we're staying for 2-3 weeks in a hotel. It's actually not that bad. They're suites, so there's a kitchenette and two bedrooms. It's small, but there's places to "escape" when necessary. Also? There's a pool. So Jaysen is happy.

Speaking of Happy-Jaysen, he is doing great with the help of the Abilify. He seems more able to process things, is more reasonable, and just seems...happier. More at-ease.

Hand?
Still sucks. Seems the suckage is getting more and more. I really need to see a pain doctor to get a handle on this, because "toughing it out" is making me a mega-bitch. And this hyper-sensitivity? Oh yes, I now know (on a smaller scale) what some of our kids are going through- and it's no joke. This can be some painful stuff.

Jaysen is not participating in ESY this year, which is fine with me as it really didn't do much for him anyway. Instead, he is attending a camp through the YMCA, and has only complained a few times about going. He has basically gone the whole summer at this camp! Huge.

Still looking forward to our Charlevoix trip in a couple weeks! :)
Whoot.

P.S. I am totally NOT freaking out that summer is almost over and there's back-to-school stuff stalking me everywhere I go. See? Thisismetotallynotfreakingout....

Things you would have heard this morning if you were a fly on my wall...

2010-07-28T08:21:00.005-04:00

Rylan: (two fingers intently pointed on the sides of his head) Mommy! These are my nipples!
Me: Um...no, sweetie. Those are your temples.

Jaysen: Mom......where's my Abilify?!?
'Bout knocked me to the ground...never thought I'd ever hear something like that in a million years...

Skillz with pillz

2010-07-23T15:44:00.004-04:00

Against my better judgement, I am totally going to post some superfantabulous news, about a superfantabulous gain we have made.

Hold onto your stickybuns, because this is HUGE.

So, you know my son...the one with sensory issues, who only eats things that he deems non-vomit-inducing? Okay, and we also know his sensory issues cross over into medications. No oral medications (makes him all barf-o-rama), has resulted in M-tabs and suppositories.

Jaysen was off meds for about a month. He started to get tweaky, so we revisited the med route. Upon familial suggestion (don't you just lurve that?!?), we tried Intuniv. Don't try this at home folks...my kid was berzerker. Like not a funny hyper berzerker... mean joe green berzerker. After only 4 days, we switched him to Abilify. Muuuuch better.

Huh?
What's that? Abilify comes in pill form?
Yes..... I know.

I had been prepping him for the meds... up until now, I had been able to successfully sneak him the Risperdal, but I wanted him to be informed as to what was going on and why he was taking these medications. Of course he bucked, but when I explained that the med was to help him not be so angry, and he might like how it makes him feel balanced, he said he would try it.

We spent the night before practicing swallowing pills using Skittles.
He thought it was funny and was really proud he could do it.

When it came time to "go live"....
Went without a hitch.
Perfect.
He even made a big production out of it.

If that's not awesome in its own right, here's what he said to me at bedtime-
"Mom...thank you for practicing me the Skittles...it helped awesome."

And now... he has taken it every day, on his own (with parental supervision).

The Unveiling...

2010-07-15T22:03:00.004-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen...
I take great pride and pleasure in being able to introduce to you, for the first time in....
well... a superlong time...

*drumroll*

My Left Hand!

Totally exciting, I know. But there is no cast, no splint, and I can go commando with my hando.
It still hurts like a.... well, yeah. And I still can't feel anything, so my fine motor is shot. I can't even sense hot or cold as of yet. The rest of my hand, however, is hypersensitive. And let me tell you that is bizarre!

So...still healing, there are ROM exercises to be done and desensitizing to accomplish, all in time.

But for now... I can totally almost hold a beer bottle.
My goal for the summer.
And we all need goals.

Snot fun.

2010-07-02T03:34:00.002-04:00

Seriously...
Allergies are killin' me.
I've never had seasonal allergies, ever- until a couple of years ago.
I don't know how people actually live like this.
I want to gouge my eyeballs out and slough my nose off with sandpaper.
Ugh.
This sucks.
It's 3:30 am, and I can't sleep because the suckage in my face is so bad.
Because seasonal allergies are so new to me, I have no idea what the eff I'm even allergic to, or even how to treat it.
Yes, I'm taking medication...no it's obviously not working.
Meh.

still holding

2010-06-30T12:35:00.003-04:00

Just a quick blurb here...more like a rant really...

I have to say that it irritates me to no end when people know Jaysen is med-free, and any little behavioral glitch (or big one), the first thing out of their mouths is, "time to go back on meds?"

Really?
Because had you not known he was off meds, you would have thought he was just having a "rough day". But when he's off meds, we almost look for things to go wrong. We want to find them and blame them on something. If it's worse off meds, then it can be fixed by meds, and if meds can fix him....
If you really paid attention to him closely, and not just when he is off of the meds- you would notice that the behaviors and attitudes that are so glaringly obvious to you now? He was doing 2-3 weeks ago. A month ago. Last year. On meds.
So, no.

I will, however, be revisiting the issue with his psychiatrist- who by the way, isn't you... to discuss his medication situation.

Thank you, Detroit.

holding my breath

2010-06-24T09:45:00.004-04:00

Because we all know I just miss the Mom of the Year award by thismuch every year...

I was noticing Jaysen was running low on his meds. And by running low, I mean holy shit-potatoes Batman, I should have refilled this 3 days ago. So I jet on over to the pharmacy. As I was entering the store, something made me look down. Know what I saw???

-NO REFILLS-

Oh my effing Buddha burrito.
You've GOT to be shitting me.
Nope. Not shitting me.

Okay. I can handle this. Let's think. Yeah, wake up other half of brain...
Rational Me: Ohai! I'm here.
Me: Kay. I totally need you. Jaysen's outta meds. His behavior has been really tweaky lately- which means possibly, there needs to be a med re-eval. Possibly a different med? Maybe we should just see how he does off of them?
RM: Are. You. Kidding. Me? Don't you remember the last time you did this, and he was bonkers? Hyper like a spider monkey washing down crack with a Mountain Dew? Hyper like stayed up all night? Hyper like pulling couch cushions off constantly, and nobody had anywhere to sit?
Me: Yeah, but he's got one pill left... I could split it and get one day out of it...
RM: Or... you could call the doctor to call in a week's worth until you can get him in.
Me: But the weight gain and blood draws...
RM: The physical aggression... he's big now. That punch would hurt. For real.
Me: ...yeah... Okay, I'll give it a few days and really watch him.
RM: Oy...

