Monday, September 15, 2008

Sunday's crappenings

The grand-parental foursome (y'know, in-laws, out-laws, alla parents) decided to take the boys to an all day affair at the cider mill. Well, with all the rain, those plans crapped out. Shit- I have to explain to Jaysen that he's not going to the cider mill that I pumped up for him, bribing his interest with the promise of donuts. I hate this.

Deed done, my mom phoned saying I could drop the boys off at 11am, at her house. Okay- now I have to sell Jaysen on going to Moppi's house. Yes, you can play the computer, blah blah.

As soon as he was convinced, she called again, saying she would pick them up at noon to go with her running errands and such. OMG- here we go again...

I slightly lost my temper (remember I'm not smoking, so I'm quicker to blow lately). I explained that she needed to stop changing the plans because this was all going to end up in a meltdown eventually. Her effort to give me a break from the kids was stressing me out like a nicotine deprived bitch from hell (oh wait...I am a nicotine deprived bitch from hell...).

*Ding dong*
Who in the world would be at the door this early on a Sun...oh no...
The Jehovas.
I opened the door with a sincere smile, and politely explained to the cute girl that after reading over the literature she had left (lie), I just don't think I'm interested. She seemed bummed, and I thanked her for her time and efforts, and wished them well.

I dropped the boys off at my parents' at 11am, like plan B. What she did with them after that was not my issue.

Ahhh... so what does one do with no little 'uns? Laundry of course!
Carry basket down the stairs, load washer.
Go back up for basket #2.
Bring basket #2 down, switch load #1 into dryer.
Go up to collect basket #3.
Bring basket #3 down, notice familiar spot that leaks water every time it rains, throw towel over it.
Load #1 out of dryer, load #2 in dryer, load #3 in washer.
Return with load #4. Notice water spot is a bit bigger than usual. Lotta rain.
Throw another towel over it.
Bring Loads #1 and #2 upstairs to fold.
Whew.

Kids home, dinner accomplished, I sauntered to the basement to get the remaining laundry baskets to bring upstairs (yes, I procrastinate on my folding).

OH HOLY JEEBUS IN TUBE SOCKS!
WTF is a swimmin' hole doing in my basement!?!?!

The basement was flooded. Flooded. That familiar little pool of water had turned into 5 inches of water covering the whole entire basement floor! Wanna know the best part??? Tiki's litter box is in the laundry room. He frequently kicks his poo out of the litter box. My basement was flooded with cat poo water. Awesome.

My fit of surprise, shock, and profane sentiments, brought Jaysen running. He stood atop the stairs and screamed for Companion. Neither one of us knew what the hell to do, so I did what any self respecting, independent woman would do... phoned my Dad.

Peepa came over, surveyed the damage, and retrieved Geeky Neighbor. Geeky Neighbor does "geeky" proud (yes, he deserves a capital G), but he so sweet. Anyway, GN came with his shirt-tucked-into-pants-up-to-armpits (no lie), rubber waders (no lie) and a pipe wrench. They spent a long time down there, but eventually wrenched out my old water softener pipe, and the water started to drain. The water created that cyclone drain effect you sometimes get in the bathtub- when it stopped, GN was concerned because we "disrupted the vortex". No lie again. But it was cool because "the vortex was back". Whew. I was worried there, that my vortex was pissed off and left for good.

So I most likely need an uber-sump pump because apparently my house sits on enough water for an Artisan well. I may also need my basement jack-hammered up to do something with something else, that I don't quite follow. What I do know is that will be an expensive pain in the ass considering I have that old (super cool turquoise and gray) asbestos tiling. It's going to require a hazmat team in expensive zoot suits and overpriced scuba masks to tackle that one. Fan-freakin-tastic.

This morning, the basement seemed pretty well drained. Except I just got a call from Companion saying that mopping is futile until the water stops.
Fishsticks! It keeps flooding, and flooding, and flooding...


I knew I shouldn't have lied to the cute little Jehova girl.
She apparently has connections.

10 comments:

mommy~dearest said...

UPDATE: I think Campanion's brain is water-logged. Today is his birthday, and we planned to go out to dinner.

He just called me and said he wants the kids to come with us. Goodbye nice relaxing dinner, hello Coney Island and-no-you-can't-run-around-the-restaurant-unless-you-pretend-you're-someone-else's-kid.

Can't wait til' it's my birthday. I'm going to dinner alone. :)

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Wow. That sucks. Especially the part about the asbestos tiles, I've had to have asbestos removed from our house and it was a total expensive pain in the ass. Hugs to you!

Tanya Savko said...

You need a weekend to recuperate from your weekend!

Mama Mara said...

Must. Stop. Laughing. Not nice to snort in face of mommydearest's misfortunes. *hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!*
Sorry, but cat poo disaster? holy jeebus in tube socks? hazmat team in zoot suits?
You've outdone yourself with this post, mommydearest.

mommy~dearest said...

Thank you, mama mara. Now get on your hazmat zoot suit, pull up your tube sox, and come cat poo fishing with me. :)

Ashley's Mom said...

I am SO sorry about all this. I went through something similar about 2 years ago, and you are right - it is a total pain in the ass. On top of that, some of my kiddos didn't understand and didn't care for strange men in zoot suits being in our house. Undoubtably, three of the worst weeks of my life - and one of the costliest :(

therextras said...

Ditto Mama Mara's message.

I'll be looking for something appropriate to award you with in the near future....

Heike said...

I love your solution of calling your dad. Mine is on another continent - so i call my father in law when hubby is not around. Isn't it nice to know that men come in handy for some things ....

J said...

I can relate to this post as I've had poo water floods too thanks to messy cats and a kitty box in the basement. Our flood was due to a sump pump that does not work when the power is knocked out. Now we have a water pressure sump as a back up to the regular so we don't get a repeat of all that lovliness.

Marla said...

Woah! That is a lot for a lil' Sunday. I am so sorry about the basement. We get so many religious people coming to preach at our door that we finally had to make a NO Preaching sign. It has really cut down on unwanted visitors. Nothing is more frustrating then M being in the middle of a CVS bout and people knocking on the door wanting to share their religious views with me. Sends me over the edge.