Jaysen has a bully.
This bully has been on his case, and in his face, for the past two years.
I have been accused of being overprotective of Jaysen, but this is not the case in this scenario.
We'll call the kid Xander.
Jaysen desperately wants to be Xander's friend.
Xander wants nothing to do with Jaysen, except harass him.
Last year, Xander would push Jaysen, shoot him dirty looks, talk about him behind his back and to his face. On one occasion, Jaysen told me to call him "Big Fat Jaysen" because that's what Xander calls him.
The Sp.Ed teacher bucked up to Xander and really laid into him, but apparently she wasn't threatening enough. Xander's been talked to by the teachers, other classmates, and the school social worker.
At the beginning of this year, Jaysen came home super-excited and told me. "Guess what, Mom?!? Xander likes me this year! We're friends in third grade!" And at first, I was happy and hopeful. That didn't last too long.
"I was nice to Xander, and he said I was a loser."
"Xander said I'm an ugly idiot."
"Xander said I'm a retard."
"Xander thinks Mario is stupid, and so am I."
It's not the name-calling that irritates that hurts my heart, it's the psychological and emotional bullshit this kid puts mine through.
Almost every day, Jaysen gives me the "Xander-report". An account of the shitty things he's done to my kid, that my kid thinks is due to something he's doing.
Lately, the deal is Jaysen wants to play with Xander at recess-
Xander tells Jaysen they'll do Rock Paper Scissors.
If Jaysen wins, he can play.
If Xander wins, Jaysen has to go away.
The battle ensues.
Xander tells him he lost.
Jaysen comes home and says, "Xander said Paper beats Scissors, and I have to go away. He's wrong, Mom. Paper does not beat Scissors."
And my son is heartbroken...again.
On numerous occasions, I have had to reassure Jaysen that yes, Xander is wrong, that Paper does not beat Scissors, and he should have let him play. I've started to take a more realistic approach in telling Jaysen that I don't think he should play with Xander anyway, because he just doesn't seem like a nice kid.
Jaysen argues with me that Xander is nice, and he wants to play with him because he is his friend. We go around and around about what friendship is and what it is not. What it means to be nice to people, and what is not nice. He doesn't care. For whatever reason, he wants to be Xander's friend.
People. This kid is not nice. And by not nice, I really mean he just may be the spawn of Satan himself. This kid breathes fire and sleeps on a bed of rusty nails. He probably eats rabbits for breakfast. Ears and all.
I wish Xander would just tell Jaysen he doesn't like him and does not want to be his friend. But no, he's using Jaysen's desire for his friendship to totally belittle and humiliate him. And my kid can't, or just refuses to believe it. We've had problems with bullies in the past, but Jaysen has written them off as "he's a mean kid, and I don't like him". Xander? He will defend til the end.
I really don't want to call Xander's parents, because I worry that will fuel the fire. Would it? I know it would have when I was a kid. We did not want Mom to make that call and fight our battles for us. That would be the ultimate embarrassment. I would happily take the ass-pummelling thank you. Jaysen's already getting teased for the verbal flaying his teacher laid on Xander- I don't know if I want to take the chance on making matters worse.
But this is my kid. And I "fight" differently than my mom.
'Cuz I'm mean.
And while I desperately want to give my kid some really good lines for his arsenal... I know I shouldn't.
I don't know if I could see this kid and not punk him down.
Well, I probably could harness my chi enough not to excoriate the little shit, but I couldn't promise I wouldn't construct a voodoo doll later.