So... we're on day 4 of no meds.
I can report that there is little to no difference.
I can also report that there have been some instances where he would usually "go off", and he has started to, but then walked away, and returned calmer.

Example: He was playing a video game that was frustrating him. He did some self harming, hitting and biting (keep in mind he was doing these sib's prior to no meds), but then he got up from the game, went outside and got the mail from the mailbox, came back in the house, and turned off the game, and watched TV instead.

*blink blink* I know.

Another example? I received word from Jaysen's camp counselor that while at the park... "Jaysen was threatened by another (non-camper) boy. Jaysen handled the situation wonderfully."

*huge proud cheesy grin*

Keep him in your thoughts as we fare through this interesting trial!

Found!

2010-06-23T21:05:00.001-04:00

And this is why I'm a Daddy's Girl...

Thank you, Dad...

I love you!

And...then you have days like these...

2010-06-14T20:52:00.003-04:00

"Jaysen, are you ready for bath?"

"Yes. I want to relax...you don't come in."

Awww...kid wants to relax in privacy...

~Fast forward about 10 minutes~

*clink, clank*

"Uhh... Jaysen? You okay in there?"

"Yes. I inna baff."

"I don't hear water, are you sure you're in the bath?"

"Yes inna baff..." *clink clank*

Knocking as I'm opening the door, only to find standing on a step stool at the mirror... my naked sparkling son, with all of my necklaces on, trying on my rings, smelling like grape Hello Kitty body spray.

I didn't know whether to laugh out loud, or try to hold it all in.

Then he told me he used my deodorant.

So I started cracking up.

And he did too.

'Inna baff' my arse...
Ahhh... I love our bonding days.

SIBs suck.

2010-06-11T19:26:00.011-04:00

Some of you will immediately recognize the following.
Others, I hope will understand why sometimes the circles under my eyes are so dark, or why I may seem preoccupied...

What would you do...... if you noticed marks on your child's body like this?

Or this?.........

Now.....what if the marks were self-inflicted?

No matter how seasoned I become as a parent, SIBs (Self Injurious Behaviors) are still one of the most heart-wrenching things for me to witness. This is not the first time for us, nor is it the last, but it never gets easier no matter how many times you bear witness to your child self harming.

Jaysen's frustration and anxiety, coupled with his inability to self-regulate, create an emotional abattoir to which the only acceptable release is to launch into a physical attack on himself. Usually the incidents are short-lived, but with repeated blows, he carries the bruises for days, if not weeks.

My heart carries the trauma much longer.

The part that tears me apart is, I am utterly helpless. I can't help him. I can't stop him. I can't make it better, or take the pain away. I can only try to keep him safe at the time. Try to make sure there is as minimal damage inflicted as possible.

Because I know I am not alone in dealing with this...

Extra love to you all dealing with the same.

Sweet surprise

2010-06-08T20:19:00.008-04:00

I've said before, how although I may have never met my blog friends in real life, they are truly friends. When in the midst of a seemingly-endless dark chasm, out shines a brilliant ray of sunshine...that's a friend.

Friends just "know" when something's wrong.
Friends support you when you feel weak.
Friends help pick you up when you are down.
Friends help you see the light when you feel surrounded by darkness.
Friends send you gourmet hand dipped chocolate covered strawberries.....

Oh yes...they do...

Joeymom is the best. No, really, she is as awesome as they come.
Sure, she has a rockin' blog, but more importantly, she is genuine.
I love her.
And not in a creepy mom-crush way.
Okay, maybe a little like that.
Or it could be the pain-meds talking.

Anybuzz, she also told me I didn't have to share.
So I'm not.

Thank you, Joeymom!!!!!
You totally and absolutely made my day.

Thank you for just "knowing".

Back to the OR... update

2010-06-03T20:26:00.004-04:00

Well.... I wish I had some good news to report, but it seems my black cloud o' doom has morphed into a vortex.

A few weeks back when gouged my hand on the lid to a can of green beans? Yeah. Apparently I severed the ulnar nerve. Come to find out that not only is that not a good thing, it is actually quite the opposite of a good thing.

I found all of this out yesterday. I go in for surgery tomorrow.
Quick? Yes. Opposite of good.
The surgery is in hopes to reattach the nerve. This in turn, is in hopes of returning "protective sensation" to my hand- meaning the ability to discern hot and cold. Helpful, but I'd really like some function back. And to take away the pain from the neuroma. That would be nice too.

But noooooo!.....
Because I do things grandiose, I was also diagnosed with CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome), formerly known as RSD. In a nutshell, this means my nerve and brain are not communicating, and if something touches my hand, my brain tells my entire body that it is in pain. Literally. The doc tapped my hand, and I jumped out of my chair at the electric lightening bolt that coursed up my left arm, through my chest, and down my right arm. I told the doc that whoever came up with that test was an asshole, and I wasn't sure I really liked him anymore either. It didn't matter because the shiz is permanent. Which made my day so much, I cried tears of joy. That wasn't joy? Oh. Then I must have been crying for reals because permanent pain? Who wouldn't love that?

The surgery will not restore function or feeling (other than hot/cold) to my hand area, but it will hopefully alleviate the pain. OR.... it could make the pain, Teh Pain. Teh Pain sucks. I could develop full blown CRPS, which I know is horrible, because Dollface developed it after her surgery. This is where the hand changes colors, textures, and is so sensitive to anything that even air blowing across it, sends you into extreme pain overload. And?... I'm high risk. Not everyone gets full blown CRPS, but it affects mostly women, and even more so emotional women. I'm so screwed. Since they are aware that I am high risk, I'll be monitored closely. If I do start to develop symptoms, they will haul my ass into PT and attempt desensitization. Fabulous.

I have to have the surgery- I can't have a severed nerve just chillin' in my hand. And my docs (first and second opinions) both think the benefits outweigh the risks, and I am trusting them. So. Once again, I am calling on you, my lovely readers and friends, for your positive thoughts.

I will update when I am able.
Wish me luck and stay away from evil cans of green beans!

And somebody please find that damn voodoo doll...

