I kind of feel like an ass...
Ex called Saturday night and wanted to take Jaysen to a BBQ at his girlfriend's parent's house for Fathers Day. I was coming home from Florida that day, and I wasn't sure what to say.
On one hand, it had been a week since I had seen my boys. I didn't know how Jaysen would react because I've never left him like that before. He's very clingy, and I thought he may need the rest of the day to transition back into life at home with mom again.
On the other hand, it was Fathers day, and Ex makes it a point to remind everyone that he has never had all of his kids together on Fathers Day- mainly because Ex's ex is a nut-job.
I asked Ex if I could call him once everything was settled, and if Jaysen seemed to be okay, then he could take him to the BBQ. He said that was fine.
I should've known, but he called later to tell me that he was already at the BBQ, and would see Jaysen sometime this week. I won't hold my breath.
Although this is the first time I've given second thought to him taking Jaysen somewhere, I often found it funny that Ex got all bent out of shape when he "didn't have his kids on Father's Day". Ex is not much of a father. Yet he wants the recognition of being one? I don't usually talk smack about him, but I can feel it bubbling up right now because he seemed perturbed with me for my hesitation.
He pays major child support for his first two children, so I do not ask for support- and he does not offer. He has come through for me on occasions where I needed help with major things like whopping dental bills for Jaysen, but there is no "support" happening. Ex was a recovering addict. He is currently drinking and druggin' again- which is sad that he puts that crap before supporting his son, but that's not what really gets candlewax in my butt-hair. On average, Ex comes to see Jaysen about once every couple of months. Personally, I wish he would either be in Jaysen's life, or out of it. This inbetween crap is... crap.
He hasn't had a car in...wow- I don't know how long...so he never spends alone time, father and son, with him. He usually brings the flavor-of-the-month girlfriend with him (which is fine- I really liked last month's flavor. She was a sweetheart.), but Jaysen doesn't want to spend time with them.
He has no idea what is going on with Jaysen. No idea what it costs financially, and emotionally, to raise him. He has no idea how to interact with him when he does his "quirky" things. He has no idea what is going on with school, the meetings, the therapies, etc... not because I don't tell him- but because he just does not get it. He listens, but does not understand. Which is sad because he's the one missing out on such an awesome kid.
So yes, you can be pissed at me that I thought it best for Jaysen to be at home while he regulated everything that was going on. Sorry, but my son comes before you.
Happy (Un)Father's Day, Ex.