Friday, October 3, 2008

I feel a healin' coming on.

I have tried so hard to suppress what I am about to post, but it's just not working.

*Disclaimer- I truly mean no offense to anyone here. If you are easily offended by religious parody, please stop reading not and come back another day.*

Barbara at TherExtras is hosting a blog carnival on October 6th- the topic is Healing. I cannot resist. I have a game that I play with my kids.

We call it Faith Healer.

How do you play?
I'm so glad you asked, fellow heathen. Checkitout.

First- position child of choice standing on bed. If child is tall enough, they may stand in front of bed or couch.

Raise your hand high in the air and announce child's affliction. Use your best Television Evangelist voice.
Example: If yooou have a dirty face... and are suffering from did-not-use-my-napkin-at-dinner-tonight... and are covered in ketchupy crumbity eeeee-vile... come forth to me now.

Deliver your message.
Example: My son. I can seeeee that you are afflicted. I can seeee that you have... the dirty face. Can I get a witness?

Arch back and raise hand into air, hooting and hollering a bit.

You: Okay child, now repeat after me (bonus if child has echolalic tendencies)
Don't forget to raise your arm, shimmy hand around and undulate (yes, undulate) into the air with each exclamation.

You: Hallelujah!
Child: Halla-loola!

You: I said Hallelujah!
Child: Halla-yoola!

You: Glory Be!
Child: Glory Be!

You: Mekka-lekka-hi-mekka-heiney-ho!
Child: Mekka-lucky-mucky-mo!

You: Hal-le-luuuu-jah!
Child: Ha-lay-looooooooola!

You: Can I get a what-what?!
Child: Can I what!

You: I feel it child! I feel...(quietly) a healin'.

Blasphemous child is laughing hysterically by now.
Continue shaking your hand, bringing it closer to your victim, er child.

You: By the Holy waters of the Holiest Bathtub... and all that is soapy and good... walk with me in the beauty of all that is clean. I condemn that dirty face-ed-ness of eeeee-vile, and you...will be...(dramatic pause)...HEALED!

Smack said child in forehead and send them backward onto the bed.
Be prepared to do this repeatedly.

I started this as a joke when Jaysen was 2 years old (and often afflicted with "stinky-diaper-pants). He still loves to play it to this day. Nowadays, i just have to raise my hand and give him that "I feel a healin' " look, and he runs and jumps on my bed laughing. I also ask him what his affliction is since he's a big boy now and can think of what he needs cleansing of. usually it's "I stink" or "My unnerwear is tight" or something like that.

I do have to caution you though, when the kids try to heal you. Especially the younger ones- they'll often try to heal you with things like firetrucks and sippy cups.

I have tried this game with adults too, but they just don't get into it like the kids. Go figure.

And just to clear up any misconceptions-
this isn't the only thing I'm probably going to hell for.

18 comments:

Jackie said...

Sounds like a pretty awesome game to me. I'm only mad I didn't think of it myself.

mommy~dearest said...

That's because you are a blasphemous sinner too, and I will be happy to save you a roasted marshmallow.

Static Mom said...

They already kicked me out of hell for selling sno cones.

therextras said...

I gotta hand it to you, m~d, you got acorns. Sigh. I could try to suppress including this, but my hands are on the keyboard instead under my ischial tuberosities.

Laughter is healing so I will have to work it in - with some warning to ward off easily offended p**tac*s**ls.

You are a good blaspheming Mom! Your next task is to design a blog award for that. Thanks so much!
Barbara

Stimey said...

All the cool kids are going to be in hell. I have a feeling my kids would love this.

Also, I love this: "Bonus if child has echolalic tendencies."

There are silver linings everywhere.

Marla said...

I love this! I think M would get into that as well. M loved it when I smell her feet and say, "Ah! Stinky feet!" and push her feet away from me. She will ask me to do it again and again. Now that she has outgrown that I have to play it with my friends toddlers. I wonder what my friends would think if I played this game with their kids? ;) I have a feeling they would get a kick out of it.

Casdok said...

Can you heal me please?!

Marshella said...

Love it - I've used the voice before, just haven't pulled the full effect. I'll have to try it - Deklan will love it too.

Lora said...

You are a HOOT!!!!!! Just what I needed today, a really good laugh....thank you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment about my son being abused in his (former) school.

I will try my best to continue to submit entries but home schooling is kicking my butt! Gotta love it though. Also I will try to check back with you from time to time....when I have time (ha ha) and see how you guys are doing.

Take care and keep the laughter going, boy, does it help us get through the tough stuff!

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Hilarious! Did you try that on Jaysen's leg last week?

JoyMama said...

OK, first time I leave a comment on your blog & I'm wipin' coffee off the screen! (Came here from the healing carnival).

Thank you for the belly laugh!!

you gotta wonder said...

Very creative! And quite humorous! God has a sense of humor, so keep the faith. :)

rainbowmummy said...

LOVE IT!!

Terri said...

HI-larious!!!

kia (good enough mama) said...

At this point, I have no idea where I stand religiously. Hubby, however is a devoted Christian and still plays these healing games with Little Man. I think it's hilarious! We too do the standing on the bed thing and Hubby puts his hand on Little Man's forehead, proclaims him "Healed!", then proceeds to push LM backward onto the bed. Lots of shits and giggles ensue. Fun times, baby!!

Mama Mara said...

I wanna belong to the Quirk Factor Church! Save me, mommy~dearest!

Quirky Mom said...

Ohhh, could you save me one of those marshmallows? PLEASE? I'll give that a hallelujah!

Osh said...

laughing so hard at this...for some reason I did this but put my hand on Evan's head and said

"just say MAYONNAISE and you shall be healed"

no idea why mayonnaise was gonna heal him, we like Miracle Whip.