*******UPDATE*******

Surgery went well- Once he got in there, he found my nerve had wrapped itself around, and attached to, a vein and a ligament. Sounds pretty gruesome. Other than that, everything went according to plan. Jaysen is still processing, but I think the huge wrapping and sling are giving him the visual cues he needs. Lol.

Like dis...

Persistance really does pay off.

2010-05-20T19:18:00.002-04:00

Four years!
It took four years, but LOOK what I found in Jaysen's lunch box!...

Peeps. Are you able to comprehend the magnitude of this feat?!?
My child...my food-issue child...actually ATE an apple.
By his own free will.
I know!
Take a minute to catch your breath because yesterday, there was THIS...

I know!
And just when you thought it couldn't get any better...
Today!...

Alright, so he didn't do as good of a job on today's, but still.
This is huge.
Jaysen, I am so proud of you!

As far as the rest of that apple...
Enter the clean up crew.

Bon appetit!

It's getting dark in here.

2010-05-11T10:27:00.005-04:00

I can't seem to find the time lately, to stay up on posting.
I read all of your blogs, yet can't find the energy to make entries on this one.
Ugh.

There's a lot of things going on now- most of them not very good.
For example, my kids have been abducted by aliens and replaced with sassy, back-talking, fighting, aggressive heathens. Jaysen is losing his freakin' mind and Rylan is following in the footsteps of his big brother.

The.Effing.Games.
Jaysen is obsessed with getting a Gameboy Color, now.
Apparently, he neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds one.
Or he may die.
Or hate me for life.

He has a Wii and a DS, so said child is by no means deprived.
The Gameboy is relatively cheap (used), but I have no idea how much the games are.
The kicker is, he just wants it for one game.
Mario something-or-other.
That he has for the DS, but it's available for a Gameboy, so now he wants to play it on a Gameboy.

I do not want to purchase a Gameboy just so he can play this one game.

Reason number two is, The Games? They bring out The Crazy in him.
Seriously.
If he is playing a game and something doesn't go as planned, this boy will Lose.His.Shit.
He's going to give himself a stroke.

He starts tantrumming, redfaced, screaming, tears, jumping up and down like the Holy Ghost is in him, and becomes self-injurious and destructive. He's even starting to leave bruises on his face from the SIBs. And they're way more intense than before.

It's not a typical Jaysen-ASD-style-Tantrum though. These are quick. Almost out of nowhere. An intense burst of raw anger. So much anger. So out of control.
It's not only no fun, it's scary.
I know it's coming from somewhere- that he's trying to tell me something that I'm just not connecting with- but I'm at such a loss.

He's also been acting out in school, destroying things when he gets angry or upset, so it's pretty much across the board, and not just at home.

The only thing I got for Mother's Day, was a painting he did in school.
Yesterday, he ripped it to shreds because I told him he needed to calm down if he wanted to continue his Wii game.

Nice, thanks.

My hand is killing me.
You cannot even imagine how much this nerve damage stuff hurts.
So now I have to deal with The Crazy, on top of The Frankenhand.

I am holding fast to the idea that there is someone out there who has a voodoo doll of me, and is abusing the hell out of it.

If you see them, please poke them with sticks until they stop.
I would totally do it for you.

Mommy~dearest now with Frankenhand grip! Order now and receive 6 stitches free!

2010-05-05T11:51:00.007-04:00

Mercury is obviously retrograde- but it's getting more difficult to tell, because it seems I just can't catch a break. Ever. Like not since 1978 or so.

Maybe all this craptastic stuff is happening for a reason.

Maybe I'm going to be rewarded with something huge.

Or maybe it's a sign I should resign this blog.

Maybe someone cursed me.

Whatever's going on, it needs to stop.

Because really?

I was just trying to open a can of green beans, not audition as a Gorefest 2010 hand model.

Behold The Frankenhand...

Am sexxxy to even the undead now.

Crickets

2010-04-30T21:04:00.002-04:00

I'm still here. I think. Just haven't had much time (or energy) to write.
The bright side is that although the kids are whoopin' my arse, there hasn't been much to report, so that's good news, right?

Keeping it real, the kids are berzerker.
Like, omg-who-is-slipping-them-energy-drinks-behind-my-back kind of berzerker.
The Fighting. I cannot take The Fighting.
And I would like to personally thank those who taught my children the finer points of The Whining. They are professionals now. Probably black belts.

I do not know which is worse- The Fighting, or The Whining.
They both drive me batshit insane.

As if my emotional zombies weren't enough, I am completely fatigued from the surgery. It was over a month ago, but I guess the fatigue can last for up to a year? Yeah, thanks for that little forewarning there, guys! Ugh.

I'd bitch more, but I.Am.Exhausted.
Hope to post more regularly soon...

Carnival's up!

2010-04-25T20:36:00.001-04:00

Pssst...
Go check out the blog carnival over at TherExtras.

CafePress and Autism awareness efforts

2010-04-22T09:48:00.003-04:00

I'm torn.
I love CafePress. I mean love.
I have many of their products.
CafePress is having a promotion in acknowledgement of Autism Awareness month.
A portion of the proceeds for their "Autism gear" will go to Autism Speaks.
Yeah, Autism Speaks.

At first, I was all "heck no, I can't support that".
Then I was all "I wonder why they chose Autism Speaks"?
Now I'm all "I wonder if they even know anything about Autism Speaks versus any other Autism organization such as the ASAN or Autism Society?"

I've decided to post this anyway, because as an Autism advocate, I feel it is my job to help educate. I sent a response email to the woman who originally contacted me, asking why CafePress decided to support Autism Speaks (among other things). Sadly, I have not received a response as of yet.

So.
You may support Autism Speaks. You may not.
It's obviously your choice to make.
It's also your choice whether to buy from CafePress during this promotion or not.
Maybe even shoot them an email. I did.

Carnivals and coffee!

2010-04-20T16:10:00.003-04:00

She did it again!
That silly woman over at TherExtras let me into another one of her Blog Carnivals.
Still no cotton candy... Barbara, are you listening?????

Anyway, Barbara is awesome. She's a therapist, who should probably have a newly founded credential, because she does it all- PT, OT, and although she probably doesn't realize it- SW. And she's smart. And opinionated. And a mom. All wrapped up into a crispy tempura...oh wait- that was my lunch.

I know doods, she totally let me in on her own accord.
I didn't have to buy a ticket or anything.

The topic of the Carnival is Childhood Expressions. So I am reposting two submissions of stuff my kid says that make my face squish up all funny, then I "get it".

New Math
Jaysen: "Let Rylan come out and play with us!"
Me: "No...he just had a bath, and I don't want him to get all dirty. Plus, it's his bedtime."
Jaysen: "Equals what?"
Me: ...huh?
Jaysen: "Equals what?"

Plus it's his bedtime. Got it.

The Case of the Mysterious Thumb-Foot
Jaysen has a hangnail on his big toe. He won't let me try to "get" it, for fear it will hurt worse, so for the last three days, he has been through a battalion of Spongebob band-aids. This morning, he was awkwardly bent over his foot.

"Jaysen, what are you doing?"
"I'm putting Spongebob on my thumb-foot."
His thumb-foot? Ah... I got it.

If you want to read more about the crazy stuff that comes out of my kid's mouth, click the "Jaysen-ish" link on my sidebar.

Be sure to stop by TherExtras and say hi to Barbara!
Tell her mommy~dearest sent you! I hear she has some new tattoos!
Oh wait, that's a rumor I made up about her. Okay, forget the tattoo.
Touche Barbara! Love you and have a great carnival!

I??? Am totally laying off the coffee now...

Honest Scrap Award

2010-04-18T20:51:00.006-04:00

Mom2spiritedboy at Spirited Blessings tagged me for this award- thank you, thank you, thank you! At least someone still loves me...

I present you with... oh wait. I need to post Teh Rulz first. *sigh* alright.

1- Brag about the award.
2- Include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger.
3- Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content.
4- Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.
5- List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

Got it? Let's proceed.

10 honest things about me. Well, I'm going to bite on mom2spirited boy and list 10 random (but honest) things.

1- I became peeved that I couldn't just copy and paste Teh Rulz from mom2spiritedboy's blog. I had to actually type them out.

2- I am a natural born cynic (hey- the world needs us too!). Which also makes me a great "devil's advocate" to bounce stuff off of.

3- When I was about 2 or 3 years old, I was pretending to be a surgeon, so I stuck a pair of tweezers into an electrical outlet. Big *boom*, burned my hands- parents had to call the fire dept and everything.

4- I have a love for books. Like serious love for books. I will probably never own a Kindle because part of the whole reading experience for me, is the feel of the book itself.

5- Although I make up my own funkilated words and end sentences in prepositions, I really am a spelling and grammar junkie. It irritates the hell out of me when I see things like "alot" and "could of". In 6th grade, I won the school spelling bee, beating out the 7th and 8th graders. I went on to the State spelling bee, where I lost out to the word "afoul".

6- I have an extreme fear of public speaking. Extreme. Think social phobia. Which is one reason I lost out on the word "afoul". I took a college class in Sign Language when I was in high school- I skipped the final exam because we had to Sign in front of the class.

7- I tend to get into craptastic relationships because I have the bird with the broken wing syndrome.

8- I originally wanted to be a veterinarian. Somewhere down the road, I switched to wanting to be a speech pathologist. I started college with an OT major, toyed with the idea of switching to Linguistics, and eventually graduated with a Bachelors in Sign Language Studies. I wish I would have taken the chance on linguistics, although my dream job would be as an advocate.

9- If I have a semi-full bladder, I pee when I sneeze. Thanks, Rylan.

10- I busted out my 2 front teeth in high school, trying to show off my diving skills. Smacked my face on the bottom of the swimming pool. Was mortified. They're bonded, but I still can't drink red wine or bite into an apple.

11- I have 6 tattoos and 10 piercings. I married my tattoo artist (Jaysen's father) he got me into doing body piercings. I was a professional piercer for almost 10 years. I wished I could have done it full time, but there's no insurance.

12- I'm adopted, and I'm proud of it. I have the most wonderful parents. Love you Moppi and Peepa! It does irritate me when people ask me who my parents are after I've told them Moppi and Peepa, and they say real slowly "nooo... your real parents", or argue with me that my sister is actually my "step" sister. Um...no...you're just a moron.

13- My favorite number is 13.

So there you go. Sorry they're not as interesting as maybe you were expecting, but I'm really quite boring. Just apparently did a lot of stupid shiz in high school. Haha.

And... I tag...

YOU!

There is no word for just how nasty THAT is...

2010-04-14T11:17:00.006-04:00

I have to share.
My sister has had a sinus infection, and just finished her antibiotics.
She just emailed me, wanting to know if she should go back to the doctor because of what she blew out of her nose.

Her email subject line was: What is this?

I hid it behind a link just because OMG.
Nasty Shit Outta Sissy's Nose

Try it. You'll like it. Or barf.
Either way... yes Sissy.
Call the doctor- and let them know you just blew 10 I.Q. points into a kleenex.

Not all suckage is bad.

2010-04-04T20:58:00.004-04:00

I cannot lie. I am loving my time off from work. Loving it like I-need-to-find-a-rich-husband-so-I-can-be-a-SAHM kind of loving it. I've gotten to see both boy's swim classes, Rylan's music class, been available for Jaysen's school needs, and even gotten to nap. Nap! I know! So please pardon that I've been missing in action, but I've really just been focusing on...me. Enjoying myself (even though I was healing from surgery), and also doing a lot of introspection.
Snapping back to reality, I go back to work on Friday.

And I quit smoking. Again. Which sucks.
I figured now would be a good time, since I was at home on painkillers, and could just sleep when I wanted one- which is exactly what I did. It's funny though- I don't know my actual quit date, since I was so out of it. Whatever. It still sucks.

But here's something that doesn't suck...

Rylan's 3 and a half. He still has a pacifier. His "paci". He really only uses it at home while relaxing or sleeping, but when I say he uses it, he really uses it. That kid sucks on that paci harder than... well, you get the idea.

So it's time to rid him of the paci.

We decided to have a Paci Party. I got decorations and a cake, Moppi and Peepa brought in a wonderful dinner. After dinner, we helped Rylan put all of his pacis into a big manila envelope. he said he wanted to send them into outer space, so I addressed the envelope accordingly. We tied the last paci onto the string of a balloon.

After cake, we all went outside and Rylan put the package into the mailbox. Then he released the balloon and we watched as his last paci floated up, up, up, up... and got stuck in our neighbor's tree. Oh yes- stuck in the damn tree. Luckily, the tree was so high, only the adults realized what happened. As long as the kids don't look too far up, it'll be okay.

He's had a rough couple nights, but it's getting better.
I totally know the withdrawal he's going through.
We're detoxing together.
Now that's love.

The preparation:

Into the mailbox it goes:

The send off:

Running for the paci- second thought anxiety?

Oh shit...

So yay for Ry going to bed commando with no pacifier!

And yay for me for my um-teenth day of not smoking!

So now if you'll excuse me, I'll be enjoying my last 4 days of being temporarily unemployed- trying to figure out another surgical procedure to have, just so I can do this again. Except Jaysen is now on Spring Break. Ugh.

Checking in, be back soon!

2010-03-22T14:29:00.002-04:00

Surgery went really well.
Recovery's been a bit slower than expected.

Hope to be back soon!

Friends, a uterus, house drama, and strawberries.

2010-03-10T16:07:00.007-05:00

Just going to fill in the blanks of what's been going on at Chez Quirk lately-
Already, this has been a year of tremendous ups and downs.

My 2 best friends (only friends?) moved away- one up north, and the other clear across the country. Boo.

Anyone remember my lovely, and by "lovely" I really mean horrifyingly painful ablation experience? Yeah, well I wasn't one of the lucky 80%. So I'm having a hysterectomy (LSH). Next wednesday. Like a few days from now. Unless I'm still sick, because I now have strep. Lovely. Ugh.

Our house is still not even close to being built. Like the builder doesn't even have the permit yet. Ugh. I'm really starting to stress.

But check out my fantastonishing parenting skills-
Jaysen is putting on way too much weight.
He's now "The Jiggly Kid".

No fun.

Most of his crap-eating is at nighttime. I know. Wonderful timing.
So I mad a firm decision to limit him to ONE bedtime snack (90% of the time it's popcorn).
After said snack, he is only allowed something healthy to snack on, and water.

For those new to this blog, it's important to know that Jaysen has some pretty significant food aversions. He is the carbo-kid. Aside from the baby food I forced down his gullet, he has never, and I mean NEVER eaten a vegetable. Raw, cooked, covered in cheese, pureed, pureed and hidden in food, silly shapes, dipped in a variety of sides... I've tried it all. The times I forced- I mean coerced him, he turned red, eyes watered, and gagged. Not the gagging that you get when you brush your teeth, but gagging like holycrap I.Can't.Breathe! type gagging.

On occasion, Jaysen has been able to choke down red grapes and thinly sliced, peeled, apples.

Anyway, back to my evil plan.

The first few nights, he thought this entertaining little game of mine was a challenge of sorts, and actually went along with it. I love that he humors me. After a few nights of this, he was not amused anymore. He would get into bed, and ask for popcorn, cocoa puffs, cheese its, goldfish, or some other previously allowable bedtime snacky-type foods.

Denied.
You get fruit or veggies, and water.

He begrudgingly agreed to apples. Begrudgingly like I was making the poor kid eat sticks and rocks.

I remember back to the time my kid ate Special K red berries cereal. He wouldn't touch the cereal part, but would pick out the freeze dried strawberries. The next day, I was on a freeze dried strawberry hunt. Love you Trader Joe's!

Now, he gets into bed and says, "Can I have strawberries?"
Aaaaaaabsolutely!

Only problem is the damn things are so expensive! I mean seriously, I can only find them at the one store, and they're almost $4 a bag! And he blows through a bag a day.

So yay! He's eating "good foods" at night!

Messing with a good thing.

2010-03-03T12:44:00.003-05:00

They're trying to make me crazy.
The school district, that is.
Everything revolves around budgeting.
No money here, no funding there...
What to do...what to do...
Let's mess with the schools!

The voted on proposal that passed, was to close 4 elementary schools (that's 1/3 of our elementary schools), make the remaining elementaries K-4, have 2 middle schools for grades 5-6, and 2 more for 7-8.
Does that make any sense?
Apparently to someone it does.
*sidenote - One of the schools that's closing, is the craptastic school that treated Jaysen horribly, so... Karma, biatches! *

Jaysen has been doing so well this year, comparatively. I mean so well.
He's staying in the Gen.Ed class almost all day, and tolerating it. He has friends. He's even in an after school tutoring program one day a week.
This is the first year he's actually going to school every day without a fight.

The new plan for our schools means:
Jaysen will only have one more year at The Awesome School. And it will be a transition year, so focus will be put on transitioning, not the things he's just started to work on this year, like increasing his workload tolerance and academics. Dammit- he really needs that extra year at this school.

So. One more year at The Awesome School.
Then he'll go to middle school for 5th and 6th grade.
After 6th grade, he'll go to a different middle school for 7th and 8th grade.
Then to high school for 9th-12th.

That's 3 transitions. And I'm talking transitions in only the physical location sense. I'm not even counting the internal transitions of "new school", "new teachers, peers, classwork, routines, etc".
This is going to be hell on a kid who doesn't transition well.
As soon he gets into a routine and settled, he's going to have to completely switch schools again.
Fuk.

I need to get my advocacy cape back on.
I know this sounds bizarre, but I'm not even sure what it is exactly that I'm preparing to advocate for!
Has anyone else run into anything like this?

Pajama Jam

2010-02-26T11:54:00.003-05:00

Tonight there's a Pajama Jam at Jaysen's school. He told me this morning that he'd like to go. I am thrilled with this, as it took some goading with the promise of plastic baby cakes to get him to attend last year's Mardi Gras event.

He's excited.
He's super excited to show all of his friends his new Super Paper Mario pajamas.
The pajamas we just got, because he had to have them to replace the ones lost in the fire.
The pajamas that we got a whole size smaller than he really wears, because that's the biggest size they had. In any pajama.
The pajamas that are skin tight and show his belly.
The pajamas I am desperately trying to talk him out of wearing, with no luck at all.
He's excited.

Jaysen lacks the social awareness of knowing the difference of people laughing with him, or at him. He has "friends" who are backhandedly mean to him. Frenemies. I really don't think wearing these ill-fitting jammas are going to turn out well for him. I'm going to try and talk him into wearing a long hoodie or something, but I know he'll claim he's hot, and want to take it off. To show off his jammas that his kid brother could almost fit into. He has other Mario jammas, but these are new. And they're Super Paper Mario. And he lurvs them. He's even made sure they will be clean for tonight.

And it's not just the lack of social awareness. I remember being teased mercilessly as a kid. It can destroy a person. And it almost did. I don't want my son to be that kid. The reality is, he's going to get teased anyway. I don't want to give kids any more fuel than they already have. I do not want kids to whisper "hey- that's the kid who came to the Pajama Jam in third grade, with the jammas that his mom cut the elastic on so he could breathe...". It's like the kid with the holey underwear. Or the stinky kid. Ugh. I'm mortified already.

The silver lining?
The party is over at 8pm. When we get home, he'll already be in jammas.
Sweet.

I always feel like, somebody's waaatching meeee....

2010-02-24T20:49:00.007-05:00

Jaysen loves to google.
If you look at his left hand in the above pic, you can actually see him stimming.
He will google anything on his mind... ad nauseam.
Usually it's something to do with Mario, or Baby Einstein.

I was really hoping we were getting out of the Baby Einstein thing, but he seems to have revisited it in full force lately. But that's not the point of this post.

Jaysen recently learned how to create folders on his computer. 'Cuz he's a geek like that. He made one for Baby Einstein, so he was googling pictures of Baby Einstein VHS tapes to archive, when he came across the muthaload.

His eyes bugged out at this picture:

I thought that pic looked reeeeally familiar, so I swooped in for a closer look.
Guess where he found it?
Yep- here at The Quirk Factor.

My son had pulled up my own blog in a Google search.
How's that for some tweakiness? I totally felt like I was staring straight down the rabbit hole.

Once I pointed it out, he recognized my Lenore girl (upper left corner) and wanted to see all the pictures I had on the blog (once he realized there was not a whole lot of exciting information about Baby Einstein). I showed him how to browse by category, and we spent about an hour just looking at the pictures and revisiting memory lane. We reminisced about family vacations, and the unfabulous times when "Mom cried" because of the loss of beloved furballs like Gacy and Tiki. He also busted me on some profane language- does that say crap? Crap?!? Uh, yeah. Sorry.

This wasn't the first time he's ever seen my blog, but it's the first time he's ever found it on his own, and taken any time actually going through it. It was different, because there was a sincere interest. Despite the fact I was "outed" by my own son, we had a really good time. Now I'm thinking of how I can get him to guest post.

A whole other reason to blog.

Happy Birfday to... ME!

2010-02-22T09:53:00.003-05:00

It's my birthday!
And for those who are curious, I am twenty-seventeen.

Shut up and have some cake.

Rants of the day...

2010-02-17T15:16:00.003-05:00

I've been informed of the demolition going well, as noted by Jaysen's call to me at work.

"Mom! You're missin' it! This is awesome! You're totally missin' it! You have to see dis!"

So there's that.

Then there's this.

Today was a monumental milestone.
I found my first gray hair.
Technically, it's translucent. Void of color.
But still. Two things went through my mind.
Number one - I've managed to make it to twenty-sixteen without a single gray. I guess it was bound to happen sometime.
And number two - WTF is this doing in my eyebrow?
Yes, my eyebrow.

Meh.

D is for demolition.

2010-02-16T21:41:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is D-day.

My house will officially be coming down.

As in big huge machines will tear apart pieces of my life and memories, and throw them into dumpsters. That probably smell like rotting carcasses.

Ah well.

I suppose it's a good thing considering there's snow in my living room.

I've been trying to figure out just how much to involve the boys in this next phase. Rylan is only 3, and was pretty traumatized from the whole fire incident. But Jaysen, despite being 8, and Autism or not, kind of "got it". Rylan will not see the demo. Jaysen,, I really don't know.

I'd taken Jaysen back to the house a few times. At first, I had set stringent rules on what he could touch, not touch, where he could walk, and when he could pretty much breathe. he followed the rules every time. If there was a beloved VHS tape that he wanted to rescue, and I didn't think it was salvageable- no matter how badly he wanted that tape, he always put it back.

I've seen him react out of fear in the past. Trust me. It wasn't pretty.

This fear is different though. It's not the fight-or-flight fear. It's more of a reality-slaps-you-in-the-face, grounding fear. He was brave to go back to the house, and it became easier each time.

However.

A whole myriad of emotions arises when you think of your home being torn to pieces and discarded. I'm excited because there's finally some movement- a step in the direction of building our new home, but also the sickening feeling of everything that's still left in there, charred or not.

I probably will let him watch the demo.

He's had an active part in the whole process thus far- from rummaging through rubble (and learning what "debris" is), to helping make decisions about the new housing layout and decor.

There was a point when I didn't know if I should let him go back to the house, but my instinct was right and it ended up being a good thing for him. He really learns the best lessons from real-life situations. I just wish I could be there with him to deflect any potential anxieties.

Ugh. My house is being demolished tomorrow.

So, here's to new beginnings.

And may you never have snow in your living room.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T16:01:00.001-05:00

Wishing everyone a happy day, filled with love and lots of chocolate.

Happy (almost) Valentine's Day!

2010-02-12T08:28:00.004-05:00

Today is Jaysen's Valentine's party at school.
He was getting frustrated with me from mentioning it so much, until I joked that he might get a kiss from a girl. My mistake. Now he's all about the party. So much that he did his spelling homework with minimal argument, and then proceeded to hand write all of the valentines for his class. And he hates writing.

What was superawesomefantabulous, was that he included not only his teachers, but the other kids in the resource room. Why is this a big deal? Because Jaysen has been "afraid" of anyone with an outward physical disability. I've theorized that this is because either A) It's just unfamiliar to him, and we know how he deals with unfamiliar... and/or B) It makes him more aware that he is different from his peers. Like if they're here and I'm here, that means there's something wrong with me- line of thinking. I think I mentioned Abby before (maybe not, because I can't find a post to reference), but we had a rough time with Abby last year. She wasn't the problem- it was my kid.

Abby drools. Apparently a lot. So Jaysen decided to call her "Booger Abby". I was mortified when he explained this to me. I sat him down and had a talk about people's differences,, awareness and tolerance. We talked about things people can help and things they can't. We talked about other people's feelings, and how that would make him feel. "But she hits me!" I told him I didn't care what she did to him, and that he didn't have to be friends with her, but if he sees her in the hallway, he has to say hi, wave, or smile. And he did. He even encouraged her to jump on the trampoline when the OT couldn't get her to.

But awareness isn't the focus of this post.
Just got a bit carried away with the back story.

Outside of his classmates, guess who the first kid was that he wanted to make a valentine for? Yep. Abby! He actually thought of her without any sort of prompting or discussion. I was so proud. And happy. And proudly happy.

It was also funny that he wanted to give one to "the boy with the glasses, but I don't remember his name". And also to "Lisa". I asked if Lisa was a teacher or a student, and he said "Teacher. But I don't know her (last) name either. Just put 'Lisa', It's okay."

Alrighty then.

So, love is in the air for my Romeo.
Hope you get lots of Valentines!

An open letter to the Supreme Being of the Universe.

2010-02-08T09:31:00.004-05:00

Dear Supreme Being,

Usually, I am a firm believer in two things.
1) Everything happens for a reason, and 2) What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
But this?
Is killin' me.

I'm starting to think my fortitude is being tested, and I'm writing a formal notice that you can stop now. My limit has been reached, if not surpassed.

The house fire? Maybe I needed to start anew, with a quite literal, clean slate.
King Attitude and The Red One? The ones I affectionately call my children? Let's just say it's a good thing you made 'em so cute, because I've halted trying to barter with Gypsies on their trade. At least for the time being.

This??? This borders on just cruel.
Seriously. The only time I've ever heard of "parvo" is from dogs being sick.
You gave me a dog virus?
Maybe my lesson is I needed to know that humans can get the parvovirus too. I dunno.
What I do know is, that it sucks.
Who the heck created a virus that presents as rheumatoid arthritis?
They are pure evil.
My joints are a swollen knotty mess, and the pain. My gawd, the pain!
It's literally almost unbearable. And by unbearable, I mean I've considered going Evil Dead style and contemplated lopping off body parts with a chainsaw, just to get some relief.

And this can continue for "several weeks" to "several months"?
Thank you, but I'm done.
I've had enough.
You may stop testing me, and give me back my "normal" life.
Anytime now.
Now's good for me.

Please?

Sincerely,
Mommy~Dearest

Bully goat gruff.

2010-02-05T09:55:00.004-05:00

Jaysen has a bully.
This bully has been on his case, and in his face, for the past two years.
I have been accused of being overprotective of Jaysen, but this is not the case in this scenario.

We'll call the kid Xander.

Jaysen desperately wants to be Xander's friend.
Xander wants nothing to do with Jaysen, except harass him.

Last year, Xander would push Jaysen, shoot him dirty looks, talk about him behind his back and to his face. On one occasion, Jaysen told me to call him "Big Fat Jaysen" because that's what Xander calls him.

The Sp.Ed teacher bucked up to Xander and really laid into him, but apparently she wasn't threatening enough. Xander's been talked to by the teachers, other classmates, and the school social worker.

At the beginning of this year, Jaysen came home super-excited and told me. "Guess what, Mom?!? Xander likes me this year! We're friends in third grade!" And at first, I was happy and hopeful. That didn't last too long.

"I was nice to Xander, and he said I was a loser."
"Xander said I'm an ugly idiot."
"Xander said I'm a retard."
"Xander thinks Mario is stupid, and so am I."

It's not the name-calling that irritates that hurts my heart, it's the psychological and emotional bullshit this kid puts mine through.
Almost every day, Jaysen gives me the "Xander-report". An account of the shitty things he's done to my kid, that my kid thinks is due to something he's doing.

Lately, the deal is Jaysen wants to play with Xander at recess-
Xander tells Jaysen they'll do Rock Paper Scissors.
If Jaysen wins, he can play.
If Xander wins, Jaysen has to go away.
The battle ensues.
Jaysen wins.
Xander tells him he lost.
Jaysen comes home and says, "Xander said Paper beats Scissors, and I have to go away. He's wrong, Mom. Paper does not beat Scissors."
And my son is heartbroken...again.

On numerous occasions, I have had to reassure Jaysen that yes, Xander is wrong, that Paper does not beat Scissors, and he should have let him play. I've started to take a more realistic approach in telling Jaysen that I don't think he should play with Xander anyway, because he just doesn't seem like a nice kid.

Jaysen argues with me that Xander is nice, and he wants to play with him because he is his friend. We go around and around about what friendship is and what it is not. What it means to be nice to people, and what is not nice. He doesn't care. For whatever reason, he wants to be Xander's friend.

People. This kid is not nice. And by not nice, I really mean he just may be the spawn of Satan himself. This kid breathes fire and sleeps on a bed of rusty nails. He probably eats rabbits for breakfast. Ears and all.

I wish Xander would just tell Jaysen he doesn't like him and does not want to be his friend. But no, he's using Jaysen's desire for his friendship to totally belittle and humiliate him. And my kid can't, or just refuses to believe it. We've had problems with bullies in the past, but Jaysen has written them off as "he's a mean kid, and I don't like him". Xander? He will defend til the end.

I really don't want to call Xander's parents, because I worry that will fuel the fire. Would it? I know it would have when I was a kid. We did not want Mom to make that call and fight our battles for us. That would be the ultimate embarrassment. I would happily take the ass-pummelling thank you. Jaysen's already getting teased for the verbal flaying his teacher laid on Xander- I don't know if I want to take the chance on making matters worse.

But this is my kid. And I "fight" differently than my mom.
'Cuz I'm mean.
And while I desperately want to give my kid some really good lines for his arsenal... I know I shouldn't.
I don't know if I could see this kid and not punk him down.
Well, I probably could harness my chi enough not to excoriate the little shit, but I couldn't promise I wouldn't construct a voodoo doll later.

Um...yeah.

2010-01-26T21:01:00.006-05:00

When I discovered just how literal people with Autism could be, I made a parental vow. I vowed that I would never lie to my son. I really just thought I would rather not confuse him, and keep things real.

Sure it could get sticky with all the wondrous magic of childhood, but really? I grew up without Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, and I turned out okay. Alright, it's debatable.

Anyhoo, I've managed to keep that vow by creative explanations and good ol' fashioned deception.
Jaysen asked me this year if Santa was real. My response to him was "What do you think?" To which he replied "I dunno" and he left it with that.
While I evaded, I did not lie.

Yup. I'm not going to lie to my kid.
Boy...am I regretting that decision at this moment.
(This has nothing to do with Santa, bytheway)

While I've been very open and upfront with body parts and their names and functions, here's a conversation I never thought I would have with my 8 year old son.

*note to the squeamish- turn back now. For those of you whom like to see me writhe, read on.*

I'm in the bathroom minding, well doing, my business. The door opens and Jaysen walks in- 'cuz that's just how I roll. If the door is locked, it's probably more business than I care to share with anyone. But it wasn't that kind of business.

Jaysen: Mom? What's dat ting?
Me: What thing, honey?
Jaysen: Dat... ting. Da ting you put in dere. (pointing to my panty-entangled knees)
Me: *ohcrap* I don't know what you mean, sweetie. Did you finish your DS game?
Jaysen: Mom. Dat ting! You frow it inna toilet.
Me: Bear. I can guarantee you there is nothing in the toilet except pee and toilet paper.
Jaysen: *sigh* like dis, Mom... *my son proceeds to draw a long rectangle in the air with his finger, then does a little squat and slaps his hand in between his legs*
Me: ......... *note- I am not on my period, so this is catching me way off-guard*
Jaysen: What's dat ting?
Me: Oh. That's just a pad. Are you ready for jammas?
Jaysen: What's a pad?
Me: .........
Jaysen: It's like dis. *repeats drawing in air, complete with crotch slap*
Me: Yeah.... Jaysen, I don't know if I want to tell you. I mean, I can tell you, but it's kinda gross. If you really want to know, I'll tell you. I think. Maybe.
Jaysen: Yes! I wanna know!
Me: *mentally looking for any out possible* Are you sure? You really have to listen.
Jaysen: Yes, Mom. I really wanna know.
Me: Okay... see, when kids start to become adults, there's a thing called puberty.
Jaysen: What's dat?
Me: Puberty means different things to different people. Boys may start to grow hair on their lip, girls may start to get breasts, both boys and girls may start to get hair on their legs and armpits. Are you sure you really want to know? You have to pay attention if you're making me do this.
Jaysen: *laughing* Okay.
Me: So, one thing that happens to a girl, is she gets what's called her period. *waiting for the lightbulb to come on...hoping this is enough...crap, it's not coming on* A period is when a girl bleeds from her vagina.
Jaysen: *eyes as big as Jupiter* Gasp! Oh no!
Me: It's okay, it doesn't hurt the girl (okay, so maybe I do lie to him). But that's why we use pads and tampons.
Jaysen: What's a tampon?
Me: *why do I never know when to shut my mouf?* Same thing as a pad.
Jaysen: Mom? Boys get periods?
Me: No, sweetie. Only girls.
Jaysen: Whoo-hoo!
Me: *yeah, no shit*

So, if you have boys and thought you were safe from this conversation... think again.

*And for the record, I do not throw any of the aforementioned supplementary aids into the toilet*

Thank you for not going all enviro-crazy.

How all IEP's should go...

2010-01-23T20:04:00.004-05:00

Ahh... Jaysen's IEP.
Have I mentioned how much I lurve this school?

Even my dad was amazed.
He's been my "note taker" at Jaysen's IEP's since the beginning. When we left, he was shocked that he only had a half page of notes. He had turned back in his notebook, and counted 16 pages from an IEP at the crapalicious school.

We did the MET and the IEP, and were out in 2 hours. I've had IEP meetings last 6 months.

I honestly feel for parents out there, fighting these battles for their children's education. I was there. I fought a losing battle in vain. But this school's Team, is a team. And I am absolutely a part of it. Every person on that team has Jaysen's best interest at heart, and I can't even describe that feeling.

The psychologist presented charts that show Jaysen's progress. He's spending more time in Gen.Ed, only coming out for his scheduled Resource Room time and therapy time. His physical aggression has decreased greatly- so much so that now the next step is to work on the verbal outbursts (screaming, crying, disruption, etc).

Even though he's making such progress this year, his services stay. Every one of them.
That is awesome.
It takes a good system to realise that you don't pull supports at the first signs of improvement.

And it's not like Jaysen turned into this WonderKid. There are definitely weaknesses and issues, but they were presented in a concerned manner, not a blaming or threatening one. We discussed them, and everyone presented their thoughts about them. Then we agreed on a plan to best address them.

I was going to ask for more OT, to address Jaysen's self-regulation issues (or lack thereof), but his goals were tweaked to include that from the superfantastical social worker. I don't really care who provides the support, as long as it's provided from a competent individual. So I was happy with that. Compromise really does happen!
And the best, best part? All of the updated goals were implemented that very same day.
I know!

I did get one nugget of bad news though. They're closing some schools in our district, and while Jaysen's school isn't scheduled to close, it will bring in tons of other kids to his school. His Sp.Ed teacher is allowed 18 kids on her caseload. She has 12 now. She feels strongly about keeping Jaysen on her caseload (love this teacher!), but she broke it to me that this may mean he will not be able to go to the middle school following this elementary. We would have to go back to our "home" school, which I will fight with Xena armor.

Home is still a little different of a story-
I'm still trying to figure out when my son became such a moody whiner?
Seriously, this kid is crabbin' ALL the time.
I swear he has PMS.

Things my son says, part 3.14

2010-01-21T20:46:00.004-05:00

The scenario: McDonald's playplace. Jaysen and I are ready to go. Rylan doesn't want to leave.

"Okay Jaysen, we need a plan".
"Kay."
"Here's the plan. When Rylan comes down the slide, you grab him and I'll whip his coat on".
"Yeah! And if Plan A fails, we're gonna bust out with Plan B!"
"...?!?..."

Did my son just say "We're gonna bust out with Plan B?"
Hahahahaaaa.....

Vote! Vote! Vote!

2010-01-19T14:51:00.003-05:00

The Friendship Circle is a wonderful organization.
My son receives services from there- his mentor? Friendship Circle.
Recently acquired bubble-tube? Friendship Circle.
Sensory rooms for drop in? Friendship Circle.
Social skill groups? Friendship Circle.
Place of 100% acceptance? Friendship Circle.

They offer so many services, for kids of all ages and abilities- they even have services for non-disabled siblings. It's difficult to even begin to tell you how awesome this place is.

Here's a link the their website so you can see their awesomeness: Friendship Circle

And now... the Friendship Circle is in a contest to will big buckeroos from Chase Bank.
Please go here and help them win! Voting ends January 22, so go there now. Now! :)

Jaysen, and all of the other kids that benefit from this wonderful place, thank you!